Wednesday, June 4, 2008

The Door Is A Jar

Well, it’s been awhile since I’ve had the time to write here. Really one always has the time it’s just a matter of taking the time to do what’s important to you. But…on the flipside of that, sometimes just surviving the day-to-day can easily devour all of your time. Such has been the case with me lately. May was a busy one; too many things to talk about and none of them really interesting enough to be worth taking up space here. I realize that a lot of people use these things as an ongoing play-by-play of their personal life and circumstances and there’s nothing wrong with that either. It’s just not me. If you’re that interested in putting yourself to sleep I’d suggest Benadryl or Tylenol PM and save me the typing.

Have I ever mentioned that there’s really no such thing as time? Probably not. Even so that doesn’t change the fact there are things that need to get done between when the sun comes up and when it goes down. It’s possible to experience the unreality of time but it’s not possible to escape the obligations of day-to-day living.

Sometimes events and changing circumstances come at you with such speed that it’s difficult to assimilate them as they occur and it can be a bit overwhelming. When this happens – as it has with me over the past few weeks – it’s important to take extra precautions to keep yourself centered and sane. It’s in these times that it’s easy to find yourself staggering through life on auto-pilot/survival mode and getting caught in the downstream current. It’s easy to stay on course (assuming you have a course) when there is not much else vying for your attention and time.

I have practiced a lot of meditation over the years (and still do) and there is something that gradually happens as a result where you start to become very conscious of the background awareness that is silently observing every experience in your life, including internal experiences like thought and emotion. It’s neither thought nor emotion and it’s not the running dialogue in your head but it’s something behind all of that. It’s a neutral, unaffected observing presence.

When life becomes more hectic than usual I do everything I can to stay more in tune with that background awareness. There is possible change on the horizon for me career wise and though I don’t really consider myself very ambitious career-wise, there is an exciting opportunity that has arrived neatly wrapped and hand delivered to my doorstep. A job is just a job but it is also what puts food on the table and keeps the lights on and practically speaking, it is a huge facet of anyone’s life. Any change in this area is not to be taken lightly, even if it’s what looks like a good change.

So I’ve been pondering these things and trying to be vigilant about distinguishing logic from intuition and fear from common sense. I’ve been waking up a little bit earlier, being more conscious of every sensation and action that I experience throughout the course of each day, paying more attention to what I eat and how it affects my mind/body, devoting time each day to think about all that is going on, and devoting more time each day to cast thought out of my mind altogether.

On other fronts, I’m very happy to see Obama finally get the nomination. I’m not happy to see that he is already pandering to Israel and I honestly just don’t get this whole thing, which is one of the reasons I don’t talk about these kinds of issues on my blog. I have no idea why it’s just accepted that our country basically plays the role of “beer bitch” for Israel. Maybe hit man is a better analogy than beer bitch. But… I stay away (obviously) from the political blogging so I won’t expound on this digression.

It’s likely that I will need to continue being very attentive and vigilant over the next few weeks. I’m just short of making any big decision but it definitely feels like change is on the horizon and I’m soon to be practicing the Yoga Of Changing Jobs. We’ll see…


Anonymous said...

Good luck with your job change decision Ben.
My first job lasted 8yrs (left because I wanted to go adventuring), second 15yrs then went working for myself (going on 30yrs).
Biggest thing/s - have confidence in yourself and while you are helping yourself; help others on the way. Oh! and a big one that I found most difficult (only in beginning my own business); be mindful of your family.
I reckoned my best investment was me.
Good luck mate.

Ben There said...

Thanks Tony. I've been at the same place for over 7 years now. I have it pretty good there and I'm not particularly unhappy with anything so that makes it alot harder to leave. But this other opportunity offers some things that I could never get at my existing job. The money would be more also but that's not my driving force in this decision. Going from a company of 500+ people to one of only 11 or 12 has it's risks and rewards. But I almost feel like I'd be stupid to pass something like this up. I imagine within a week or so I'll have decided one way or the other. I appreciate your input. Hope all is well on your side of the planet.

Anonymous said...

Living 'down under' our one and only fear is of falling off.