Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Only In Amurika

We are the world’s greatest military and economic superpower. When we get an economic tummy ache, the world gets a right awful case of explosive diarrhea. When we start a war, we conquer with shock and awe. We dominate the world stage. We consume three billion pizzas a year. And a shitload of burgers too.

Impressive sounding, but I can find you a Newfoundland dog that can do the same. Powerful empires come and go like teeny-bopping pop stars but every few millennia some great civilization makes a monumental contribution to mankind, something that etches it’s place into the history of human achievement.

Alas, these United States Of America have finally breached the upper echelons of cultural magnificence; our superior ingenuity now demonstrated in a grand and final statement.

I’ll spare you the platitudes. There are no adequate superlatives. In the face of such grand achievement, words fail. So without any further ado…

Humanity, you’re welcome.



Anonymous said...

What is great is that we only lasted a little over 200 years--small change compared to other previous "Top Bananas". And we only reached puberty after WWII--so really, we have only been a force for 60 years plus or minus--now, not even viagra will help.
Wonder if we'll even be mentioned as more than a burp or speed bump in time.
Oh well, maybe we can get foreign aid from whoever is on their way up. My guess is that it won't be anyone from the middle east--gas prices just keep going down so no new missiles in their stockings--no one here has any money to buy cheap chinese crap--so they are out for now--should be an interesting roll of the dice in the near future.
Good to see ya back--

Ben There said...

Thanks Jj. I've been around but somehow just haven't found the time to do a blog entry. When I saw the Burger King perfume thing, I couldn't pass up doing a little 30 second blog entry on it.

You do know why the empire is collapsing don't you? --- It's our tolerance for homosexuality and for allowing so many abortions. Well - that's what I hear anyway. Good God...it's no wonder we're so screwed up.

Anonymous said...

Congratulations Ben.
And the best in the coming to you and yours mate.
Stay safe.

Anastácio Soberbo said...

Nice blog.
Have a Holy Christmas.
A hug from Portugal

Anastácio Soberbo said...

Nice blog.
Have a Holy Christmas.
A hug from Portugal

nina said...

"Flame" is but another comma in the great leveling of empires. What it tells me is now that mankind has reached this level, lower and lower levels will follow. Like a never ending stairase going down, down into the abyss of madness. Its not even amusing, its, well, its repulsive.
Happy holidays to you and Ms. There.

Ben There said...

Tony -

Thank you and Merry Christmas. 2009 is sure to be interesting.

Anastacio -

Gracias for stopping by and the same to you for Christmas.

Nina -

Can you even believe it? Life in America is becoming a Saturday Night Live skit. What can we do but laugh? Best wishes to you and yours for the holidays.

Anonymous said...

Merry!! Merry!!


su said...

And may the new year be filled with the deepest belly laughter imaginable.

notamobster said...

Ben, how incredibly disgusting! Has this entire world gone ape-shit mad? Click on the link for this stuff.


Then click on the spray bottle. In wholly unsurprising fashion they went to excess with the website, as well. (Keep clicking the spray bottle until it comes full circle).

Jesus... it's not bad enough to eat their swill until we explode, but now people will get to wear it too. WTF?!?!? Why not just buy the burger and rub it on, before eating it. (You're thinking thats a disgusting thought, but these are people who want to smell like meat, we're discussing). Not the cream of the human crop.

Nice find though, proves there is no depth that humanity will not plunge to in it's quest for all things vain.

Oh, by the by, check this out:


You must've pissed off someone, pretty bad, sir. I somehow missed the 'b' on blogspot and it sent me to the crazy page at 'logspot'.com