Every so often have I have dreams that affect me at least as profoundly as any waking experience; in some cases, even more profoundly. They seem to come as powerful messengers from some place beyond what is normally accessible to me. The specifics of each individual dream don’t feel that important. The details aren’t what matter but rather the overall imprint that is left behind in my consciousness and the change that inevitably results from it. The actual content is symbolic as far as I can tell but I awake feeling as if I have been to another world.
In most of these cases I am aware that I am dreaming as it happens. In fact, that is usually the dramatic turning point; that moment when I become aware that it is a dream and that I can do out of the ordinary things. I become aware that something significant is happening. After this kind of event I will sometimes experience a deeply peaceful and blissful state and other times, in contrast, I will feel a sense of sadness so deep and raw that there are no words to describe it.
One of the most common analogies that appear in so many spiritual teachings is a description of life as a dream. There is the constant admonition to wake up. One of the more odd perceptions I have occasionally encountered is a slight difficulty in differentiating waking life from the dreaming state. Yesterday’s real life event feels comparatively significant to yesterday’s dream. Neither have a tangible power over my current situation but both leave imprints behind that can color my perception if I am inattentive enough to allow that to happen; if that makes sense. It makes sense to me.
Further on in the dream analogy is the idea of ‘being awake in the dream’. Buddha was called “The Awakened One”. He awoke within the dream of this life. This doesn’t mean that his physical body evaporated into a ray of light and floated off into some heavenly realm, but clearly some transformation took place. His physical existence on this plane (the dream) continued on, but his experience of life was permanently altered. He transcended human suffering and vowed to help others do the same. He taught an eightfold path and Buddhism was born, another religion that would inevitably suffer from many of the same trappings that afflict all organized religions at one time or another. Perhaps he could have disappeared into a beam of sunshine had he chosen to, but he didn’t.
One of the more interesting things about Buddhism to me is that the entire religion is centered around alleviating human suffering. In a nutshell, the cause of all suffering is attachment and desire. This is not an opinion but rather a verifiable fact that anyone can confirm the truth of by simply paying attention and analyzing any distress they may experience. The natural tendency is to distract and run away but by paying attention on a regular basis and tracing one’s suffering back to the root, the truth of the Buddhist philosophy can be experienced firsthand. Furthermore, they say, suffering can be overcome. There are practical methods and techniques that can be applied. In contrast to western religious philosophy, Buddhist doctrine places salvation squarely on the shoulders of the individual.
The events of our lives play out in front of us in movie and dreamlike fashion. It’s interesting to hear older people talk about how they don’t feel old and how quickly it has all gone by. I think this is because the observing presence, the pure consciousness in the background, remains unchanged from birth to death; even before birth and after death. Everything else changes. We suffer because we attach and want impermanent things to be permanent. We get caught up in the particulars of our own personal dream and lose touch with the observing awareness. That is the real “us” and it is why the self-conscious part of our mind will never feel old.
I had an interesting experience as a child and one of the things that came out of it was the perception that “I” had been in existence long before this current lifetime. I don’t know how to explain it other than to say it was clear and definitive and did not leave question. People talk about reincarnation and remembering past lives but that’s not how my experience was. I had no specific recollection of past lives; just direct experience of the timelessness of my own existence. The idea of reincarnation is reasonable and logical to me but it is also purely speculative. However, I have definitive ‘proof’ of my existing in some capacity prior to this lifetime. That, of course, brings up the questions of where, when, and how; and though I find these to be intriguing questions, I also find them to be unimportant. What is important to me is where I am now and how that may affect wherever it is that I may be going.
Another outcome of my experience was the realization of how utterly brief a single lifetime is in the overall scheme of things. It is (dare I say) much like a small piece of one of last night’s many dreams. I’ve often had the thought that people would suffer much less if they had the slightest inkling of the astounding brevity of their current experience. Everything that happens to us, we somehow think it will last forever, but the scenery is changing faster than we can comprehend.
We are, understandably, attached to the scenery and we are also attached to ourselves. But our ‘selves’ as we perceive them, are most certainly no more real than a dream. The personality, who we think we are, is a creation of our own imagination. Attachment to this phantom causes tremendous suffering. In a sense we are all dreaming our own little dream at all times and, in that regard, are creating our own experience and are living either in heaven, hell, or someplace in between based on our individual capacity to navigate through the hologram.
As these words are being read someone else’s dream is brushing up against my own and both the act of writing and reading this may just leave some little imprint on both of us that alters our perception of whatever particular act is next up on stage in our own individual drama. It is both dream and stage play, comedy and tragedy, blissful fantasy and horrific nightmare. Do you feel it changing even as you think about it? Can you sense yourself apart from it all, observing from somewhere just left of center stage? I hope that you can and wish you the most pleasant of dreams…even as I begin to hear the volume of the cosmic alarm clock growing louder and louder, somewhere off in the distance.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Friday, July 18, 2008
Turn On The Boob Tube, I'm In The Mood To Obey
I’ve been skeptical of the mass media since my early twenties but not necessarily for all the right reasons. It was clear to me that there was an agenda but as far as I could tell the conspiracy went only as deep as a concerted effort to part you from your hard earned money. From the obvious efforts that come as the form of paid commercials to the more subtle messages that are woven into tv shows and movies, the underlying theme is always the same; happiness is attained through consumption, in whatever form.
That has been the message and ‘we the people’ have been successfully trained to be docile and obedient consumers. The evidence can be seen all around, from our waistlines to our wallets. The fact that we can be persuaded to consistently engage in behavior that is so obviously bad for us is just one small demonstration of the power of the media.
It’s understandable that the mass media would have this effect of turning us into consumerist droids. After all, who keeps them in business? Corporations. Advertising dollars. This makes perfect sense and is easy for me to wrap my head around.
But that was where it stopped with me. Other than the corporate agenda, I actually believed that we had a free and generally uncensored press. I believed that when I saw the news on television I was seeing a basically accurate and unbiased presentation of the facts.
I remember what it was like when 9/11 happened. Who doesn’t? I remember exactly where I was, what I was doing, and how I felt. I remember being glued to the television set every evening for the days and weeks that followed and believing what I was being told, every word of it.
I remember the first time I heard the phrase “9/11 Was An Inside Job”. I remember exactly who said it and the reaction that I had to that statement. Many people right now would have the same reaction I did to hearing such a statement. It was one of utter revulsion, anger, and disbelief. How could anybody say such a thing? I remember expressing my outrage when hearing this and asking myself what would motivate someone to make this kind of an allegation.
All of my conclusions about 9/11 at that time were based on my only source of information about the subject, the mainstream media. We all became scared in a way that many of us had never felt before and the world and this country changed more in that instant than it had in decades. I don’t have any figures but I’d guess that tv watching increased dramatically in the weeks and months following 9/11. I’ve never been one to spend much time in front of a television set but during that time I would watch religiously, anxiously.
An entire nation sat every night in rapt attention. We wanted answers and explanations, but more importantly, we wanted comfort and security. We wanted revenge. We wanted protection. We were spoon fed information and reassurance and the vast majority of us swallowed every ounce of it, willingly and gratefully.
We were a unified nation in a way that I had never witnessed before (I was 24 at the time) and the media made this possible. We were unquestionably behind our government in a way that I had never seen before. There was no need to ask questions. The answers were all right there in front of us in plain sight on our televisions. Our president was there telling us exactly what happened and what our government was going to do about it.
Fast forward seven years.
There is now a large body of evidence that renders the official 9/11 story laughable; utterly laughable. There are people like me, asking themselves how they could have ever believed such a story in the first place. In fact, the 9/11 Truth Movement appears to be growing each day and on the low end there are hundreds of thousands of Americans that question the official story and more likely the number is in the millions. One poll I read had 36% as the percentage of Americans who are doubters.
Whatever the actual number, it is substantial to say the very least, and growing. And…by some amazing and magical act, you don’t hear a whisper about this in the mainstream media. Nothing. Why??? Is it not newsworthy that such a vast number of individuals are questioning the explanation we were given concerning the most significant event to happen in our lifetime? Is it not worth a mention on Nightline or Good Morning America? Not even a five minute spot in between the reviews for Batman and the updates on Lindsay Lohan’s lesbian escapades?
There is still a lot I am grappling with on this subject. Until yesterday I had no idea that Arizona state senator Karen Johnson gave a speech before the Arizona state senate in support of reopening the 9/11 investigation. The contents of the speech can be read online (http://www.eastvalleytribune.com/story/118233) or it can be seen on YouTube (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3lgEpaLVjgo). This speech was given on June 10th of this year. Had I not found the story on http://www.whatreallyhappened.com/ I wouldn’t have even known it happened. Granted, it’s just the Arizona state senate but this lady is making some very controversial claims and you would think this would show up somewhere in our news. But no. Again, nothing. Why?
It also occurred to me today that most people don’t know (or remember) that World Trade Center 7 also collapsed on 9/11. It wasn’t hit by any aircraft, it just fell at near freefall speed, all by itself. A brief conversation with a peer today made it clear to me that most people don’t even realize that not two, but three buildings collapsed that day.
More and more questions are coming up and the 9/11 Truth Movement continues to grow and we hear nothing about it from the mainstream media. There’s no way I could cover all of the material on this topic - hell, I probably am only aware of a tiny fraction of the material anyway - but I find myself asking more and more why I only see the most trivial, airheaded, and utterly pointless topics covered on television news. I find myself in disbelief about what doesn’t get covered at all. Ever heard of Ron Paul? How is it possible that this man’s name - though he had millions of supporters - NEVER came up in the mainstream media during the presidential nomination campaign? How does that even happen?
Imagine how our worldview is shaped by the media, the power and influence it exerts over an entire population, and what could be accomplished by controlling this medium. There are arguments out there about the media dumbing down the population and, frankly, they make a damn good case. Who would want to dumb us down? For what purpose?
That has been the message and ‘we the people’ have been successfully trained to be docile and obedient consumers. The evidence can be seen all around, from our waistlines to our wallets. The fact that we can be persuaded to consistently engage in behavior that is so obviously bad for us is just one small demonstration of the power of the media.
It’s understandable that the mass media would have this effect of turning us into consumerist droids. After all, who keeps them in business? Corporations. Advertising dollars. This makes perfect sense and is easy for me to wrap my head around.
But that was where it stopped with me. Other than the corporate agenda, I actually believed that we had a free and generally uncensored press. I believed that when I saw the news on television I was seeing a basically accurate and unbiased presentation of the facts.
I remember what it was like when 9/11 happened. Who doesn’t? I remember exactly where I was, what I was doing, and how I felt. I remember being glued to the television set every evening for the days and weeks that followed and believing what I was being told, every word of it.
I remember the first time I heard the phrase “9/11 Was An Inside Job”. I remember exactly who said it and the reaction that I had to that statement. Many people right now would have the same reaction I did to hearing such a statement. It was one of utter revulsion, anger, and disbelief. How could anybody say such a thing? I remember expressing my outrage when hearing this and asking myself what would motivate someone to make this kind of an allegation.
All of my conclusions about 9/11 at that time were based on my only source of information about the subject, the mainstream media. We all became scared in a way that many of us had never felt before and the world and this country changed more in that instant than it had in decades. I don’t have any figures but I’d guess that tv watching increased dramatically in the weeks and months following 9/11. I’ve never been one to spend much time in front of a television set but during that time I would watch religiously, anxiously.
An entire nation sat every night in rapt attention. We wanted answers and explanations, but more importantly, we wanted comfort and security. We wanted revenge. We wanted protection. We were spoon fed information and reassurance and the vast majority of us swallowed every ounce of it, willingly and gratefully.
We were a unified nation in a way that I had never witnessed before (I was 24 at the time) and the media made this possible. We were unquestionably behind our government in a way that I had never seen before. There was no need to ask questions. The answers were all right there in front of us in plain sight on our televisions. Our president was there telling us exactly what happened and what our government was going to do about it.
Fast forward seven years.
There is now a large body of evidence that renders the official 9/11 story laughable; utterly laughable. There are people like me, asking themselves how they could have ever believed such a story in the first place. In fact, the 9/11 Truth Movement appears to be growing each day and on the low end there are hundreds of thousands of Americans that question the official story and more likely the number is in the millions. One poll I read had 36% as the percentage of Americans who are doubters.
Whatever the actual number, it is substantial to say the very least, and growing. And…by some amazing and magical act, you don’t hear a whisper about this in the mainstream media. Nothing. Why??? Is it not newsworthy that such a vast number of individuals are questioning the explanation we were given concerning the most significant event to happen in our lifetime? Is it not worth a mention on Nightline or Good Morning America? Not even a five minute spot in between the reviews for Batman and the updates on Lindsay Lohan’s lesbian escapades?
There is still a lot I am grappling with on this subject. Until yesterday I had no idea that Arizona state senator Karen Johnson gave a speech before the Arizona state senate in support of reopening the 9/11 investigation. The contents of the speech can be read online (http://www.eastvalleytribune.com/story/118233) or it can be seen on YouTube (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3lgEpaLVjgo). This speech was given on June 10th of this year. Had I not found the story on http://www.whatreallyhappened.com/ I wouldn’t have even known it happened. Granted, it’s just the Arizona state senate but this lady is making some very controversial claims and you would think this would show up somewhere in our news. But no. Again, nothing. Why?
It also occurred to me today that most people don’t know (or remember) that World Trade Center 7 also collapsed on 9/11. It wasn’t hit by any aircraft, it just fell at near freefall speed, all by itself. A brief conversation with a peer today made it clear to me that most people don’t even realize that not two, but three buildings collapsed that day.
More and more questions are coming up and the 9/11 Truth Movement continues to grow and we hear nothing about it from the mainstream media. There’s no way I could cover all of the material on this topic - hell, I probably am only aware of a tiny fraction of the material anyway - but I find myself asking more and more why I only see the most trivial, airheaded, and utterly pointless topics covered on television news. I find myself in disbelief about what doesn’t get covered at all. Ever heard of Ron Paul? How is it possible that this man’s name - though he had millions of supporters - NEVER came up in the mainstream media during the presidential nomination campaign? How does that even happen?
Imagine how our worldview is shaped by the media, the power and influence it exerts over an entire population, and what could be accomplished by controlling this medium. There are arguments out there about the media dumbing down the population and, frankly, they make a damn good case. Who would want to dumb us down? For what purpose?
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Preamble To Something Different
After my last blog entry someone made the remark “Ben, I like your blog but you always write about the same thing.” I thought about it for about half a second and realized that this was a very accurate observation. I don’t write that often but it makes sense that I would have a tendency to write about what I think about most often and so there is this recurring theme of integrating the spiritual life into this age of materialism…or something like that.
I’m going to try to get away from that for awhile but I doubt I can eliminate those undertones completely from much of anything that I take the time to write about.
But before I move on… let me just say that it is possible for any person to have an experience that completely transforms their view of, well, everything. Let’s say that from the time you were born the world has told you that the sky is blue. Everyone knows the sky is blue. It’s just a fact that is taken for granted and – for the sake of argument – let us imagine that a good portion of the world’s knowledge and what is considered normal is based on the initial premise that the sky is blue. Now let’s imagine that you wake up one day or perhaps have some strange but undeniable experience that reveals to you that, in fact, the sky is NOT blue. All of the sudden you now know, from the very core of your being, that the sky is not blue and therefore all of the concepts that were based on that initial premise are no longer valid either.
The caveat to this little revelation is that you cannot actually share this information with anyone else without sounding like a complete lunatic. Even hinting at the possibility will get you nothing but strange looks from most people. But at the same time, the implications of such a thing cannot help but affect your life in a profound way and somehow creep into every aspect of your day to day experience. It cannot help but become a recurring theme in your consciousness because it touches every facet of life as a human being.
So what does one do if they find themselves in a situation like the one described above?
At first you probably go on the best you can and don’t mention it and do what you can to fit in. Externally, life goes on as normal. But internally there is a new dimension to your existence that seems to deepen as time goes on. With it comes the incessant desire to go even deeper, explore a little further. Occasionally you feel a bit like an alien being on a foreign planet but you make do.
That is a nutshell and slightly exaggerated analogy of something that I have been through. It has been a neat thing to get older and more comfortable with it and to realize that it isn’t that uncommon. It’s been neat to discover other people of a similar disposition and a wealth of literature and information on the subject.
Hopefully that serves as some kind of explanation as to why I end up repeating a similar theme whenever I sit down and try to write a blog entry. I don’t usually have the benefit of starting out the process with something in mind for a topic. I just let my thoughts carry me where they will and inevitably end up back on the same thing.
The inner life is something that has been devalued in our time but here and there you can see subtle signs of a comeback. Unfortunately commercial culture is so all pervasive that it defines our priorities and value system from birth to death. Pursuing the inner life puts you immediately at odds with popular culture and normalcy. This however may be starting to come to an end as people gradually grow weary of living in a society defined by consumption and fueled by insatiable appetite.
I think about these things a lot and so I end up writing about them even when it’s not necessarily my original intention. In an effort to challenge myself and add some variety for the hundreds of thousands of readers that visit my blog every hour (heh heh), I will make it a point to address some completely different topics the next few times I sit down to do this.
There’s no telling what kind of topics might pop up. I might discuss the ins and outs of owning an English Setter, or maybe why I think those clear plastic blister packs are incontrovertible proof of demonic influence in human affairs, or maybe the pitfalls of trying to make your vertical leap higher at age 31 than it was at age 19. Might delve into the ridiculous world of politics or other areas where I can proudly display my ignorance on certain subject matters. Maybe talk about marriage and relationships and try to get myself a big ole hug from Oprah the demigod. Who knows? I might even share some of my personal bathroom experiences. Point is, it will be something different. I promise.
I’m going to try to get away from that for awhile but I doubt I can eliminate those undertones completely from much of anything that I take the time to write about.
But before I move on… let me just say that it is possible for any person to have an experience that completely transforms their view of, well, everything. Let’s say that from the time you were born the world has told you that the sky is blue. Everyone knows the sky is blue. It’s just a fact that is taken for granted and – for the sake of argument – let us imagine that a good portion of the world’s knowledge and what is considered normal is based on the initial premise that the sky is blue. Now let’s imagine that you wake up one day or perhaps have some strange but undeniable experience that reveals to you that, in fact, the sky is NOT blue. All of the sudden you now know, from the very core of your being, that the sky is not blue and therefore all of the concepts that were based on that initial premise are no longer valid either.
The caveat to this little revelation is that you cannot actually share this information with anyone else without sounding like a complete lunatic. Even hinting at the possibility will get you nothing but strange looks from most people. But at the same time, the implications of such a thing cannot help but affect your life in a profound way and somehow creep into every aspect of your day to day experience. It cannot help but become a recurring theme in your consciousness because it touches every facet of life as a human being.
So what does one do if they find themselves in a situation like the one described above?
At first you probably go on the best you can and don’t mention it and do what you can to fit in. Externally, life goes on as normal. But internally there is a new dimension to your existence that seems to deepen as time goes on. With it comes the incessant desire to go even deeper, explore a little further. Occasionally you feel a bit like an alien being on a foreign planet but you make do.
That is a nutshell and slightly exaggerated analogy of something that I have been through. It has been a neat thing to get older and more comfortable with it and to realize that it isn’t that uncommon. It’s been neat to discover other people of a similar disposition and a wealth of literature and information on the subject.
Hopefully that serves as some kind of explanation as to why I end up repeating a similar theme whenever I sit down and try to write a blog entry. I don’t usually have the benefit of starting out the process with something in mind for a topic. I just let my thoughts carry me where they will and inevitably end up back on the same thing.
The inner life is something that has been devalued in our time but here and there you can see subtle signs of a comeback. Unfortunately commercial culture is so all pervasive that it defines our priorities and value system from birth to death. Pursuing the inner life puts you immediately at odds with popular culture and normalcy. This however may be starting to come to an end as people gradually grow weary of living in a society defined by consumption and fueled by insatiable appetite.
I think about these things a lot and so I end up writing about them even when it’s not necessarily my original intention. In an effort to challenge myself and add some variety for the hundreds of thousands of readers that visit my blog every hour (heh heh), I will make it a point to address some completely different topics the next few times I sit down to do this.
There’s no telling what kind of topics might pop up. I might discuss the ins and outs of owning an English Setter, or maybe why I think those clear plastic blister packs are incontrovertible proof of demonic influence in human affairs, or maybe the pitfalls of trying to make your vertical leap higher at age 31 than it was at age 19. Might delve into the ridiculous world of politics or other areas where I can proudly display my ignorance on certain subject matters. Maybe talk about marriage and relationships and try to get myself a big ole hug from Oprah the demigod. Who knows? I might even share some of my personal bathroom experiences. Point is, it will be something different. I promise.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
You Do A Little Dance, Then You Drink A Little Water
Sometimes I find more reasons to avoid doing the things I need to be doing than there are stars in the sky. I am a natural procrastinator. But out of practical necessity I have learned to be superhumanly efficient with time when I need to be. Okay, maybe superhuman is an exaggeration but to me it feels superhuman. I can waste time like nobody else. Today almost half the day was gone before I realized what time it was and I had done little more than eat breakfast and spend some time fooling around on the guitar. By fooling around I mean trying to master the guitar solo from Purple Haze. I recently indulged and bought a couple guitar gadgets and have finally been able to nail the tone from this song which, quite honestly, makes me feel like I’m channeling Hendrix right here in our little office/workout/music room.
Not to sound grandiose or anything but HO-LEEE-SHIT does it feel nice to play Hendrix and actually (somewhat) sound like Hendrix. Seven years ago I probably would have sold my soul, had that been an option, to be able to play some of this stuff that I can play now. I guess when you put your mind to it and have a love for something you really can surprise yourself. Who was it now that said you’ve gotta have love?
There are two states of sound that assure me that there is more to this world and our existence than what meets the eye: music, and complete silence. Music can give you a little taste of heaven, and silence, quite possibly, can give you the whole thing. My musical tastes span a pretty wide range but there is something ethereal and divine there that affects me like nothing else can. Nothing but silence that is. It’s been said that it’s the silent spaces between the notes that make music. The same probably goes for everything else.
Playing around with my new toys this morning I was creating sounds that one minute made me think I was about to blast off in a spaceship and the next that I was already zigging and zagging on the outer stretches of Saturn’s rings. I’ve never tried LSD but I’m pretty sure anyone under the influence would’ve thoroughly appreciated my psychedelic, green-tea fueled jam session.
I find time to pretend I’m Jimi but can’t find time to do other things that might actually be of some importance. Life has been a little hectic the last few weeks and I’ve slacked on the meditation. Of all things, this is what I have slacked on. I could just as well be writing an essay on how important it is to be regular with certain things like meditation but instead I’m writing this, talking about how I’ve managed to not find time lately.
Trying to maintain balance and stay centered in a world that is designed to distract and confine you is probably the most important thing any of us can do. There is a lot of confusion right now, a lot of unhappiness and frustration in this place where most of us have more in the way of comfort than any reasonable human being could ask for.
There’s a great quote saying something like “we live in a society that has mistaken comfort for civilization”. We are drowning in our own excess. We are surrounded and invaded by things and noise; the average attention span being reduced to about the same amount of time that it takes for Paris Hilton’s Chihuahua to pass gas. Without constant stimulation of some sort, some of us begin to go a little crazy. Alone with one’s thoughts is an uncomfortable experience that can pretty much be avoided altogether thanks to modern technology. I anticipate coming technology that will surgically implant tiny television screens inside of one’s eyelids so one’s eyes won’t even have to be open to catch the “exclusive” and latest Hollywood gossip on the Insider. Tiny speakers will be inserted directly into the ear drums and by pinching your earlobe in a certain manner you will be able to download streaming video and music, all powered by Apple of course. There may be side effects to some of this but Merck will be right there with a pill to counteract it. AstraZeneca will produce the pill that counteracts the side effects caused by Merck’s pill. Wal-Mart will start offering drive thru Botox and lipo. You’ll hear and see ads for all of this on the tiny devices that have been implanted into your eyes and ears. There will also be iPods for dogs. (I sincerely happen to think there’s a market for this.)
Well, it’s no wonder I have a problem managing my time. I had nothing in mind when I sat down to write this blog entry. I just knew it was time to write something and here I’ve wandered all around and somehow ended up in my own dystopian vision.
Though we have a lot to show in the way of things and comfort and every conceivable manner of indulgence, we have a major deficit when it comes to authentic happiness. This, in my opinion, is the result of our culture of distraction, triviality, and misguided priorities. We need silence in our lives to counteract everything else. If thirty minutes a day is good, an hour a day is better; just to let the water settle.
Today I pretended to be Hendrix. Last weekend I was pretending to be Michael Jordan as we played in Hoop-It-Up and managed to lose 4 straight games, never by a margin higher than two points. These things were distractions for me and, though they were fun, I neglected something that is far more important. I neglected that little space of time reserved each day to feel what it’s like to be truly human and alive and not just another pin-ball in someone else’s machine. And…I paid a price for it. Towards the end of the week it was tangible; something real, pulling me away from sanity, sucking me into a world of chatter, discontent, and irritation.
Tomorrow starts another day and a recommitment to get back to what I need to be doing, enjoying that beautiful silence where sanity resides and stepping away from the flashing screen, in whatever form it takes.
Not to sound grandiose or anything but HO-LEEE-SHIT does it feel nice to play Hendrix and actually (somewhat) sound like Hendrix. Seven years ago I probably would have sold my soul, had that been an option, to be able to play some of this stuff that I can play now. I guess when you put your mind to it and have a love for something you really can surprise yourself. Who was it now that said you’ve gotta have love?
There are two states of sound that assure me that there is more to this world and our existence than what meets the eye: music, and complete silence. Music can give you a little taste of heaven, and silence, quite possibly, can give you the whole thing. My musical tastes span a pretty wide range but there is something ethereal and divine there that affects me like nothing else can. Nothing but silence that is. It’s been said that it’s the silent spaces between the notes that make music. The same probably goes for everything else.
Playing around with my new toys this morning I was creating sounds that one minute made me think I was about to blast off in a spaceship and the next that I was already zigging and zagging on the outer stretches of Saturn’s rings. I’ve never tried LSD but I’m pretty sure anyone under the influence would’ve thoroughly appreciated my psychedelic, green-tea fueled jam session.
I find time to pretend I’m Jimi but can’t find time to do other things that might actually be of some importance. Life has been a little hectic the last few weeks and I’ve slacked on the meditation. Of all things, this is what I have slacked on. I could just as well be writing an essay on how important it is to be regular with certain things like meditation but instead I’m writing this, talking about how I’ve managed to not find time lately.
Trying to maintain balance and stay centered in a world that is designed to distract and confine you is probably the most important thing any of us can do. There is a lot of confusion right now, a lot of unhappiness and frustration in this place where most of us have more in the way of comfort than any reasonable human being could ask for.
There’s a great quote saying something like “we live in a society that has mistaken comfort for civilization”. We are drowning in our own excess. We are surrounded and invaded by things and noise; the average attention span being reduced to about the same amount of time that it takes for Paris Hilton’s Chihuahua to pass gas. Without constant stimulation of some sort, some of us begin to go a little crazy. Alone with one’s thoughts is an uncomfortable experience that can pretty much be avoided altogether thanks to modern technology. I anticipate coming technology that will surgically implant tiny television screens inside of one’s eyelids so one’s eyes won’t even have to be open to catch the “exclusive” and latest Hollywood gossip on the Insider. Tiny speakers will be inserted directly into the ear drums and by pinching your earlobe in a certain manner you will be able to download streaming video and music, all powered by Apple of course. There may be side effects to some of this but Merck will be right there with a pill to counteract it. AstraZeneca will produce the pill that counteracts the side effects caused by Merck’s pill. Wal-Mart will start offering drive thru Botox and lipo. You’ll hear and see ads for all of this on the tiny devices that have been implanted into your eyes and ears. There will also be iPods for dogs. (I sincerely happen to think there’s a market for this.)
Well, it’s no wonder I have a problem managing my time. I had nothing in mind when I sat down to write this blog entry. I just knew it was time to write something and here I’ve wandered all around and somehow ended up in my own dystopian vision.
Though we have a lot to show in the way of things and comfort and every conceivable manner of indulgence, we have a major deficit when it comes to authentic happiness. This, in my opinion, is the result of our culture of distraction, triviality, and misguided priorities. We need silence in our lives to counteract everything else. If thirty minutes a day is good, an hour a day is better; just to let the water settle.
Today I pretended to be Hendrix. Last weekend I was pretending to be Michael Jordan as we played in Hoop-It-Up and managed to lose 4 straight games, never by a margin higher than two points. These things were distractions for me and, though they were fun, I neglected something that is far more important. I neglected that little space of time reserved each day to feel what it’s like to be truly human and alive and not just another pin-ball in someone else’s machine. And…I paid a price for it. Towards the end of the week it was tangible; something real, pulling me away from sanity, sucking me into a world of chatter, discontent, and irritation.
Tomorrow starts another day and a recommitment to get back to what I need to be doing, enjoying that beautiful silence where sanity resides and stepping away from the flashing screen, in whatever form it takes.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
There's Dog Shit In My Yard. Damn Liberals.
I think this is a safe blog entry to write. That is, I think there is a slim to none chance that the person whom I will be writing about will ever stumble upon this. At least I hope not. It’s not that I’m really going to say anything that I wouldn’t say to his face but the way in which I’d approach it would probably be a little different than what is probably about to follow.
A conversation that I had long avoided - and in some way had hoped would never take place - occurred late this afternoon as the result of provocation which proved to be more than I could resist. It was with a good friend of mine, someone I’ve known about 3 years now. The guy is in his late 40s and is just about your stereotypical Bush-loving conservative “Christian” republican. I say just about because he does happen to be vegetarian and engages in exercise and physical discipline that, in my experience, is hard to find among this particular demographic. Without going on about this, suffice it to say that politically/religiously/socially this individual is practically my polar opposite. Nonetheless he is a friend and I believe he is well-meaning but misguided. It is not my requirement that a person share my exact same views on everything in order to be my friend. In fact, I appreciate the diversity.
Let’s just call him Z. Z enjoys conflict tremendously and has an uncanny ability to create an adversarial relationship with anyone who is unfortunate enough to draw his irritation. And it doesn’t take much. For the entire time I have known Z, he has been involved in some lawsuit or legal proceeding of some kind. If it’s not suing his neighbor over their swimming pool or calling the police on an elderly woman who has wondered onto his property or complaining about some bicycle rider who makes a U-turn in his parking lot….well, if it’s not one thing it’s another. Z causes himself a tremendous amount of stress and seems to obsess over these kinds of things. Z yells and cusses at his wife. I have no doubt that he loves her and maybe some of the criticism is deserved but Z can get pretty verbally abusive with her and his college-aged children. He has a quick temper. Several times he has apologized to me for me “having to see that” and admits he is wrong and shouldn’t do it but…he keeps doing it.
Z confides in me. For whatever reason I think I intrigue Z and even though I’m quite a bit younger he seems to run things by me to get my input or opinion. This is fine with me. I know Z is good at heart and in certain areas he can teach me a thing or two. Z maybe drinks a little too much from time to time because his self created stress becomes too heavy a load and it offers him some release. He exercises heavily – this is our common ground – and it provides some stress relief but not quite enough. Z has some health concerns that most likely stem from his quick fuse and general attitude about life.
Today Z was complaining to me about what a bad week he had last week. He had a blow up episode and some other problems, all of which were really very minor and not worth the energy he exerted in response to them. On Z’s list of laments was “Obama”. I’ve avoided political discussions with Z in the past because he is outspoken and I know where he stands. He and his son had the opportunity to meet Bush in person several months ago and it was “just amazing”. Today he says “Ben, don’t tell me you’re for OBAMA….”. I guess my patience and self-control with this issue had finally run out, or maybe it was just the heat but I had no choice but to answer honestly. “I really like Obama Z. Of course I’m for Obama.”
This led to all kinds of discussion that I knew would have potential to end our friendship just because of our fundamentally different worldview. We talked oil and abortion and the war in Iraq and 9/11. I held back a little but generally let him know where I stood on these issues. Some of things I said clearly stunned him and left him almost speechless. You could see him thinking. The conversation, to my pleasant surprise, remained cordial. He probably did more of the talking and that definitely helped but he seemed open to what I had to say. His complaint with Obama, oddly, was something about a comment he made and him being pro-choice. Somehow in his mind it mostly came back to abortion and the immorality of killing an innocent unborn child. I’m not sure if he just couldn’t think of anything else or in his mind he was really able to compartmentalize politics to such an extreme but this is how it was.
I asked him how he could reconcile the morality of starting a devastating war on false pretense and killing hundreds of thousands of innocent Iraqis and thousands of young American soldiers. There were other questions I posed along these lines and it generally resulted in a subject change of sorts. He made a comment about Obama being the anti-Christ. I think (and hope) he was at least mostly joking but I eventually shot back with my belief that Bush/Cheney were the Terrorists In Chiefs and if there was such a thing as the anti-Christ, they fit the bill nicely, at least on grounds of devastation of life and destruction. Still…the conversation remained cordial but pretty much devolved into a complaint-fest about all the ills that are afflicting him and his business. Somehow it was implied that all of this is the fault of the liberals and democrats…even the old lady at the end of the street who’s dog shits in a remote corner of a very large grass field behind his building.
The conversation ended and we remain friends. In fact I think I made at least a small bit of progress with Z. Z thinks I handle life pretty well and it obviously piques his interest. He found a book by Paul Brunton that I had left sitting by the swimming pool (accidentally) and has questioned me several times about things like meditation and spirituality. Z’s sense of self-identity very much hinges on his Christian beliefs and he almost feels a little guilty for being curious about anything different. The same can be said for his politics. But intuitively he recognizes that something about his personal philosophy isn’t quite working for him. He has absolutely zero control over his emotions and his anger. He seems to have no tools to help him with this. His way of relating to the world is moving him closer to a breaking point, psychologically and physically. He recognizes this but has no idea what to do about it. So…as Z’s friend, I do the best I can to help out without thrusting my views onto him.
We wrapped up our conversation and Z agreed to read a book I suggested and also agreed to watch a DVD, “9/11 Mysteries 1: Demolition”. Z is interested in Eastern philosophy and how it can be practically applied to help his health and his life. I gave him a novel which I think serves as a great primer and is also one of my most favorite books of all time, “Island” by Aldous Huxley. I hope he takes it to heart.
A conversation that I had long avoided - and in some way had hoped would never take place - occurred late this afternoon as the result of provocation which proved to be more than I could resist. It was with a good friend of mine, someone I’ve known about 3 years now. The guy is in his late 40s and is just about your stereotypical Bush-loving conservative “Christian” republican. I say just about because he does happen to be vegetarian and engages in exercise and physical discipline that, in my experience, is hard to find among this particular demographic. Without going on about this, suffice it to say that politically/religiously/socially this individual is practically my polar opposite. Nonetheless he is a friend and I believe he is well-meaning but misguided. It is not my requirement that a person share my exact same views on everything in order to be my friend. In fact, I appreciate the diversity.
Let’s just call him Z. Z enjoys conflict tremendously and has an uncanny ability to create an adversarial relationship with anyone who is unfortunate enough to draw his irritation. And it doesn’t take much. For the entire time I have known Z, he has been involved in some lawsuit or legal proceeding of some kind. If it’s not suing his neighbor over their swimming pool or calling the police on an elderly woman who has wondered onto his property or complaining about some bicycle rider who makes a U-turn in his parking lot….well, if it’s not one thing it’s another. Z causes himself a tremendous amount of stress and seems to obsess over these kinds of things. Z yells and cusses at his wife. I have no doubt that he loves her and maybe some of the criticism is deserved but Z can get pretty verbally abusive with her and his college-aged children. He has a quick temper. Several times he has apologized to me for me “having to see that” and admits he is wrong and shouldn’t do it but…he keeps doing it.
Z confides in me. For whatever reason I think I intrigue Z and even though I’m quite a bit younger he seems to run things by me to get my input or opinion. This is fine with me. I know Z is good at heart and in certain areas he can teach me a thing or two. Z maybe drinks a little too much from time to time because his self created stress becomes too heavy a load and it offers him some release. He exercises heavily – this is our common ground – and it provides some stress relief but not quite enough. Z has some health concerns that most likely stem from his quick fuse and general attitude about life.
Today Z was complaining to me about what a bad week he had last week. He had a blow up episode and some other problems, all of which were really very minor and not worth the energy he exerted in response to them. On Z’s list of laments was “Obama”. I’ve avoided political discussions with Z in the past because he is outspoken and I know where he stands. He and his son had the opportunity to meet Bush in person several months ago and it was “just amazing”. Today he says “Ben, don’t tell me you’re for OBAMA….”. I guess my patience and self-control with this issue had finally run out, or maybe it was just the heat but I had no choice but to answer honestly. “I really like Obama Z. Of course I’m for Obama.”
This led to all kinds of discussion that I knew would have potential to end our friendship just because of our fundamentally different worldview. We talked oil and abortion and the war in Iraq and 9/11. I held back a little but generally let him know where I stood on these issues. Some of things I said clearly stunned him and left him almost speechless. You could see him thinking. The conversation, to my pleasant surprise, remained cordial. He probably did more of the talking and that definitely helped but he seemed open to what I had to say. His complaint with Obama, oddly, was something about a comment he made and him being pro-choice. Somehow in his mind it mostly came back to abortion and the immorality of killing an innocent unborn child. I’m not sure if he just couldn’t think of anything else or in his mind he was really able to compartmentalize politics to such an extreme but this is how it was.
I asked him how he could reconcile the morality of starting a devastating war on false pretense and killing hundreds of thousands of innocent Iraqis and thousands of young American soldiers. There were other questions I posed along these lines and it generally resulted in a subject change of sorts. He made a comment about Obama being the anti-Christ. I think (and hope) he was at least mostly joking but I eventually shot back with my belief that Bush/Cheney were the Terrorists In Chiefs and if there was such a thing as the anti-Christ, they fit the bill nicely, at least on grounds of devastation of life and destruction. Still…the conversation remained cordial but pretty much devolved into a complaint-fest about all the ills that are afflicting him and his business. Somehow it was implied that all of this is the fault of the liberals and democrats…even the old lady at the end of the street who’s dog shits in a remote corner of a very large grass field behind his building.
The conversation ended and we remain friends. In fact I think I made at least a small bit of progress with Z. Z thinks I handle life pretty well and it obviously piques his interest. He found a book by Paul Brunton that I had left sitting by the swimming pool (accidentally) and has questioned me several times about things like meditation and spirituality. Z’s sense of self-identity very much hinges on his Christian beliefs and he almost feels a little guilty for being curious about anything different. The same can be said for his politics. But intuitively he recognizes that something about his personal philosophy isn’t quite working for him. He has absolutely zero control over his emotions and his anger. He seems to have no tools to help him with this. His way of relating to the world is moving him closer to a breaking point, psychologically and physically. He recognizes this but has no idea what to do about it. So…as Z’s friend, I do the best I can to help out without thrusting my views onto him.
We wrapped up our conversation and Z agreed to read a book I suggested and also agreed to watch a DVD, “9/11 Mysteries 1: Demolition”. Z is interested in Eastern philosophy and how it can be practically applied to help his health and his life. I gave him a novel which I think serves as a great primer and is also one of my most favorite books of all time, “Island” by Aldous Huxley. I hope he takes it to heart.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
The Door Is A Jar
Well, it’s been awhile since I’ve had the time to write here. Really one always has the time it’s just a matter of taking the time to do what’s important to you. But…on the flipside of that, sometimes just surviving the day-to-day can easily devour all of your time. Such has been the case with me lately. May was a busy one; too many things to talk about and none of them really interesting enough to be worth taking up space here. I realize that a lot of people use these things as an ongoing play-by-play of their personal life and circumstances and there’s nothing wrong with that either. It’s just not me. If you’re that interested in putting yourself to sleep I’d suggest Benadryl or Tylenol PM and save me the typing.
Have I ever mentioned that there’s really no such thing as time? Probably not. Even so that doesn’t change the fact there are things that need to get done between when the sun comes up and when it goes down. It’s possible to experience the unreality of time but it’s not possible to escape the obligations of day-to-day living.
Sometimes events and changing circumstances come at you with such speed that it’s difficult to assimilate them as they occur and it can be a bit overwhelming. When this happens – as it has with me over the past few weeks – it’s important to take extra precautions to keep yourself centered and sane. It’s in these times that it’s easy to find yourself staggering through life on auto-pilot/survival mode and getting caught in the downstream current. It’s easy to stay on course (assuming you have a course) when there is not much else vying for your attention and time.
I have practiced a lot of meditation over the years (and still do) and there is something that gradually happens as a result where you start to become very conscious of the background awareness that is silently observing every experience in your life, including internal experiences like thought and emotion. It’s neither thought nor emotion and it’s not the running dialogue in your head but it’s something behind all of that. It’s a neutral, unaffected observing presence.
When life becomes more hectic than usual I do everything I can to stay more in tune with that background awareness. There is possible change on the horizon for me career wise and though I don’t really consider myself very ambitious career-wise, there is an exciting opportunity that has arrived neatly wrapped and hand delivered to my doorstep. A job is just a job but it is also what puts food on the table and keeps the lights on and practically speaking, it is a huge facet of anyone’s life. Any change in this area is not to be taken lightly, even if it’s what looks like a good change.
So I’ve been pondering these things and trying to be vigilant about distinguishing logic from intuition and fear from common sense. I’ve been waking up a little bit earlier, being more conscious of every sensation and action that I experience throughout the course of each day, paying more attention to what I eat and how it affects my mind/body, devoting time each day to think about all that is going on, and devoting more time each day to cast thought out of my mind altogether.
On other fronts, I’m very happy to see Obama finally get the nomination. I’m not happy to see that he is already pandering to Israel and I honestly just don’t get this whole thing, which is one of the reasons I don’t talk about these kinds of issues on my blog. I have no idea why it’s just accepted that our country basically plays the role of “beer bitch” for Israel. Maybe hit man is a better analogy than beer bitch. But… I stay away (obviously) from the political blogging so I won’t expound on this digression.
It’s likely that I will need to continue being very attentive and vigilant over the next few weeks. I’m just short of making any big decision but it definitely feels like change is on the horizon and I’m soon to be practicing the Yoga Of Changing Jobs. We’ll see…
Have I ever mentioned that there’s really no such thing as time? Probably not. Even so that doesn’t change the fact there are things that need to get done between when the sun comes up and when it goes down. It’s possible to experience the unreality of time but it’s not possible to escape the obligations of day-to-day living.
Sometimes events and changing circumstances come at you with such speed that it’s difficult to assimilate them as they occur and it can be a bit overwhelming. When this happens – as it has with me over the past few weeks – it’s important to take extra precautions to keep yourself centered and sane. It’s in these times that it’s easy to find yourself staggering through life on auto-pilot/survival mode and getting caught in the downstream current. It’s easy to stay on course (assuming you have a course) when there is not much else vying for your attention and time.
I have practiced a lot of meditation over the years (and still do) and there is something that gradually happens as a result where you start to become very conscious of the background awareness that is silently observing every experience in your life, including internal experiences like thought and emotion. It’s neither thought nor emotion and it’s not the running dialogue in your head but it’s something behind all of that. It’s a neutral, unaffected observing presence.
When life becomes more hectic than usual I do everything I can to stay more in tune with that background awareness. There is possible change on the horizon for me career wise and though I don’t really consider myself very ambitious career-wise, there is an exciting opportunity that has arrived neatly wrapped and hand delivered to my doorstep. A job is just a job but it is also what puts food on the table and keeps the lights on and practically speaking, it is a huge facet of anyone’s life. Any change in this area is not to be taken lightly, even if it’s what looks like a good change.
So I’ve been pondering these things and trying to be vigilant about distinguishing logic from intuition and fear from common sense. I’ve been waking up a little bit earlier, being more conscious of every sensation and action that I experience throughout the course of each day, paying more attention to what I eat and how it affects my mind/body, devoting time each day to think about all that is going on, and devoting more time each day to cast thought out of my mind altogether.
On other fronts, I’m very happy to see Obama finally get the nomination. I’m not happy to see that he is already pandering to Israel and I honestly just don’t get this whole thing, which is one of the reasons I don’t talk about these kinds of issues on my blog. I have no idea why it’s just accepted that our country basically plays the role of “beer bitch” for Israel. Maybe hit man is a better analogy than beer bitch. But… I stay away (obviously) from the political blogging so I won’t expound on this digression.
It’s likely that I will need to continue being very attentive and vigilant over the next few weeks. I’m just short of making any big decision but it definitely feels like change is on the horizon and I’m soon to be practicing the Yoga Of Changing Jobs. We’ll see…
Monday, May 12, 2008
Dancing In The Liquid Fire
I’ve been told on more than one occasion that I am a very disciplined person. This is actually pretty funny to me because I’ve never really considered myself to be so. But if I step back and take a look at myself from the outside, as much as that is possible, I guess it is fair to say that I am relatively disciplined. If this is indeed true, it’s worthwhile to look at the why behind whatever self-discipline that I may possess. It is not something that was forced or even necessarily taught to me (though in come cases it was). Really it is impossible to impose this kind of thing onto another person against their will for any length of time and even if you do, the unwilling participant will lack the necessary sincerity to get much use out of whatever discipline is in question.
Now with that being said it’s not to imply that I’ve never once tried to impose my opinions on how someone should live their life or what they should believe. There was a time period where I fell into this trap and it is indeed a trap because it’s nothing more than the ego creeping back in and trying to use anything it possibly can to make itself feel superior to someone else. This happens to all of us. It especially happens when one discovers something new that is wonderful to them or is introduced to some new idea or system that they resonate strongly with and perhaps have a genuine wish to share it with others with all the best intentions.
You cannot impose discipline on to another person because if that person is to derive any real benefit they have to discover the need and usefulness of it for themselves. It has to be their idea. I don’t think that I have personally ever been the sort to just believe something or go along with it because an authority of some sort told me I had to or that I should. I always asked “Why?” as far as I can remember except in those cases where the ‘why’ was obvious or because I had a certain respect for the person giving the information. I think this is one of the reasons I was drawn so strongly to Buddhism at one point because the Buddha essentially said ‘hey, don’t believe any of this stuff that I am telling you, go find out the truth of it for yourselves.’ That is a philosophy that I can respect.
I’m not Buddhist but at one time I sure thought I was. I also did some Bible thumping for about a three or four month period in my life. That’s pretty funny to think about now but I had my reasons. I’ll probably talk about that here at some point. I’m much more an advocate of direct experience than “faith” but I realize that faith plays an important role also and cannot be dismissed entirely.
Maybe it is true that I am a disciplined individual but we are all disciplined in some sense of the word. None of us are willing to press our hand against a red hot burner on the stove. Discipline? You’re probably saying “no Ben, that’s just common sense”. But it wasn’t common sense at some point along the way. Maybe you found out the hard way or maybe you believed your mommy or daddy when they warned you, but either way you eventually got the message. Really that sums up any ‘discipline’ that I have in my life. This may or may not be pertinent to the topic but incidentally I did just about literally blow up an entire kitchen before I was five years old…
I’m at a point where I feel like there is a lot of good in my life, a lot to be thankful for and a lot to be happy about. This is how life is, there are upswings and downswings. In a lot of ways I am enjoying an upswing at the moment, though ever conscious of the fact that things can and do change at a moment’s notice. I’m comfortable with that. It’s possible that some of the good that is appearing right now is the result of discipline on my part. The fact that I am comfortable with life’s ever changing nature is most definitely a result of discipline on my part. I should also add that I will never be able to take personal credit for so much of this good that is in my life. Much of it is the result of grace and something that I don’t fully comprehend but nonetheless, I try to cooperate with it. I acknowledge it constantly and give thanks constantly also. Call it “God” if you like but keep in mind that I’m not referring to any white-bearded sky daddy. That’s a concept that, like bed-wetting, I had to outgrow. (Sorry, it’s my blog and I get to be a smart ass here.)
I find life to be a beautiful, wondrous, and mysterious experience. I also cannot help but notice that it is an intensely precarious one too. It is this precariousness that inspires the ‘discipline’ that I have. Learning that the red hot stove burns your hand is a metaphorical way of stating something that actually occurs throughout ones entire life. The danger gets less obvious as we get older and hopefully smarter and also because certain things become taken for granted and accepted, as if there were just no other way. Sometimes this is true but often it is not. Again, there is no requirement to participate in something just because everyone else is, whether that be a way of thinking or way of eating or spending or whatever.
A human lifetime can be looked at as a purifying experience. Spiritually speaking, we might just be going through a giant celestial car wash right now. The mud is being wiped away, the obstacles – one by one – being removed. Some of those stains are in there pretty good, requiring a great deal of heat and pressure. This whole thing can be quite painful at times and exquisite at others.
I’m running out of time and words to get into the specifics but I’d like to try to do so in another post or two. I’ve had some people close to me say some very nice things to me lately about stuff that I didn’t realize was that obvious. I’m thinking that what they are referring to is in large part the result of self-discipline which in my case basically consists of the following things: meditation, exercise, dealing with money, diet, and some other stuff that I’d like to maybe talk more about next time.
Now with that being said it’s not to imply that I’ve never once tried to impose my opinions on how someone should live their life or what they should believe. There was a time period where I fell into this trap and it is indeed a trap because it’s nothing more than the ego creeping back in and trying to use anything it possibly can to make itself feel superior to someone else. This happens to all of us. It especially happens when one discovers something new that is wonderful to them or is introduced to some new idea or system that they resonate strongly with and perhaps have a genuine wish to share it with others with all the best intentions.
You cannot impose discipline on to another person because if that person is to derive any real benefit they have to discover the need and usefulness of it for themselves. It has to be their idea. I don’t think that I have personally ever been the sort to just believe something or go along with it because an authority of some sort told me I had to or that I should. I always asked “Why?” as far as I can remember except in those cases where the ‘why’ was obvious or because I had a certain respect for the person giving the information. I think this is one of the reasons I was drawn so strongly to Buddhism at one point because the Buddha essentially said ‘hey, don’t believe any of this stuff that I am telling you, go find out the truth of it for yourselves.’ That is a philosophy that I can respect.
I’m not Buddhist but at one time I sure thought I was. I also did some Bible thumping for about a three or four month period in my life. That’s pretty funny to think about now but I had my reasons. I’ll probably talk about that here at some point. I’m much more an advocate of direct experience than “faith” but I realize that faith plays an important role also and cannot be dismissed entirely.
Maybe it is true that I am a disciplined individual but we are all disciplined in some sense of the word. None of us are willing to press our hand against a red hot burner on the stove. Discipline? You’re probably saying “no Ben, that’s just common sense”. But it wasn’t common sense at some point along the way. Maybe you found out the hard way or maybe you believed your mommy or daddy when they warned you, but either way you eventually got the message. Really that sums up any ‘discipline’ that I have in my life. This may or may not be pertinent to the topic but incidentally I did just about literally blow up an entire kitchen before I was five years old…
I’m at a point where I feel like there is a lot of good in my life, a lot to be thankful for and a lot to be happy about. This is how life is, there are upswings and downswings. In a lot of ways I am enjoying an upswing at the moment, though ever conscious of the fact that things can and do change at a moment’s notice. I’m comfortable with that. It’s possible that some of the good that is appearing right now is the result of discipline on my part. The fact that I am comfortable with life’s ever changing nature is most definitely a result of discipline on my part. I should also add that I will never be able to take personal credit for so much of this good that is in my life. Much of it is the result of grace and something that I don’t fully comprehend but nonetheless, I try to cooperate with it. I acknowledge it constantly and give thanks constantly also. Call it “God” if you like but keep in mind that I’m not referring to any white-bearded sky daddy. That’s a concept that, like bed-wetting, I had to outgrow. (Sorry, it’s my blog and I get to be a smart ass here.)
I find life to be a beautiful, wondrous, and mysterious experience. I also cannot help but notice that it is an intensely precarious one too. It is this precariousness that inspires the ‘discipline’ that I have. Learning that the red hot stove burns your hand is a metaphorical way of stating something that actually occurs throughout ones entire life. The danger gets less obvious as we get older and hopefully smarter and also because certain things become taken for granted and accepted, as if there were just no other way. Sometimes this is true but often it is not. Again, there is no requirement to participate in something just because everyone else is, whether that be a way of thinking or way of eating or spending or whatever.
A human lifetime can be looked at as a purifying experience. Spiritually speaking, we might just be going through a giant celestial car wash right now. The mud is being wiped away, the obstacles – one by one – being removed. Some of those stains are in there pretty good, requiring a great deal of heat and pressure. This whole thing can be quite painful at times and exquisite at others.
I’m running out of time and words to get into the specifics but I’d like to try to do so in another post or two. I’ve had some people close to me say some very nice things to me lately about stuff that I didn’t realize was that obvious. I’m thinking that what they are referring to is in large part the result of self-discipline which in my case basically consists of the following things: meditation, exercise, dealing with money, diet, and some other stuff that I’d like to maybe talk more about next time.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
