We are the world’s greatest military and economic superpower. When we get an economic tummy ache, the world gets a right awful case of explosive diarrhea. When we start a war, we conquer with shock and awe. We dominate the world stage. We consume three billion pizzas a year. And a shitload of burgers too.
Impressive sounding, but I can find you a Newfoundland dog that can do the same. Powerful empires come and go like teeny-bopping pop stars but every few millennia some great civilization makes a monumental contribution to mankind, something that etches it’s place into the history of human achievement.
Alas, these United States Of America have finally breached the upper echelons of cultural magnificence; our superior ingenuity now demonstrated in a grand and final statement.
I’ll spare you the platitudes. There are no adequate superlatives. In the face of such grand achievement, words fail. So without any further ado…
Humanity, you’re welcome.