Sunday, March 23, 2008

"Dey Call Dat Girl Pooh-Cat!!"

The author feels it’s appropriate to preface the following commentary with a short tidbit regarding his background. From a very young age the other of this blog found himself in situations where he was the only white boy on a basketball court full of black boys. Even into the high school and early college years there were many occasions where he was the only white guy in the vicinity, more times than you could shake a stick at quite frankly. His history with black people is significant and somewhat colorful (pun not intended) and he only brings it up here in an attempt to make it clear to readers that he is anything but racist. Anyone who might be reading this and has known him outside of the ‘net can vouch to this. And not that it is particularly relevant to this discussion but the author would like to take this opportunity to also mention the fact that black people have been very good to him throughout his life.

Anyway…The author was on a little jaunt yesterday evening to pick up a pizza from Pizza Hut and had an experience that seemed worthy of a blog mention, inconsequential as it was.

Quick sidebar:
Yes, the author does occasionally put shitty food into his body but he does make every effort to keep this to a minimum and to his credit this was the new offering from Pizza Hut known as “The Natural” which supposedly contains all natural/organic ingredients including a whole grain crust. The author has no way of verifying this claim however and tends to have a healthy skepticism about this kind of advertising. While on this topic a quick quote comes to mind that originates with some sage of the Eastern persuasion saying something about it being not what goes into the body that defiles a man but what comes out of it. Please note that the author does not recommend using this as an excuse or rationalization for regularly ingesting the grease coated buzzard shit that passes for food and is inexpensively available on every American street corner.

The Pizza Hut trip…So the author was walking into Pizza Hut and was nearly bulldozed by a black woman who came barreling out of the door with alarming speed and astounding lack of regard for her surroundings and the people who might be in her path. The author made good use of his cat-like reflexes and dodged the threat resulting in a ‘near-miss’. This woman - of medium stature and wearing clothing that very much resembled ‘80s hooker attire – was also chatting on her cell phone at a volume that would ensure everyone within a thirty yard radius would hear every riveting detail of the conversation. Seeing as how the author and this individual essentially just whizzed right by each other, he only had the privilege of hearing one single phrase as it was blurted into the phone as if she thought she was speaking into an empty coffee can with a string attached to another coffee can some distance away: “DEY CALL DAT GIRL POOH-CAT!!”

Now the author has had more than his fair share of exposure to black culture and slang and at one time or another would’ve thought that he had heard it all but this pooh-cat thing stopped him dead in his tracks, struck by two simultaneous impulses: one of almost uncontrollable laughter bubbling up and the other of head-scratching confusion and exasperation. Refraining from either he proceeded to walk on in and pick up his Natural but “pooh-cat” was with him on the drive home. He had a good laugh in the car but also found the whole incident a little disturbing because it was representative of the type of behavior and lingo he was noticing more of lately.

The author at one time had an appreciation for rap music and in spite of the distasteful and negative connotations it carried, felt it did have some redeeming qualities. Unfortunately over the past six to seven years rap has undergone a grotesque transformation and morphed into something the author can hardly recognize. Indeed, he has his doubts that current rap lyrics are actually written by human beings but instead rather poorly constructed computer programs than churn songs out on an as needed basis and are then recited by gang members who are picked up off the street and perform in exchange for little more than a Cadillac Escalade and cubic zirconium tooth apparatus. The author would just as soon be locked in a closet with a rapacious wolverine than listen to this current rap music.

If the decline of rap music (and black slang) is any barometer or indication of the direction that society as a whole is taking, it is the author’s firm belief that we are headed for a cultural landscape that will make Mike Judge’s “Idiocracy” look like the European Age Of Enlightenment.

The author realizes he has gone on a bit too long for this type of blog entry and will close with some lyrics that are the chorus from what is a popular rap song at the moment:

“This is why, this is why, this is why I’m hot. I’m hot because I’m fly, you ain’t because you not. This is why, this is why, this is why I’m hot.”

“You ain’t because you not.” Let that sink in for a moment.

The author guesses that “Pooh-Cat” probably loves this song.

“The Natural” is actually quite tasty and if the author’s taste buds are any authority on the matter, the whole wheat/whole grain crust is legit. If you’ve gotta eat pizza and want to feel better about doing it, the author highly recommends “The Natural”. Coincidentally, the author also recommends the movie “The Natural” starring Robert Redford. You could even have a little theme night and dine on “The Natural” while watching “The Natural”.


A said...

I loved this post...very entertaining and as your wife even I had no idea that picking up a pizza could be so fun. I so agree with you on so m any levels. That was just so funny.

Candycane said...

pooh cat, I think I'll be peeing for days from laughter!

oh, and I agree about the rap music, wtfreak? I don't recognize the crap. Come on eminem!!! dre???!!! Its all dead!

Anonymous said...

All the bits fitted nicely together mate. I liked it.
Robert Redford - never really liked him, however, we all change. I saw 'An Unfinished Life' a while back and liked it very much. Morgan Freeman also leant it weight.
It really was just a short story but well told.

Ben There said...

Candice -

The funny thing is, even alot rappers think rap is dead. They're right.

Ben There said...

Tony -

I've never been to Australia but I doubt you have too many of these "pooh-cat" types over there. I get the feeling this particular cultural phenomenon is pretty specific to America (for the most part). As I've mentioned, these blog entries will be all over the place. I'm not a writer but this is a good exercise and I'll probably be trying out different things; some may work and others undoubtedly won't.

Morgan Freeman is an incredible actor by the way. Pretty sure he's my favorite.

Candycane said...

I went to pizza hut last night in search for the natural and they looked at me like i was f-ing nuts. i said "its a healthier, wholistic type pizza" then I said well the guy who said this is in fort worth and then the guy at pizza hut said some of the franchises do different things. well then, he didn't have to look at me so stupid. anyway, i got a regular pizza and it was sorta gross. thanks ben.

Visible said...

Funny story. Reading this shows me how much we have in common in some ways; though that doesn't include musical tastes; the movies were good except for Meet the Fockers which made my skin crawl but I like the rest.

Back to the point, I'm 6'5" (so the basketball thing) and sports were a predominant part of my youth and have continued to be across time, plus I've been a student of the martial arts for a very long time. Your comment about 'cat like reflexes' made me laugh for I have dodged many a scenario like that and often without the other participants noticing.

Also, I grew up on military bases so I hung around with black kids when you hardly saw them otherwise. Also I was locked up in prison for something like a total of just under four years off and on and had it not been for the black men who befriended me- when there was no real reason to, except they liked where I was coming from- I would have been toast. It doesn't matter how well you can fight under certain circumstances given the color differential.

At the moment the country is in a racial madness as certain forces seek to sink Obama. It's not pretty to see. Luckily I live in Europe and there isn't any of that over here. I don't include England because I don't consider that part of Europe; nor would I go there except in chains.

You keep doing what you are doing. First the water runs and then it stops and then it runs and then it's dark and then it clears and then it runs and runs and runs. You never know.

Ben There said...

Les -

6'5"...I'm jealous. It is my honest and humble opinion that had I not been little and skinny and white, I'd be on a cereal box right now. (Maybe a slight exagerration.) I'm just a hair under 6' (literally one hair) but never weighed much over 145 until I was twenty something.

By the way...if Obama doesn't win, we riot and rally. I know you aren't fond of any of them but this is my first time to ever really like a presidential candidate.

As for this writing thing...I'll be real hit and miss. Maybe I'll eventually hone my skill, who knows. I've never claimed to be a writer and I always want that caveat out there. Right now I just don't have the time to be putting up a new post every other day though. Only reason I'm here now is because I got bumped from my flight due to this AA inspection fiasco.

I plan on getting a little guitar video up real soon...I'm thinking an SRV tribute. I can display my mediocrity in other areas...

Eric said...

Something to make you think twice about eating at Pizza Hut -

Ben There said...

Eric, I already thought twice about eating Pizza Hut but now I'll think a third time. (Damn)