Beer And Incense

Stay Thirsty My Friends

2012-01-23T18:13:00.000-08:00

About twelve years ago on a typical sweltering summer evening, I sat on the steps leading up to my apartment sipping on a lukewarm Coors Light (nectar of the gods at that time) longneck. Lukewarm because during July in Texas if you don’t down it in less than two minutes that’s what happens. I probably shotgunned the first one for that very reason but I was taking it easy on number two. There was no hurry. I had nowhere to be, nothing to do. I was almost always grateful for that condition back then. Not that I had a bustling social life. By then I had almost no social life. I’d phased it out over a number of years for reasons that were surely misunderstood by those who I ran with for so long before.

I needed to explore and expand. I needed to start figuring out who I was and who I would be. I needed plenty of solitude and free time; time to dabble in loneliness and introversion and unfamiliarity. In short, time and space for an inward journey that had begun years before but was constrained by old habits and roles.

It’s fascinating to feel yourself changing as it happens. To notice things that were once so deadly important to you become not that important at all. To watch your previous hopes and fears dissolve and be replaced by new hopes and fears; in my case, ones that were now mostly vague and undefined.

Back in those days – I call them my apartment days – there were some very large and looming questions, intimidating but exciting. Will I graduate with a high enough GPA? Where will I live? What will my job be? How will I get that job? There will be a girl. Who will she be? What will she be like? How will we meet? Have we already met?

These are fun questions. It’s only natural for there to be a little anxiety around questions like these, and for me there was, but more importantly there was just an underlying sense of knowing that it was all going to work out. I never knew how. I just knew it would work out. I never stressed myself over it too much. There was something beautiful about not knowing. That little bit of anxiety was really more like anticipation.

Many a summer evening was spent sitting out on those steps, drinking beer and letting my thoughts wander where they may. Reflecting on where I’d been, looking out into a vague outline of the future. I always felt like I was ‘on my way up’ during that period, which made sense because as a college student that is really the only direction to go. And that is a very free feeling. Those college days had their stressors. Make no mistake about it. There were exams to study for and cumbersome, time consuming projects with approaching deadlines - always last minute undertakings for me. But there was also a certain wide open, anything is possible feeling of freedom that you really don’t appreciate when you actually have it.

That’s one of the things they don’t tell you when you are young and on your way up. They don’t tell you that that nothing-to-lose feeling, though it may have a bit of an edge, is actually a very worthwhile state of being. It’s a bliss that will go away once you’ve established yourself, acquired the things you set out to acquire, and generally achieved what you set out to achieve.

Sitting on those apartment steps ruminating away the summer evenings I often felt like I was starting to figure things out. It is so cliché but so undeniably true that when you’re young, totally inexperienced in the world, and know next to nothing, you really do think that you know it all. And that’s probably so because life hasn’t had time yet to confront you with what you don’t know. It’s easy to be convinced of your own brilliance when it’s been all theory and no practice. Nonetheless – it’s still a sublime state, a necessary one, and one that anyone over the age of thirty will probably find themselves missing at some point in their lives.

Which I think leads me to the point of this meandering, out-of-practice, disjointed attempt at an internet age cave scrawling. When I was sitting there nursing that watered down beer twelve years ago, I really had figured out a lot. I knew change was coming. I knew I’d get to where I needed to be in life and that worrying too much about it was a waste of energy. I knew that if I completed the immediate steps that were there in front of me that the future would work itself out. The Universe would provide. It always had.

But there was at least one epic truth that I was completely blind to. Success and achievement come with a price – a heavy price if we are honest with ourselves. And that price is a freedom and light-heartedness that can only exist when you have nothing to lose; when you have your whole life in front of you, when things are more theoretical than practical, more whimsical than utilitarian.

I have a lot now, in every sense of the word. I’ve accomplished what I set out to accomplish. I feel both lucky and grateful for it. But I also have a lot to lose now. And I’m old enough to see how fragile life really is. How it can go so quickly, and how forces that are completely out of my control could take it from me.

Do I long to go back to being twenty five, sitting on a balcony drinking beer with scarcely a care in the world and not much to lose? Not for a second. This is a different phase of the journey, with different happiness and different anxieties. I didn’t see the flipside of adulthood and success when I was twenty five but I can look back on some of my concerns from that time and be comforted and reassured about what lies ahead. Those old questions have been replaced with new ones that are no less intimidating or significant. But I have the experience now to know that worrying about them is not worth my precious time. Now, just as then, the Universe will provide. And knowing that is one of the things that make me smile when I sit out on the back porch and have a beer these days.

Perspective

2011-10-02T16:04:00.000-07:00

When you go over two months without writing a blog post you know what happens? You kind of forget how to make a blog post. But after that much times goes by you start to feel compelled to write something because over the years some friendships have formed and your only point of contact is the blog and it’s only fair to let those people know that you are still alive and that you still know how operate a keyboard. So…I am, and I do.

I’ve often thought it would be kind of cool and useful to start writing little life lessons down that a 34 year old Ben would tell a 20 year old Ben (or some other young dude). I recently made a mental note that when I got back to this blog that is exactly what I would do, but as it is, I’m going to keep that on hold for the time being because something very significant happened a few weeks ago and it merits a mention here.

A few weeks ago I received a message that my two year old niece had had a really bad accident and was in ICU at one of our local hospitals – one that just happens to be one of the best children’s hospitals in the United States. She had fractured her skull and face in multiple places and was on a breathing machine with an uncertain future.

Getting this news was a 9/11 kind of moment for me (and obviously more so for my brother and his wife). I’ll never forget where I was and what I was doing at the time or the tones of voices of the various family members who I spoke to, all within maybe a five minute period. That period was followed by a frantic rush to get out of the house and to the hospital. On arriving at the hospital I saw the single worst sight I have ever seen in my entire life: that precious two year old girl with a hugely swollen face, large black/red circles around her eyes, small amounts of blood coming from her nose and ears, and numerous tubes coming out of her throat and limbs, and the various machinery that connected to those tubes; then of course my brother and sister and law, and the looks of horror and helplessness on their faces.

I’m not going to try to describe the emotion or drama of that whole event. For one, I’d never do it justice but the main reason is because it doesn’t matter now. What matters now is that this is happy post. And these are happy times. These are times that are the little wake up calls reminding you that every moment is precious and nothing is to be taken for granted.

To sum it up, my niece was in ICU on a ventilator machine for about five days. On the afternoon of the fifth day they removed her breathing tube (and the other various tubes) and she immediately began breathing on her own and her body began functioning as it should. It wasn’t an easy journey by any stretch but after two weeks she was released from the hospital, and now, on the third week, she is walking, talking, climbing, laughing, eating, and doing all the things that two year olds do; which is really something considering this time last week she could not walk without falling over or stand up without holding on to something. She is in a large neck brace and still has some physical therapy ahead of her but for the most part is back to her old self.

I do not like the word miracle but this has been an extraordinary recovery and endless Gratitude is the name of the game for this uncle and this family.

On Civility, Or: Real Life Versus The Internets

2011-07-27T21:13:00.000-07:00

Those of us who have spent a considerable amount of time discussing and debating politics and current events online have a tendency to become quite the vitriol spewing blowhards. There is something about this medium – primarily the anonymity and lack of physical proximity to one’s opponents – that just fosters over-the-top invective. As an admitted and experienced online socio-political demagogue, I’m more than qualified to express this observation. I’ve spent enough time engaged in this activity to realize that those of us who do this become cartoonish caricatures of normal, opinionated human beings.

That’s not to say that it’s a completely negative or non-worthwhile hobby. To the contrary, if you hang out in the right online locales and tangle with enough well-informed, intelligent opponents, it can be quite the learning experience. But almost as a rule, it gets very nasty very fast and otherwise mature, reasonable adults end up in virtual shit-slinging fests that would (or should) be completely humiliating in a less anonymous, real world environment.

I’m all for debate and discussion. Indeed, it is a pity to me that discussing politics is considered such an impolite taboo. It’s one of the things that drives me to online discussion forums. In the real world we are so concerned about not offending our peers that we have conditioned ourselves to just not discuss these matters that really do affect all of us very deeply. It’s like we’ve admitted that we lack the capacity to have grown up discussions about grown up topics. This, in my view, is a serious mistake. Vigorous debate is healthy, necessary even. Especially in a democracy where, allegedly, peons like us actually have some control of our political fortunes. It’s okay that we have strong disagreements. That is actually the point of a democratic republic; to have a structured and civilized way to direct public policy in a manner that accounts for differing viewpoints and preferences. It is more than a little tragic that it’s socially acceptable to spend hours arguing about sports or reality TV shows that have zero real impact on any of our lives, but it’s a big no-no to talk about the debt ceiling or healthcare debate, or tax policy, or our wars – things that, unlike whether or not Lady Gaga has a penis, actually do matter.

The reason for me saying all of this is that yesterday I actually did call both of my senators (John Cornyn and Kay Bailey Hutchinson) and my representative (Dr. Michael Burgess) to “make my voice heard” on this debt ceiling debacle. When an online demagogue like myself does something like this, the first thing you realize is that ranting and raving like a hysterical lunatic will get you absolutely nowhere. When you have an actual person on the phone (much less face to face) and they are speaking to you intelligently and with courtesy about these issues that you may feel so passionately about, you realize that, like you, they are human beings just trying to do the best they can. Pardon the corniness. Granted, this doesn’t apply to everyone but I think it’s safe to say that it applies to most. When talking to Michael Burgesse’s aide, who was (thankfully) being bombarded by calls yesterday, it certainly applied to her. When you are used to communicating these issues through hyperbole and angry rhetoric, actual contact with a reasonable human being kind of deflates your balloon. And what you realize – or what I realized – is that articulating your thoughts respectfully and in real time, to someone who is treating you – despite your strong disagreement on the issues – with courtesy and kindness, is a very rewarding and challenging thing.

Being polite, sticking to facts, being specific, avoiding insults and inflammatory rhetoric, certainly feels more constructive than the ad-hominem, ball-kicking, hair-pulling internet brawls that have become the norm for many of us. But in our defense, because of the aforementioned strange cultural norm, the interwebs are the only outlet available to those of us who enjoy and see value in spirited debate and open political discourse.

Now I may very well be deluding myself. My call yesterday might have been utterly meaningless in the scheme of things. But I don’t see how it could have been any more meaningless than getting in juvenile(ish) pissing matches with complete strangers online. The online thing has its place and purpose and I won’t deny that. But in theory, this democratic republic of ours affords some actual say and power to us individual citizens, and that power is not being put to any kind of meaningful use by simply yelling at people we disagree with online. There is probably not a single one of us who does not want change in some form and directing all of our political energy to the blogosphere will not do much to affect that change. In real life, calling someone a teahadist or libtard will do nothing but guarantee that other people will immediately discount you as an unreasonable extremist. If you want change, you do not want to be discounted. If you want to be able to persuade or inform your fellow citizens, you cannot come off as a blowhard. There will always be the real-life blowhards and they will always be the laughingstocks of everyone else.

I’m not sure what the moral of the story is here. I do know that I had a conversation with someone yesterday who was near someone in power, and we were/are on opposite ends of the political divide. We talked in specifics, in a reasonable manner, and listened to one another receptively and at a bare minimum my views were registered and acknowledged. My “voice was heard”, for whatever that is worth. I’m as cynical as the next guy but that style of discourse sure felt more constructive than the anonymous, online variety.

I’m familiar enough with history to know that social progress and positive change has always started from the ground up, with seemingly inconsequential people like you and me. Maybe the internet has, among other things, served as a kind of trap where otherwise politically active people who give a shit get stuck, instead of taking an approach that might have an actual impact. Just a thought.

The Mexican Fisherman

2011-07-16T15:51:00.000-07:00

An American tourist was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked.

Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The tourist complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.
The Mexican replied, "Only a little while."

The tourist then asked, "Why didn't you stay out longer and catch more fish?"

The Mexican said, "With this I have more than enough to support my family's needs."

The tourist then asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a full and busy life."

The tourist scoffed, " I can help you. You should spend more time fishing; and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat: With the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats. Eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor; eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You could leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then Los Angeles and eventually New York where you could run your ever-expanding enterprise."

The Mexican fisherman asked, "But, how long will this all take?"
The tourist replied, "15 to 20 years."

"But what then?" asked the Mexican.

The tourist laughed and said, "That's the best part. When the time is right you would sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions."

"Millions?...Then what?"

The American said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos."

I came across this a few weeks ago and have been meaning to put it here, for my own reference if nothing else. This story elegantly illustrates one of the fundamental problems of the collective American psyche – the over-emphasis of material and financial “success”. More is always better. As one person put it: We live to work, they work to live.

One of the great things about America is that each individual is free to determine their own personal values and choose how they want to live their life. What’s so interesting is how little variation there actually is when it comes to those values and lifestyle choices. Our cookie cutter idea of success is so pervasive that the entire culture seems to be built around the acquisition of stuff and money. We express our unique, rugged individuality by pursuing the exact same goals as everyone else and conspicuously consuming the same products.

It’s worth noting that a population willing to work ever longer hours, sacrifice their personal relationships, time with family, and opportunities to pursue other areas of human development chasing this pre-packaged ideal, works out very conveniently for the ultra-wealthy business owner and executive class. In short, people who can never have enough make for great employees. The carrot and stick approach is a fabulous way to get the most out of your human capital. Sadly, it can easily be observed that even when people do achieve this very narrowly defined version of success they are still just as discontent as before, often even more so. This myth about what is supposed to make us happy and what we are supposed to be is probably one of the greater ills of our time.

My Top 5 Fiction Favorites

2011-06-29T19:58:00.000-07:00

I recently finished reading two Charles Dickens novels and liked one of them so much that I thought to myself, “you know, this is easily in my top five favorite novels of all time”. That thought prompted the question of what exactly are my top five favorite works of fiction and the answer came so easily that it seemed significant enough to get on record. I like to do this sort of thing because it’s a given that preferences will change over time and it’s neat to look back years later and see what my tastes were at a particular phase of my life.

I’ve been an avid reader through most of my adult life but have always underestimated the value of fiction, being more concerned with history and fact and how the world works and why things are the way they are. You can go a long way towards that with non-fiction, assuming you do your homework and always try to get the background on the author’s motivation and agenda and what factors are involved with their particular point of view. Everyone is bullshitting you to some extent, just as you bullshit others and yourself to some degree. We can’t help it. But we can consider information that is presented to us with that in mind. The importance of this cannot be understated if you are truly interested in gaining an accurate view of the world.

But anyway…I’ve generally neglected fiction because I’ve been interested in learning about reality and practical things that I can apply in my own life. It’s only been over the last few years that I have ventured off into the wide, wonderful world of novels. And in doing so I’ve come to realize you can learn a tremendous amount from them also. Instead of facts and figures you learn about the human condition and the limitless scope of human creativity and imagination. Non-fiction can make you smart but fiction can make you wise. Personally I have come to value wisdom over intelligence.

So without any further ado here are my top five favorite fiction works (in order):

1. Jitterbug Perfume – Tom Robbins
2. Siddhartha – Herman Hesse
3. David Copperfield – Charles Dickens
4. Island – Aldous Huxley
5. The Lord Of The Rings Trilogy – J.R.R. Tolkien

This, of course, is subject to change and the number five was totally arbitrary.

Maybe next time I’ll do top ten.

Global Mourning

2011-06-22T18:10:00.000-07:00

I recently found myself in a discussion about global warming, which is something I will only do with individuals who are least nominally capable of grappling with objective reality. On topics such as this that limits my prospects considerably.

The conversation went through the typical motions and concluded with my associate making a statement along the lines of: The American people are hostile to government action that addresses global warming because they know it will increase their costs at the pump and quite frankly, many wouldn’t be able to afford it.

Prior to the above statement I had been expressing my amusement and semi-bewilderment that the majority of the public had been convinced to believe something contrary to the conclusions of legitimate and rigorous scientific findings.
My associate’s retort was a valid one and we both commented on how common it was for individuals to be selectively skeptical of medical findings that interfere with lifestyle habits they are strongly attached to, downplaying the risks of smoking, eating Big Macs, or whatever.

This is all well and good and I appreciate and agree with the point that was made, but my objection lies not so much with my fellow Americans being reluctant to pay higher gas prices, but rather with the fact that they have been convinced that there are no risks associated with that choice; that “global warming is a hoax” or that it is a hotly debated topic within the scientific community. My problem is with the multi-billion dollar public relations campaign being waged by the most powerful corporations on Earth to sow doubt and skepticism, and generally manipulate opinion in the same cynical fashion that had tobacco industry funded doctors publishing reports telling us that not only was smoking not bad for you, it actually had positive health benefits. The parallels between the “global warming is a hoax” and “smoking has no harmful health effects” campaigns are striking. Both are cases of incredibly powerful industries doing damage control when overwhelming evidence starts to show that their product is harming human beings.

That Americans want to protect their pocketbook against higher gas prices is understandable and they cannot be faulted for that. But allowing themselves to be manipulated on such a mass scale to be “skeptical” of conclusions reached by over 90% of the experts in that field, while gullibly swallowing propaganda fed to them by oil companies is pathologically stupid. It’s unforgiveable.

The media presents the debate as if there are somehow two equal opposing sides. That the assertions of corporate-owned right wing politicians and television pundits, along with a few oil company funded “studies”, are the equivalent of the overwhelming, worldwide, scientific consensus on the topic. Given that no entity on Earth – with the exception of Wal Mart – rakes in more revenue than the five major energy corporations, and that the advertising dollars from these companies is staggering, perhaps it’s at least explainable (though by no means acceptable) that the media so complicit in this mass ignorance.

It’s true that most Americans get their information about the outside world from watching television and don’t have the time to do in-depth research on all of the issues of the day. But this is a potentially tragic situation, and one that does not do the collective intellect of the American public justice.

I would submit that given the opportunity to make a truly informed decision between lower gas prices now and taking action to reduce the consequences that science tells us will result from not lowering our carbon emissions, the result would be different than what we are now seeing.

If the same discipline that brought us cell phones, modern medicine, and space travel is telling us that there are very real and likely catastrophic environmental costs associated with continuing to burn fossil fuels at the current pace, those costs should be reflected in the price at the pump. Otherwise the market, that Hallowed Deity, is grossly distorted. And if the public was more informed as to how our wars in the Middle East and the so called war on terror are directly related to oil, they would realize that those costs should also factor in to their price at the pump.

The truth is that gas prices in the US are artificially low and this is solely the result of the power wielded by the energy corporations. Yes, this gives the illusion of being easier on the pocketbooks of American consumers, but the true cost is eventually paid one way or another. That may take the form of trillion dollar wars that costs lives in addition to taxpayer dollars, or environmental catastrophes with costs that we may not yet be able to comprehend but would be psychotic not to consider. By the time we begin to understand those costs it will probably be too late, and future generations will look back on us a society of gullible, short-sighted dupes that were either too selfish or too stupid to confront reality and make the necessary but difficult changes that could have prevented such a tragic predicament.

On Reproduction

2011-06-02T18:54:00.000-07:00

Why no kids?

It’s a question I have been asked so many times, a few of them with touching sincerity and genuine curiosity, and it’s one that I have never answered as earnestly as I should. In fact it is likely that I’ve never answered that question for myself in a comprehensive way; which, of itself provides a significant clue on the subject. To put it most honestly and simply, becoming a parent is something I just have never given that much thought to. And given the permanent, life changing implications and tremendous responsibility associated with child-rearing (what a weird phrase), I am of the mind that this is something one should feel passionately about if you’re going to go there. If it’s going to be a choice, which – let’s be honest – for many it isn’t/wasn’t, then it needs to be a well thought out and definitive choice. It needs to be something you want as much or more than anything else that earthly existence has to offer; something that stirs your soul. Something that you feel you cannot live without.

For me, it never was. If and when I thought about it at all it just seemed to be something I vaguely knew that I didn’t want to do. Like becoming a professional taxidermist or entering a hot dog eating contest, it’s never been one of those things that required a great deal of internal debate to know that it was not my cup of tea. Contrast that with the many, perhaps the majority, who feel the intense, in some cases almost desperate desire to produce offspring. It is my opinion that the child bearing is best left to the people who fall into that category. It reasonable to assume that they feel that way for a good reason, and I feel the way I do for a good reason, although the reason seems much less important for those of us who chose to abstain (from conception, that is).

Now. To go deeper into the issue it’s probably worth approaching the prospect of parenthood from the perspective of my view of life in general. For as long as I can remember I have felt an inner imperative to move through life as lightly and simply as possible. There have been decisions made that were not always congruent with this principle – who among us can truly say that they’ve lived up to their own values 100% of the time? – but for the most part, keeping the literal and metaphorical baggage to a minimum has been a consistent theme throughout my adult life. This is not something I feel compelled to justify to anyone anymore than I feel the need to explain my rationale for green being my favorite color. It is what it is. I had a seventh grade art teacher who gave the sage advice of K.I.S.S…Keep It Simple Stupid. Seeing as the act of living itself can be viewed as a form of art – perhaps the highest form – it made sense to me to apply this concept in the broadest context possible.

Raising kids in this current environment that we find ourselves in is, in my opinion, wholly incompatible with the K.I.S.S. philosophy, which brings up another significant factor in my decision to be a non-breeder – environment. Human beings are screwing up the planet. And the more of us there are, the more rapidly we wreck the natural world. I realize that at one point in our evolutionary history it made sense for us to reproduce at the highest possible levels. Indeed, it was key to our survival as a species. But at this phase of our evolutionary development I am of the opinion that the reverse is now true. That is, indiscriminate and mass reproduction now actually threatens survival of the species. Humankind, in all its arrogance and folly, now threatens its host planet. Resource wars, despite the bullshit explanations proffered up by the powers that be, are already commonplace. Humans kill each other over access to oil now and we will likely do so over water in the not so distant future. And knowledgeable sources and agencies are already predicting food shortages within the coming decades.

Not to be so heavy on the doom and gloom but ignoring problems will not make them go away and from my perspective these are reasonable things to take into account when considering making your own addition(s) to the Earth’s population.

Then there are environmental considerations of a different sort. What kind of a society/environment would I want to introduce my own children into? Frankly, not this one. There are many great things about America but it is not a place I would want to raise kids. With so much emphasis on competition, materialism, money, greed, consumption, image, and so on, it seems like our values are exactly backwards from the ones I would want to instill into any child that I brought into this world. And I’m afraid that despite my best efforts, it would be impossible for me to shelter my child from a culture that appears to have gone so horribly wrong somehow. The forces of hyperconsumption and reckless, self-serving ambition permeate almost every aspect of American culture and the onslaught of conditioning starts well before preschool.

There are also the metaphysical aspects of child-bearing. It is a hard truth, but life is suffering. Even for those of us who were blessed enough to be born into almost ideal circumstances, with an abundance of love and security, life is a difficult affair. It is also a beautiful, enriching, and rewarding one, and I do not mean to downplay the inherent good in human life, but nor will I deny the bad. And bringing a new life into that certain guaranteed amount of pain and suffering that is also inherent is something that generates significant resistance from my conscience. And as one of Aldous Huxley’s fictional characters in his book “Island” points out, any good Buddhist knows that childbirth is simply delayed assassination. Though I cannot rightfully claim to be a Buddhist, I am quite sympathetic to this sentiment.

Furthermore, simply providing for kids and a family in today’s world is no small or simple feat. From a purely financial standpoint the act of parenting appears daunting to me. Were I a parent, providing materially for my children would be the single most important part of my life. It would, of necessity, override any and all other considerations. By no means would this be an insurmountable situation but I cannot see how the majority of one’s time, energy, and efforts would not be primarily directed towards this end at the exclusion of all others. And when I take an honest assessment of myself, I cannot deny that I am someone who requires a certain amount of freedom and latitude. I need time to think, time to be, time to explore, room to make mistakes, a fair amount of solitude and quiet, and time to pursue things other than providing materially for myself or others. Notice I included ‘myself’ there. I already feel that too much of my time and energy goes into the pursuit of money. It is a fact of life, and one that I accept and have adapted to, but not one that I will willingly excaserbate.

All of this being said, I do not hold it against any of my peers - that being the majority - who feel differently. I do not feel contemptuous or superior to them. On the contrary, I am grateful for them. People have kids for a variety of reasons, some of which I do feel are ridiculous, but for those parents and kids who I am fortunate enough to have in my life, I am thankful. My young nieces and nephew give me feelings of delight and happiness that are uniquely wonderful, and – I might add – somewhat unexpected. (Who knew I loved little kids so much?) And I know whatever feelings of joy these little ones provide me is felt to an exponentially higher degree by their actual parents. I have no doubt that there is a level of satisfaction and fulfillment that can only be experienced and understood by parents, and I applaud them. And for the sacrifices and devotion and love that is given in such abundance by parents, I truly admire them. It is an enormous responsibility, and I am continually surprised and impressed by the skill and competency that I’ve observed in those close to me who find themselves tackling the various challenges associated with parenthood.

Also, I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason. If I were to find myself a parent I would know that it was meant to be and the resources and wherewithal necessary would appear in me, just as they have in those around me who have been thrust into parenthood. I’ve learned to never rule out any possibility. And woe unto him who ignores the admonition to ‘never say never’.

R.I.P. Joe Bageant

2011-03-30T18:12:00.000-07:00

A master of wit, wisdom, and razor sharp social commentary, whose truly unique perspective will be sorely missed. Part philosopher, comic, and humanitarian, I count him among my significant influences.

Thank you for being who you were Joe. That's all.

Libya

2011-03-27T19:33:00.000-07:00

This is an interesting case because many of us have found ourselves having a difficult time forming a definitive position on what is taking place. On the one hand, a tyrannical dictator was using fighter jets, tanks, and other heavy military equipment to attack a civilian population. This certainly qualifies as a humanitarian crisis. Nevermind that much of said military equipment is probably of US and European origin. It can be argued that the mass slaughter of civilians presents a moral obligation for a dominant, allegedly pro-democracy and pro-human rights country like the United States to intervene on behalf of the civilians who find themselves under attack.

I’m sympathetic to this argument. However, a fair counter point is made. What of other similar cases of innocent people being slaughtered en masse where the US did not intervene?

It is an excellent question and the fact is, when you look at US military action over the past twenty years, there is no clear or consistent standard of what constitutes justification for US intervention. This is one part of the problem for me. But the real problem is, historically, when has US military action in middle eastern countries ever had a net positive outcome? Our track record is abysmal. We have a spectacular ability to turn a bad situation into a hellish one and create a host of determined new enemies in the process. The term is blowback. And it’s what happens when you blow up lots of innocent people. Friends and relatives of blown up people do not give a shit about the US’s proclaimed intentions – even in the rare instance that our intentions are not blatantly self-serving.

As to the legality of Obama’s actions, the fact that the decision for a no-fly zone originated within the UN and was mandated through a security council resolution (unlike Iraq) absolves him from any legal wrongdoing. The United Nations Participation Act passed in 1945 excuses the president from needing congressional approval for a case like this. No domestic or international laws have been broken by participating/leading the implementation of a no-fly zone over Libya. Anything beyond that is questionable.

However, just because it is legal does not automatically mean that it is right. Other points have been made concerning the will of the Libyan population. It has been argued that that should be the foremost consideration concerning US involvement. I wholeheartedly agree with this argument. The weakness of this argument is that it views an entire civilian population as a monolithic bloc, which is really an impossible assumption. But every indication I have seen suggests that yes, in general, the Libyan rebels (which we are again assuming is representative of the larger population) asked for and support a UN implemented no-fly zone.

It could be that I have succumbed to spin or propaganda from the various information sources I’ve used to form my opinions. As a rule I take every measure to avoid that but it’s not out of realm of possibility. Aside from the various news reports, it makes sense on a gut level. When civilians are being bombed by fighter jets and tanks it stands to reason that they support action alleviating that situation. With that in mind, I do break from some of the voices out there that I generally agree with on foreign policy issues, and find myself highly sympathetic to the view that the US/UN has a moral obligation to intervene and prevent the mass slaughter of civilians by the heavy firepower of their own government.

With that being said, Middle Eastern as well as American citizens have every reason to be highly skeptical about this (and any) US military intervention. Reluctance and reservation are not just understandable, but – at this point – are the only sane and rational response to any military aggression by the US.

And while I lean towards support of the no-fly zone, anything beyond that is suspect. Anything outside the specific mission outlined by the security council resolution is an immediate game changer. If US ground forces enter Libya, we’ll know we’ve been had (again). At this point one just hopes that this is that one out of twenty times when our intentions are pure and our action is justified.

Pursuing Happiness

2011-03-16T18:27:00.000-07:00

Hat tip to JRB at ladypoverty for his always insightful commentary and for directing my attention to this article from the WSJ.

At the risk of (re)stating the obvious it should be pointed out that ours is a society that overwhelmingly emphasizes instant gratification, pleasure, and relentless pursuit and adoration of the superficial. Whether or not that is intentional isn’t important. What is important is understanding the effects that this particular trait of the collective psyche has on our overall health and well-being.

The WSJ article talks about two kinds of happiness: eudaimonic – which refers to an overall sense of well-being, and hedonic – which refers to a more short term, fleeting kind of happiness.

When one thinks in terms of economics – which, sadly, seems to be the best lens for gleaning cause and effect relationships in the real world – it’s easy to understand why the hedonic is more highly valued than the eudaimonic. The key word is value. Value means dollars, profits. Pursuing immediate, short-lived happiness keeps us spending because repeating those temporary thrills somehow, almost always, translates into buying something; something that we will either consume, discard, or lose interest in shortly after purchasing it. This works out great for companies selling us junk we don’t need and employers that appreciate employees who remain in a perpetual state of financial insecurity because they promptly blow their entire paycheck in a hedonic frenzy. (Financially insecure individuals are amazingly amenable to employer ~~demands~~ requests!)

Probably as a result of the increasingly obvious perils of crass materialism starting to seep into the mass consciousness, more attention is being devoted to understanding how people might achieve authentic happiness. This could prove to be entertaining as any newly “exploding” field is destined to be latched onto by the marketing world as they seek to answer the question: how can this rising sentiment be exploited to sell our product?

Self-fulfillment, purpose, and meaning aren’t concepts that easily lend themselves to the consumerist model. That doesn’t mean there won’t be, and haven’t already been, cynical attempts to do just that (designer yoga mats, $1500 meditation retreats?).

I appreciate the WSJ article because the cited study provides empirical evidence strongly suggesting something that most of us have observed and intuitively felt: that our culture’s extreme emphasis on materialism is harmful to our psychological and physical health.

Just what the rising awareness of this will mean in practical terms remains to be seen. There will be no sudden shift in American values, that much is certain. Human nature being what it is and the all-pervasive, highly sophisticated marketing machine being what it is both ensure this. But I don’t think resistance is futile. And it’s encouraging to speculate on how society might gradually reshape itself if our collective ideas of success and ambition are redefined to include meaning, purpose, and authentic self-fulfillment.

Gone Acoustic

2011-03-15T20:05:00.000-07:00

A month or two I set a goal to write something new on this blog at least twice a week. That hasn't quite worked out as intended because life happens, and things come up. Things always come up. Amazing, that.

Here's my excuse this week...

This weekend, in anticipation of a modest but much welcomed tax-refund, I finally broke down and purchased an acoustic guitar. It was something I'd been thinking about for months if not years. That seems to be the way I work. I get an idea in my head, it lingers there and marinates for some length of time, and eventually I manage to act on it. Occasionally I do something impulsive but usually, for whatever reason, it takes awhile for my visions, ideas, or whatever to come to fruition. For instance, I've been thinking of planting a small vegetable garden because the idea of eating food that I've grown has become very appealling. Who knows when this will actually happen, but chances are that it will.

So anyway - I bought this guitar Sunday morning, after playing maybe ten different prospects the day before. I didn't want to break the bank but I did want something decent. I ended up with a Seagull Entourage. (I'm too lazy and hurried to put up a picture or link right now.)

I've played (or attempted to) guitar for a number of years now but I've always been an electric guy. For the longest time acoustic just didn't appeal to me. But lately the simplicity, portability, and versatility of acoustic has kind of gradually drawn me that direction; possibly another outward expression of my inner state.

I've had the guitar since Sunday and there hasn't been a tremendous amount of free time since then but what free time there has been, has been spent with the acoustic. It really is alot of fun and challenging in its own way. It's physically harder to play than the stratocaster but the quickness and ease with which you can learn songs is amazing. It's a totally different vibe and has really reignited my interest in playing music. Undoubtedly our trip to Austin two weekends ago tipped me over the edge on this.

And thus goes my latest excuse for neglecting the blog. Maybe this weekend I can introduce the acoustic to the blog via the dinky iFlip camera, and we can have a little infomercial for Seagull guitars here. (And my adoring throngs of blog readers can see why I have a day job.)

On Spiked Penises And Union Busting

2011-03-10T17:47:00.001-08:00

The cool thing about having your own blog is that you can write about whatever you want. And this evening seems as good as any for an impromptu discussion on how, if not for evolution , male human beings might have penises studded with "small, hard spines". That's right, spiked penises ladies and gentlemen. Female humanoids might take this opportunity to send gratitude out to the Universe for the evolutionary forces that intervened on their (and our) behalf. Crazy stuff, yo.

Okay so I don't really intend to defile the hallowed ground of this blog with an essay devoted to penises. But I did come across this today and thought it was kind of disturbing and unique and I thought my distinguished readers might also find it as amusing, interesting, and grotesque as I did. So enjoy.

One thing I do feel compelled to comment on, completely unrelated to the spikey penis thing, is this brouhaha in Wisconsin; and by brouhaha, I mean this latest assault on people who work for a living - the lower 99%, economically speaking.

Wisconsin republicans managed to pass their cynically and euphemistically named "budget repair" bill last night. Many conservative, working class Americans are very enthusiastic about this because hey, now public employees in Wisconsin will be that much closer to sharing the same level of powerlessness, job-insecurity, and lowered standards that they currently enjoy.

Teaching school is a very modestly paid and noble profession. And God knows it's a difficult profession, dealing with insolent, sometimes gun-toting, and heavily medicated kids, and apathetic or belligerent parents. One can't imagine a person making that career choice for the financial rewards. I know it's cliche, but there are few outside figures who will have a more lasting impact on a person than one's school teachers. Yes, like any profession, there are bad ones. But there are also really, really good ones. It's hard to think of a profession that contributes more to society and that we have somehow been persuaded to demonize school teachers is appalling and embarrassing. Only in a society that's gone horribly wrong can public school teacher become a symbol of greed and extravagance.

Make no mistake, this move on the part of Governor Walker has nothing to do with balancing the budget. The teachers union agreed to the pay and benefit cuts that were requested. What they did not agree to was surrendering their collective bargaining rights, without which their union would be effectively neutered and meaningless. This bill was not about saving taxpayer money, it was about striking a blow to what's left of organized labor in this country. Solidarity among working people, public or private sector, terrifies the corporate oligarchy and must be crushed by whatever means necessary.

They started this assault back when His Holiness The Ronald Reagan fired the unionized air-traffic controllers and made it cool to hate unions. Union membership in the US has fallen from almost 30% of the workforce in the late 70s to less than 8%currently. And the American middle class has suffered accordingly, as can be seen in the various studies that compare income/wealth inequality trends over the past 40 years.

And it's not just wealth and income that has deteriorated for the working class. Long before public sector unions existed, private sector employees once enjoyed guaranteed pensions and generous health benefits. As political power and therefore policy has shifted further in favor of the economic elite, these benefits have eroded for private sector employees. Pensions have been replaced with 401Ks, shifting risk and expense from employer to employee, and the amounts employees contribute to their health insurance premiums have exploded.

The Wisconsin situation is just another move to disempower the working class, ensuring cheap labor for the corporate elite. And if busting public employee unions becomes the trend it will affect more than just public employees and will be a significant factor contributing to further economic inequality in the US. Class war at it's finest.

McMurtry Live @ The Saxon

2011-03-07T20:28:00.000-08:00

This weekend I had the privilege of attending a live, solo, acoustic performance by James McMurtry at The Saxon Pub in Austin, TX. My familiarity with McMurtry is a result of his song “We Can’t Make It Here Anymore”, which could be the theme song for the US’s current state of affairs. It is a raw, poetic expression of what has been happening to this country; a more honest national anthem for post-1980 America.

The show itself was an unforgettable experience. The Saxon is a tiny, intimate venue. And when I say intimate that can be quite literal in the standing room only areas as moving from point A to B ensures the mutual violating of personal space. Luckily when McMurtry took the stage the desire to go anywhere quickly vanished. One was grateful just to be standing there.

He is an incredible lyricist. The comparison with Bob Dylan is a fair one, although McMurtry is more grit than ethereal, more storyteller than mystic. His stage presence is…intense. At times it felt like he was almost glaring at you as those haunting, soulful verses poured out. In my case it’s possible he was actually glaring at me as I was blocking the door and he literally had to bump me out of the way to make his way towards the stage. All I can say, Mr. McMurtry, if you happen to read this, is that it was an honor.

The feeling and emotion he put into every tune was astounding, especially when one considers that he’s performed each song hundreds of times. He tells stories with his music; gut-wrenching tales, unapologetically dark, profound, and real…almost too real. One could say depressing. But his refusal to shy away from the harsh and uncomfortable aspects of human existence is part of his greatness. You are pulled into the drama and raw emotion of each song, like a riveting novel or movie.

Being at this show I felt that I was in the presence of a living legend, an American master. In the era of Justin Beiber and Lady Gaga, McMurtry is destined to be an underrated, underappreciated talent who probably never makes it to household name status. His message is not likely to meet the corporate approval prerequisite of attaining mass popularity. Frankly I doubt that he cares much. His is not generally feel good music, but it is music that you will feel, and feel deeply. And I should also mention that he rips it up on the twelve string acoustic guitar. His proficiency with the guitar is up there with his ability to craft soul-stirring verses.

In summary, let’s just say that I will definitely be going out of my way to catch another live James McMurtry performance.

In case any of my illustrious readers are unfamiliar, here's a sample. This is the album version of "We Can't Make It Here Anymore".

Enjoy...

Agnotology

2011-03-01T19:22:00.000-08:00

Culturally constructed ignorance…perfect. An interesting article but anyone who has spent time debating politics online or anywhere else knows that facts are, at best, of secondary importance. That’s the beauty of the information age; you can find “facts” that support your position, no matter how ludicrous it may be. My point being, the argument made by the author isn’t exactly an earth shattering revelation.

I’m too young to remember a time when we could all agree on basic reality (earth round, 2 + 2 = 4, etc) but without that agreement, constructive discussion is impossible. Maybe there was never that basic agreement but one can imagine that without access to thousands of dubious but credible sounding websites and a 24 hour “news” cycle (the term is used oh so loosely) and hundreds of talk radio stations dedicated to constant propaganda and agitation, that it was more difficult for the obfuscators to obfuscate.

And let’s be clear on something. ‘Culturally constructed ignorance’ is a misnomer. It’s not the culture that facilitates and creates its own ignorance. It’s those elements in society that have the means to advocate their agenda in a highly visible way – basically, rich people. You have the right to be informed but only insofar as being informed doesn’t conflict with the preferences of the elites.

I do like the phrase “Disinformation Revolution”. Disinformation is far more profitable as people are more likely to tune in to information sources that confirm their own biases. And truth is generally bad for business anyway. Hard news certainly isn’t sexy. Emotion and hyperbole is sexy. Scaring the shit out of people on a regular basis keeps them coming back like hogs to a trough. Fear is sexy. I can’t quite understand that one but it’s impossible for me to watch more than half an hour of cable news or prime time television and come to any other conclusion.

The author and creator of the term agnotology, being apparently less jaded and cynical than I am, closes on an optimistic note, pointing out that the internet makes secrets harder to keep. Maybe that’s true, but it also makes completely fabricated bull$hit more easy to disseminate. But…with new players like Wiki-Leaks out there, his optimism may be not be unfounded. Censorship has certainly become more difficult if we consider the internet. The question is, is the internet enough to offset the self-censorship and corporate subservience of the tee vee? I’m iffy on that one, but hopeful.

On a closing note, it must be pointed out that ignorance is truly bliss. Who wants bad news? Who wants to confront the fact that driving their car or eating a hamburger might be significantly harming the live-ability of our planet? Who wants to admit that their country has slipped into a kind of corporate feudalism? These are things we’d rather not think about.

At this point you might be asking yourself: How can I know this is credible? How can I be sure this guy has any clue what he’s talking about? Allow me to alleviate your concern and assure you that I have your best interest at heart, and besides, this is the internet…so it must be true!

Sacred Cows

2011-02-28T19:31:00.000-08:00

Sometimes a picture is worth four or five hundred words.

(Ben There has been really, really busy, but has not forgotten about his esteemed blog. The regular ~~nonsensical gibberish~~ insightful commentary will resume shortly.)

12 X 12: A Review

2011-02-20T20:35:00.000-08:00

William Powers’ 12 X 12: A One Room Cabin Off The Grid & Beyond The American Dream is described as ‘a memoir of what can be gained by going without’. It is the author’s account of a season spent living in a twelve foot by twelve foot cabin with no running water or electricity in rural North Carolina. The 12 x 12 is owned (and normally occupied by) a successful American physician, Jackie Benton, who accepts an annual salary of only $11K to avoid paying war taxes, and chooses to live without modern comforts like electricity or indoor plumbing so as to “have the carbon footprint of a typical Bangladeshi”.

It was my intrigue with this Jackie character, not the author or even necessarily the book’s theme, that drew me to “12 X 12”. She is referred to as a Wisdomkeeper, a Native American term referring to elder women who inspire others to dig more deeply into life. And that she does. Anyone who can turn down a couple hundred thousand dollars a year and willingly live in conditions that most of us would describe as abject poverty has either gone stark-raving mad or achieved a level of self-mastery that borders on superhuman. Embodying one’s inner principles so fully and completely in their outer life is beyond rare. That she does this in a way that is conspicuously without fanfare or recognition makes it all the more special. (She only consented to the book on the condition that her real identity and location would be concealed.)

Jackie is against American imperialism, against our wars, against environmental destruction and the corporate dominance of society, and every aspect of her life reflects this. Her life may appear to be one of material poverty, but she is far from poor. At least outwardly, she embodies the realized, deliberate life - principle in action. And while I doubt my own capacity for this degree of radicalism, I admire such an exceptional being who can walk the walk so completely.

Sadly, Jackie is not the subject of the book, only a significant but peripheral character. That would be William Powers, an activist, conservation and foreign aid worker, and author. Powers takes up temporary residence for several months in the 12 X 12 and this book primarily deals with his various inner conflicts and emotional dialogue. Indeed, it felt like more of the book than not was devoted to a conversation he was having with himself revolving around various uninteresting details of what, admittedly, has probably been a relatively interesting life.

One gets the impression that, despite his efforts at sounding otherwise, the author is very pleased with himself. And he wants you to think very highly of him too. He’s spent a decade working on environment-sustaining projects around the world. He’s well travelled, well-read, well-educated, and has clearly done more personally to save the world than you or I – and he really really wants you to know about it!

The author’s pet cause is global warming, and hey, I get it. I’m with that 90%+ segment of the scientific community that recognizes man-made global warming is a real and growing threat. It needs to be addressed and action needs to be taken. But Powers beats the reader over the head on this. A third of the way into it I was feeling guilty for walking upright and having thumbs. In many ways the author is the kind of individual that gives us liberals a bad name. The self-righteous, preachy tone detracted from what this book could have been.

While I’m on the negative, I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the gratuitous spiritual and literary name dropping that again, give the impression that the author is going out of his way to sound erudite. From Thich Naht Hahn, to Lao-Tzu, to some poet named Galway Kinnell, Powers seems intent on displaying his lexicon the way a peacock struts its feathers. I could have done without this grandstanding.

That said, I am sympathetic to the author’s perspective and appreciate the spirit of 12 x 12. For those who oppose American empire, are concerned about the environment, or have grown disillusioned with our culture of hyperconsumption and gross materialism, this book may well be worth a read. If nothing else, it gives us a glimpse of living at the other extreme.

There are tidbits of wisdom and worthwhile philosophy scattered throughout (largely thanks to various ‘thoughts of the day’ and other sentiments expressed by the cabin’s absentee owner, Jackie). An example of this is a line from Jackie about how a problem cannot be solved at the same level of consciousness at which it was created. Unless I’ve gone horribly wrong, there is usually some idea or nugget that stays with me from any book I take the time to read, and in 12 X 12, this would be the one. Probably not the first time I’ve heard it but the timing and manner in which it was expressed here made an impression on me. I remember pausing, putting the book down, and thinking: this is something I can apply to my own life. Often times we have to be exposed to an idea from several sources and angles before we really connect and it becomes a part of us.

Another takeaway for me was the concept of permaculture. Wikipedia defines permaculture as a land use and agricultural system “…based on ecological and biological principles, often using patterns that occur in nature to maximise effect and minimise work. Permaculture aims to create stable, productive systems that provide for human needs, harmoniously integrating the land with its inhabitants.”
Surrounding the 12 X 12 cabin is Jackie’s three acre permaculture garden composed of dozens, if not hundreds of different vegetables, fruits, teas, flowers, and other plants. Walking out of the cabin at sunrise into this thriving and diverse landscape is likened to entering the Garden Of Eden. And I doubt that this is pure hyperbole. 12 X 12 was my first exposure to the concept of permaculture and it left me interested and intrigued; for me, one of the redeeming aspects of Powers’ work.

The author also introduces (I think) an original term, “The Idle Majority”, which refers to the large segment of the Earth’s population who has far less than most Americans in material terms but in many ways enjoy a much saner existence than us workaholic, consumption-obsessed westerners. While this group lives mostly at the subsistence level, basically having little more than the bare essentials necessary for survival, they enjoy an enviable amount of leisure time and a richer community and cultural experience. They derive their value from life from non-material sources which, I am convinced, offers some clues to our society that, while materially rich, suffers from unprecedented levels of stress, anxiety, depression, and isolation; a condition that is often defined as spiritual poverty.

Also worth mentioning are the other inhabitants of the area immediately surrounding the 12 X 12 cabin; an entertaining mix of organic farmers, biofuel brewers, eco-developers, furniture crafters, artisans, and other off-the-gridders, all in some fashion rebelling against America’s out of control consumer culture. The interplay between these neighbors, and between them and the author, is one of the highlights of the book – touching at times and fairly heartbreaking at others.

All in all, this one’s a toss-up. For those who find themselves drawn to simplicity, and increasingly turned off by the technological, hyperconsuming rat-race, I think it has something to offer. If you remove (or abbreviate) the meandering details of the author’s own emotional/psychological narrative, this 250+ page volume can be condensed to around 100. To be fair, I realize some people will find that sort of thing more interesting than I did. It’s said (not in the book, thankfully) that what we criticize about others is also in ourselves, and perhaps it’s the recognition of some of my own narcissitic neurosis that explains my adverse reaction to Powers self-absorbed psycho-babble. Or, maybe it’s just that self-absorbed psychobabble is best kept to one’s self and not passed off as transcendental, save-the-world, heroism. I report, you decide!

Dispassionate Action, Or Something

2011-02-17T18:50:00.000-08:00

Damn. Only a few weeks into it and I’ve already broken my commitment to do this at least twice a week. It’s not a paid gig, but unpaid gigs are the best gigs. And commitments made to self are the most important commitments. That said, I’m going to break with western tradition here and not beat myself up over minor, inconsequential personal failures. I’ll save that for the monumental, irreversible f#@-ups.

In my defense, this last week has been an abnormally busy one. My routine was shot to hell. I spent three days doing actual physical labor: scrubbing, shoveling, hauling, taping, painting, and more. This may not sound like much, but to a body that’s accustomed to sitting at a desk forty hours a week, it’s something. I have the aches and pains to prove it.

The act of sitting down a couple nights a week and trying to write something is a discipline like any other. Discipline is a dirty word, which is understandable. It implies doing something other than that which is most comfortable. It gets a bad rap because initially it is imposed on us from outside authority: first from our parents, then our teachers, and so on. In this form it feels constricting and oppressive. In contrast, I would argue that discipline that originates from our own will - that is self-imposed – is freeing and expansive. It’s a step toward self-mastery. A person who is constantly at the mercy of their every impulsive whim and desire is not a free person.

Bear with me, reader, if I am sounding preachy. If anything, I’m preaching to myself. That’s one of the things I do here.

This concept of self-discipline, I would argue, is the single most important factor in the success or failure of accomplishing anything. What one deems worthy of accomplishing is their own to decide, but whatever that is, self-discipline and the harnessing of will power will be required.

This past week I missed my regularly scheduled appointment to sit down here and churn out a blog post or two. My excuse was time. But the truth is, when something is truly important, we make time. This is an activity that I generally enjoy but the minute I try to impose some structure and requirement to it, it becomes a problem. It starts to feel like a chore. This is something I’ve encountered with almost anything I’ve ever enjoyed or taken much of an interest in. Rarely is it ever good enough just to do something. No – you have to continually do it better. This urge for more and better, I wonder if it’s universal or if it’s peculiar to the American psyche. We do seem to emphasize winning and success like no other – save possibly the Chinese who clearly have a great deal to prove to the world, and themselves.

I’m off on a tangent…

My point - or what began to form in my mind as words started appearing on this page - is about the importance of habit. We can scrap the word discipline and just call it habit. Achieving any great thing begins with forming the right habits. This is obviously no great original insight on my part, just something I’ve experienced and can personally vouch for. My natural personality has always seemed to me to be quite undisciplined. Lazy even. But for those things I deemed important, once the inspiration fully crystallized, the will to overcome my inherent limitations appeared. That didn’t mean it was easy. But eventually, the right habits formed and the struggle subsided. They were (and are) small things, daily things.

And so it continues. I envision where I want to be, figure out the small steps and habits that can get me there, and move gradually in that direction. The difference now from ten years ago is that I understand the importance of enjoying the journey and am not so focused on the end result that the path leading there becomes a burden. Accomplishing something by brunt force and aggressiveness is fine in your late teens and twenties but feels like bad form in your thirties. At this stage getting from point A to point B seems like a process that should be undertaken with quality and grace. Resentfully forcing oneself to perform the mundane tasks necessary to achieve a longer term goal is a condition to be overcome.

There’s a balance between carefree spontaneity and conscious, purposeful action. Finding that balance is an important aspect of the Art Of Living.

Now, how I managed to arrive at these conclusions from the starting point of scolding myself about missing a couple of blog entries is tonight’s mystery.

Let Them Listen To Cake

2011-02-05T18:04:00.000-08:00

A couple months ago I was in the car alone, early on a clear, cold Sunday morning. It was the third or fourth week of a strange new routine I’d adopted on the weekends. I got it in my head that every Saturday and Sunday I would fling myself out of bed uncharacteristically and (for me) unnaturally early, and proceed immediately to the gym where I’d engage in a grueling forty minute session on the Stair Mill. To fully appreciate this, understand that everything is a grueling act for me prior to 9:30 AM. An intense cardio regime at 7:00 or 7:30 is borderline masochism for those of us who are early-morning challenged.

It’s hard to say exactly what inspired this madness but it had something to do with the drab, dreary winter weather that makes me want to hibernate until spring. The onset of cooler temperatures is refreshing at first, but after about a month I just want to stay inside, eat, read, sleep – anything that keeps me where it’s warm and my pulse stays comfortably south of the aerobic zone. Possibly this is some primitive survival instinct to build and store body fat for the winter. Yeah. We’ll go with that.

I must have felt the need to rebel against this climate induced impulse towards sloth and torpor. And the weekend, up at the crack o' dawn, Stair Mill campaign was one of the ways this rebellion took shape. All in all it has been a rewarding undertaking. After the initial torturous shock wears off, it’s pleasantly invigorating.

This one particular Sunday morning was exceptionally bright and crisp, and my post-workout aura of well-being was intense. In that state my connection to material, day-to-day concerns tends to get a little flimsy and my thoughts drift to loftier ideals, a more elevated perspective. Endorphins are our friends.

The radio was cranked and my mind was on a familiar theme; something about the comedy and futility of our efforts, the transience and insubstantiality of the things we expend so much energy and endure so much stress to acquire, how acquiring them never really satisfies, how getting what you want only makes you want something else, the dog-chasing-its tail quality that so characterizes that which passes for normal, accepted, even encouraged behavior. I was thinking on these things, not exempting myself from this unflattering assessment, and this catchy tune comes on. My attention shifted to the music just in time to take in the following lyrics:

Every shiny toy
That at first brings you joy
Will always start to croy and annoy

Every camera every phone
All the music that you own
Won't change the fact you're all alone (All alone! )

Every piece of land
every city that you plan
will crumble into tiny grains of sand

Every thing you find that at first gives you shine
always turns into the same old crime (Same old crime! )

What timing! Imagine my surprise to hear this veritable Buddhist Sutra being channeled through a pop radio station.

Just a small but momentous event that, pure coincidence or not, had an air of Synchronicity, and turned a fine morning into an even better one. Oh, and the song wasn’t half bad either.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Cake:

Signs And Wonders

2011-02-02T19:55:00.000-08:00

This week Mother Nature has bestowed on us the rare favor of thwarting the normal, compulsory routine. Sadly, what started out as a pleasant inconvenience from my perspective has turned tragic and destructive for others. Such is often the case. If there’s going to be an event that disrupts the flow of business and interrupts our sense of control and order, it probably means that somewhere lives will be lost.

A massive winter storm rips through the United States, blanketing even parts of Texas with a respectable sheet of ice. In Australia, the worst cyclone in that country’s history comes right on the heels of record-breaking floods. (I’m American - what the hell is a cyclone?) Many of my countrymen - those of the Foxnewsy persuasion, if you get my drift – mockingly comment how all this must be caused by Global Warming. And funnily enough, actual scientists point out that some of it is indeed caused by climate change.

There is talk of Gaia being pissed. She’s had enough and an ass whipping of global magnitude is in order. One can make an argument for this. Ours has become an ungrateful, reckless species, perversely shortsighted with an impressive capacity for exploiting and poisoning the natural world. I realize that many of my Reality Challenged brethren have been convinced that humankind cannot possibly affect the planet they live on. But I’ve seen the brown smog that blankets the horizon and breathed the exhaust and foul air of industry. My own eyes and lungs can attest to man’s ability to negatively impact the environment. And aside from that, it defies credulity to believe that hundreds of trillions of extra tons of C02 have zero effect on the atmosphere.

Meanwhile, it is a damn fine time to not be president of an oppressed Arab country. If massive changes are indeed afoot on Planet Earth, this - I think - is the real story right now. The powerful force that has been unleashed across the Arab world is one to be reckoned with. It’s the human spirit and its impulse towards freedom, self-determination, and self-respect. Human beings can only be deprived of these things for so long. Who knows where this leads? One can only hope that this, most powerful of all energies, is channeled constructively. It is almost certain at this point that the effects will be far-reaching and dramatic, perhaps the kind that are only seen once in a generation.

There’s a message in these events that is hopefully making it into the consciousness of the elites in all parts of the world. And that is, if you deprive your fellow humans of their right to freedom of being, freedom of self-determination and expression, and the chance at a decent and happy life…there will eventually be consequences. If you insist on having everything at the cost of everyone else having nothing, beware. The human spirit can only be taunted for so long.

Egypt/America: Inequality And Complacency

2011-01-30T15:51:00.000-08:00

As this fellow at Washington's Blog points out, economic inequality is higher in the United States than in Egypt, Tunisia, or Yemen. This is another fact that would probably be very surprising to most Americans.

The author at WB asks the question: “Why are Egyptians rioting while Americans are so complacent?”

It’s a good question and two reasons are given as possible explanations. First he points out that relatively speaking, Americans are (or have been) some of the wealthiest people in the world, with an abundance of luxuries and comforts. Second, and in my opinion more important, he references a study showing that Americans consistently underestimate the amount of inequality in their own country.

Both of these observations are relevant but I’d offer a third factor that explains American complacency. It’s important to understand that the unrest in Egypt isn’t solely the result of economic inequality. Equally as important, if not more so, is that the Egyptian people have no voice in their own political system. Without a legitimate democratic process there is no effective way for the Egyptian population to address their grievances against the government. That is the significant difference between Egyptian society and American society.

As Americans we operate under the assumption that we the people determine who our leaders will be and that our elected officials are accountable to us, and are therefore obligated to do our will. On the surface this appears to be the case. Elections are held every two and four years and the candidate(s) with the most votes win. For presidential elections this isn’t technically correct due to our peculiar institution of the Electoral College, but we can ignore that for purposes of this discussion.

I would argue that this appearance of political self-determination goes a long way towards explaining why Americans happily tolerate inequality that surpasses that of Egypt, Tunisia, and Yemen.

What’s overlooked in the American political process, and the reason I use the word ‘appearance’ in the statement above, is that any political candidate running for high office in America stands no realistic chance of winning unless they are endorsed by America’s corporate elite. Votes are important but money is more important. Almost without exception, the candidate who raises the most money wins the election. Obama received more corporate largesse than McCain. George W. Bush received more than Al Gore. Without financial backing from corporate giants in the finance, pharmaceutical, insurance, energy, and military industrial sectors, it is not possible to be a viable candidate in American national politics.

It’s why candidates like Dennis Kucinich, Ron Paul, and Ralph Nader were not taken seriously by the media and political establishment when they ran for president. And it’s why an allegedly liberal president with a democratic senate and house majority pass a law that requires every American to purchase health insurance from a private health insurance corporation and why,even after “reform”, it is illegal for Medicare to negotiate drug prices or re-import American drugs from other countries whose governments are not held captive by our pharmaceutical industry.

Unfortunately perception is usually more powerful than reality. And despite the growing mountain of evidence to the contrary, American voters still accept the notion that their government is beholden to the people, not the moneyed interests who allow candidates to reach office in the first place.

There are obviously other factors to consider but I’d argue that it’s this misperception about political power in America that best explains why extreme economic inequality causes riots in countries like Egypt, but gets little to no attention in the US.

Egypt: A Useful Example

2011-01-28T18:04:00.000-08:00

I want to state something obvious about this Egypt situation because I know it’s not obvious to many of my fellow Americans. Let’s be clear about what’s happening. The Egyptian people are rising up to protest an undemocratic, repressive, tyrannical dictatorship – one that has been the second highest recipient of U.S. foreign aid over the past 30 years, second only to Israel. Most of this has been in the form of military aid.

The United States - which espouses values like freedom and democracy, and frequently intervenes in the affairs of foreign countries to allegedly promote these values – has been sending about $2 billion each year for the past three decades to a dictatorial, undemocratic regime with a horrendous human rights record.

Stated more simply: The US has been heavily subsidizing repression in Egypt.

Pardon the redundancy but I’m emphasizing this point because I know it will come as a surprise to a lot of Americans. Prior to this week’s events most were probably unaware of the nature of the Egyptian government and the plight of its people. And it’s likely even less were aware of the kind of money flowing to Egypt from the US.

I’m mentioning it here because in my experience Americans genuinely cannot understand why many foreigners, especially in the Middle East, view the United States so negatively. The US’s support of Mubarak is but one small example of how America comes to be seen as a hypocritical nation that supports violent dictators when it serves its interests to do so, and makes war against them in the name of freedom and democracy when it doesn’t.

Catching On

2011-01-26T18:19:00.000-08:00

According to a new poll, Americans are losing trust in business.

I see this as further confirmation of my theory that if you smack people upside the head enough times they eventually start to develop an unfavorable view of you. Well, roughly 50% of them anyway. The other 50% will continue to deify you for your benevolence and graciously repeat “Thank you sir, may I have another”. Then they drop whatever it was they were doing and run to the tv because look! – it’s almost 4:00 and Glenn Beck is about to be on!

The banks, insurance companies, and other victims of this negative public sentiment probably just see this as a ‘messaging problem’.

But as a casual outside observer I’d offer the following reasons as another possibility for this bad PR:

12-16% real unemployment while corporate profits are at historical highs and corporate treasuries are fairly bursting at the seams with unprecedented levels of cash on-hand.

An oil spill that devastated the gulf coast, causing environmental and human damage of epic proportion.

A Great Recession caused by the irresponsible, greedy actions of a handful of giant financial institutions, followed by a taxpayer bailout of those institutions, followed by jaw-dropping bonuses paid out to the executives of those institutions with taxpayer money!

A CEO-to-average worker pay ratio that has increased from roughly 24:1 in 1965 to 42:1 in 1980 to 475:1 by 2004.

Grossly imbalanced income growth over the past three decades with 35% going to the top .01% while the entire bottom 90% received only 16%.

A broken healthcare system where 1 out of every 3 dollars spent ($800 billion per year) goes to corporate profits, stock-options, executive salaries, and marketing – not towards actual healthcare!

1.4 million jobs created overseas in 2010 versus less than 1 million created here in the United States where millions of people are unemployed due to no fault of their own, losing their homes and often much more.

Those are just a few quick ones offhand. But hey, this is America. And even as these poll results are being published our president and congress are falling all over themselves to reassure business leaders that we love them, and we’re here for them – and we’re sorry for all those mean things we said the other night when we were drunk; we didn’t mean it.

Why Do It

2011-01-22T15:34:00.000-08:00

One of the people I’ve enjoyed reading over the past year or so has been this guy. His focus is finance and economics, which isn’t nearly as interesting of a topic to me as it once was - but still. You have to take the world as you find it, not as you wish it to be. (Or so I’m told.) And I find a world that is utterly at the mercy of what happens in business. I’d just as soon do away with commerce and money if I could conceive of a plausible alternative for human society. But realistically, holding out for an Enlightened Utopia is wishful thinking leaning heavily towards impossible fantasy. On an individual level Enlightened Utopia might just be doable and a fine thing to work towards, but on a large scale, fuggedaboutit.

Anyway – BR’s “Why Blog?” post was timely for me as I have recently decided to start doing this again, with the aim of doing it with some regularity. He lists ten reasons a person might start and maintain a blog. Of his ten, I identified with #3 (“You want to figure out what you think, and do so in public”) and #9 (“You want to create a permanent online record of what you are reading, looking at, or thinking about”).

A few thoughts on each of these…

You want to figure out what you think, and do so in public:
For me, the lesser emphasis is on the ‘in public’ part but knowing that other people will or might be reading your work can be an incentive to try harder. And depending on the subject matter, feedback can be helpful. The downside is that it also has the potential to result in either: self-censorship (so as not to offend or disappoint would-be readers), an overly self-conscious “it must be perfect!” attitude, or an inauthentic approach that’s more about portraying a certain image or impressing others. These are just a few of the hazards that come to mind. ‘Figuring out what you think’ wasn’t one of my original reasons for starting a blog but it has turned out to be a rewarding and pleasantly challenging side-effect. Don’t be fooled by how easy it sounds. Articulating your thoughts about (sometimes) complex issues in a coherent, concise, and intelligible way can be a formidable undertaking; even more so if there’s the chance that other intelligent, more-sophisticated minds might be there to challenge and critique your conclusions. We all have opinions. But taking the trouble to actually hash-out and justify those opinions is no trivial thing.

You want to create a permanent online record of what you are reading, looking at, or thinking about:
One of the main reasons I do this now. I honestly can’t remember why I started blogging in the first place but this may be the reason I decided to keep it going. I’ve found it to be fascinating and enlightening to read back over stuff I posted say a year or two years ago. My reactions to older entries range from embarrassment to pride. As time goes by our views and the way we express them change. It’s neat to have that history out there. And thanks to Google, even if my house burns down or my hard drive gets dropped into a vat of battery acid, my ~~narcissistic drivel~~ humble musings will still be plastered all over the internet. (You’re welcome.)

Outside of BR’s ten reasons, one of my motivations for doing this is the challenge of it. As he mentions – it’s hard. I’ve seen blog posts that span less than 2000 words where the author has claimed to have spent eight hours or more writing it. And that was a ‘professional’ blogger. I can’t foresee any scenario where I’d put in that kind of time and effort but trying to come up with something to say, in your own voice, sprinkled with some of your own insights, is difficult. But it’s also remarkably fun.

With that said, I’ll close with one of my own insights which is: Doing something without the aim of making any money or accomplishing any particular goal, doing it just for the sheer enjoyment and challenge of it, without any expectations, rules, or conditions, is an underrated and highly worthwhile endeavor.

UPDATE: As an example of looking back and being ridiculously amused, would you believe I wrote a post titled Outdoor Urination For Dummies?

Internal Expose`

2011-01-18T19:15:00.001-08:00

So I've challenged myself to try to start writing blog posts a minimum of twice a week, preferably more. With that kind of requirement there's no telling what kind of breathtakingly fascinating topics are bound to come up. It's sure to be a continuous stream of edge-of-your seat material. Bet on that.

I actually had a particular subject in mind for tonight's offering but now that I'm here - and determined to do this in fifteen minutes or less - it's clear that I'm not in the mood for that post right now. Instead I want to touch on something more personal, while bearing in mind that getting too personal and/or specific is probably a terrible idea in this venue.

Oh look, my clock is ticking...

In each of our lives there will be a few very notable, very defining moments in terms of who we are as individual human beings. I'm talking character here, and values. We all claim to have certain high-minded ideals and principles. It's easy stuff to say, primarily because there are few actual situations that require going beyond the mere words.

The true measure of character comes when our ideals are put to a test that require some concrete, tangible action. We know when this happens because it usually feels like a difficult or conflicting situation, one of those things where deeper down we know what we should do, the only problem is that it's the one thing we really, really don't want to do.

What can make this kind of scenario even more difficult is if nobody will really know one way or the other. Nobody but you. You find yourself rationalizing and playing little mind games with yourself trying to justify taking the easy way out, only to realize what that will mean. It will mean that you don't really believe what you claim to believe, that you can't live up to something that you've long thought was a deep part of who you are.

So what do you do? You have this little battle with yourself that goes on for however long is necessary (if you're fortunate enough to have the luxury of that kind of time) and you make a decision that either exposes you as a fraud or confirms your integrity. To put it another way: you find out what you're made of.

Such has been the kind of incident that I've encountered recently and the outcome was positive. It's probably gone the other way before but this one was a clear victory. But it wasn't one that I can claim solely on my own. Without the right words and the right understanding from a supportive and compassionate spouse, it would have been a fairly gut-wrenching situation for me. (See...getting personal, but not too personal!)

So...thank you supportive spouse if you happen to read this.

Here's the thing. I knew the right answer within seconds. The heart is quicker than the head, but when the head goes to war with the heart...look out! No telling what might happen.

As it is, I feel that I passed the test.

Damnit though. Went a little past my fifteen minutes.

Tea It Up

2011-01-16T18:27:00.000-08:00

It doesn’t seem to matter where it is I’m going or what I’m doing but I’m almost always running late. Time often feels like a menacing burden. There’s the sensation that something’s chasing me, lurking just out of sight but gaining. I have no way of knowing what it is – I just know I better hurry. ‘Hurry’ might be the theme for the way of life that I see all around me and the one that I am immersed in. There cannot possibly be that many critically important things that so many frantic people have to attend to so urgently, all the time.

Nonetheless, time presses down relentlessly on all of us and you see it everywhere. There is a good bit of historical evidence that our ancestors enjoyed much more leisure time than we do. Leisure is not valued in our culture, at least not beyond its function of allowing us to be useful participants in the consumerist lifestyle. It’s defined for us as time to be spent buying some product that will allow us to fully relax and truly be ourselves. That so much consumption results in the necessity of most of our time being spent in the pursuit of money, thereby depriving us of true leisure, doesn’t get discussed nearly enough.

Being so pressed for time results in a high premium being placed on the concept of convenience. Fortunes are made catering to our perceived and/or actual need for convenience. What’s overlooked is the high price - in terms of dollars, quality, health, and authentic experience – that is paid for the sake of convenience. Most of the good things in life are not convenient. They take time and attention. There’s a reason that patience is classified as a virtue.

Anyway, as an act of rebellion against all of this I have decided to forego all of my worldly possessions and relocate to a cave in New Mexico where I will adopt the lifestyle of humans that lived there 5,000 years ago. Just kidding. But what I will do is drink tea. I mean real, time consuming, painfully inconvenient tea. Maybe I should phrase it more esoterically: I will partake of the ancient ritual of Tea.

The art of taking tea has a grand history from Eastern culture to Western culture that spans the ages. Granted it’s become a huge industry, another exploit of commercialism, but that’s a trapping that can scarcely be escaped. The act of making and enjoying a genuine cup of tea requires slowing down and engaging in something simple, subtle, and inexpensive.

For my tiny act of rebellion tea time will be early morning, before work, the time when I’m naturally feeling the most rushed. Water will be boiled via stovetop, not microwaved, and allowed to descend to its prime temperature for that particular tea. For my purposes I’ll be using mostly varieties of green, loose-leaf tea that require water just below the boiling point. My first few samples have been: “Sky Between The Branches” green tea, “China Dragonwell” green tea, Wu Yi Oolong tea, and a Roasted Green Tea Mint that is my favorite so far.

My tea ritual will follow my morning round of Sun Salutations and will be a slow, deliberate, mindful act that will be a kind of thumbing of the nose at the hurried, frantic conditions that tend to transpire at that time each morning. And though it falls short of taking up residence in a Himalayan cave with naught but a loin cloth and a candle, it’s a beautifully inconvenient start.

I Am.

2010-11-23T20:18:00.000-08:00

I could write a few paragraphs about where my focus has been directed lately but posting this video expresses it alot better than my words could. He's so much more animated than I imagined him to be from reading "I Am That".

The Scary Menace

2010-10-23T09:58:00.001-07:00

This is hard to add to but can we all just be honest for a second and admit that as Americans, maybe even more specifically, White Christian Americans, there is something in our cultural DNA that needs a Scary Menace? Without a "them" we start to get a little insecure about "us". Without a constant focus on all the bad shit "they" do we might accidentally encounter an opportunity to confront or acknowledge all the bad shit WE do. And we couldn't have that. Maybe the very fabric of civilization would unravel without the constant threat of the Scary Menace, some intrinsically evil group of sub-humans who are obsessed with destroying everything we consider good and holy. If that Scary Menace can be associated with an opposing religious group all the better, as any shred of rationality or reason is guaranteed to evaporate as soon as religion is brought into the discussion.

Maybe as individuals we need a Scary Menace to feel more comfortable with our place in the world and maybe that explains why whatever group fills the role of Scary Menace is interchangeable. Whether that be Japanese-Americans, Communists, Black Welfare Queens, Illegal Mexican Immigrants, or Muslims makes no difference. The point is that "we" have someone to hate, and most importantly, to fear.

Or maybe all of that is complete and utter bullshit. Maybe it's our corporate and/or military industrial overlords who ensure the perpetual existence of a Scary Menace. A scared population is an obedient population. Who can question our own physical security? If powerful people (and the media they control) are constantly ensuring us that our safety is at risk, it must be so. Right?

Nothing works more effeciently to destroy reason and logic than emotion, and no emotion is more powerful than fear. Nothing divides human beings and blinds them from recognizing their common interests more than fear. And, I would argue, nothing scares those in power more than the prospect of solidarity among people who recognize their common interests. For those in power the status quo must be preserved at all costs and in the absence of a status quo that promotes the well-being of everyone in society, there is no better way to preserve the status quo than a Scary Menace!

At this point we can only imagine what life would be like without The Scary Menace. We can contemplate whether it's existence meets an intrinsic human need or whether it's just a cynical tool of manipulation created and promoted by the powerful. I would argue that it's primarily the latter. And as long as the agenda of the powerful is at odds with the overall good of society and/or that agenda conflicts with our basic human morality, the Scary Menace will be with us.

Blues In A

2010-08-21T15:02:00.000-07:00

Trying to mix the major and minor sound as much as possible. And damn aren't those some sexy legs.

Bold As Love

2010-05-31T06:29:00.000-07:00

It's one of my favorite guitar solos ever so I figured what the hell, let's take a crack at it. It's the timing at the very beginning and the very end that I found challenging on this one.

Our Choice

2010-04-22T10:48:00.001-07:00

Ben's Theorem No. 876:

We can either discipline ourselves or life will do it for us. The second approach is much more painful.

Variations On A Dream

2010-04-16T18:27:00.000-07:00

So the question is: how do we make it all work? The beauty, the bliss, the agony, the ecstasy, the love, the hate, the sublime, the grotesque; heaven and hell on Earth…there is no way around, over, or under it. Right? The only way is to go through it. Is it just passing scenery or does it shape, mold, and scar us along the way? Do we add it to our suitcase and carry it for the remainder of the journey and if so does the load eventually become unbearable? Does accumulated experience make one stronger, wiser, or just plain tired? In a cosmic sense, what does being more agile feel like?

Have we traveled this path before? Will we travel it again? If so, is it significantly different each time or just superficial variations on a theme? It feels familiar, no?

Are these kinds of questions best addressed over a glass of Chilean Merlot, a sixteen ounce can of beer, or a hot cup of Celestial Seasonings Mandarin Orange tea? Or would the presence of a beverage just further complicate matters?

Misinformation

2010-04-15T17:40:00.000-07:00

Forbes discusses the misinformed Tea Party Movement.

It's hard to explain this divergence between perception and reality

Um, no it's not really that hard. There's a very popular cable "news" channel and a nationwide cartel of talk radio that exists for the sole purpose of creating that divergence between perception and reality.

American Values

2010-04-10T12:17:00.000-07:00

From the nice folks at AlterNet

In 2009, the worst economic year for working people since the Great Depression, the top 25 hedge fund managers walked off with an average of $1 billion each. With the money those 25 people “earned,” we could have hired 658,000 entry level teachers. (They make about $38,000 a year, including benefits.) Those educators could have brought along over 13 million young people, assuming a class size of 20.

So if this miraculous economic model of ours is indeed allocating scarce resources in the most effective and efficient manner (as advertised), 25 individuals who gamble with rich people's money - with an implicit taxpayer backed insurance policy should things go wrong - are more valuable to society than over half a million school teachers. Riiiight.

The Myth Of The Free Market

2010-04-07T17:44:00.000-07:00

From Dean Baker:

The current rules were not given to us by a deity or by nature, they were written by the wealthy and powerful interest groups who benefit from them.

I’ve long said that there’s no such thing as a “free market”*. Well, that’s not completely true. The black market, the drug trade, the prostitution business – these are the only truly free markets. Somalia – which should be an anti-government zealot’s paradise – has a free market. There really aren’t many other examples.

A functional market can only exist within the framework of a government. Without the laws that allow contracts to be enforced, agencies to enforce those laws, a stable currency to make trade possible, a highway system for the transport of goods and an education system to provide a competent labor force, there can be no market as we understand it. And these are only a few examples. The ‘free market’ only exists because government and the citizenry allow it to.

As Dean Baker points out, when conservatives talk about free markets what they really mean is government involvement that protects the wealthy and the powerful. Unfortunately those protected elites have an incredibly slick and well funded propaganda machine that obscures this fact and manages to convince a large swath of the working population that what is good for the elites is good for them also.

*Well, at least as long as I’ve been saying these kinds of things anyway.

Contrast

2010-04-06T20:03:00.000-07:00

iPad Madness!

Madness.

Want

2010-04-03T06:38:00.000-07:00

Something that seems clear, both from personal experience and observation of others, is that the act or feeling of want has an addictive quality. It feeds on itself. The more attention that is given to the emotion of want (it really is an emotion at it's core), the more powerful the emotion becomes. It takes on a life of it's own and in the extreme it can take over the life of the individual. And giving in to want - by acquiring the object of one's desire - leads not to satisfaction but to more want. The object of desire is an interchangeable thing, quickly replaced by something else almost immediately after it is acquired.

Some might argue that this is a good thing, that this insatiable drive is the engine of economic stability, maybe even the glue that holds human civilization together. Maybe the obsession with acquisition is a hidden hand ensuring that we all behave like good little boys and girls. Even if there is some truth to that there's also a carrot and stick aspect to it that (I would argue) detracts from one's quality of life. Some very wise minds have said that the 'secret' is not to want. That state of being is probably difficult for most of us to imagine but it is worth thinking about. And how free or happy can any of us really be if we are in a perpetual state of want?

Hoarding Not Hiring

2010-04-01T16:53:00.000-07:00

"Cash is piling up faster than companies can figure out what to do with it," said David Bianco, head of U.S. equity strategy at Bank of America.

In the throes of a Great Recession with massive unemployment and people losing their homes and livelyhoods in record numbers, how are America's corporations faring? They have more cash than they know what to do with! What an amazing little system we have here.

Hendrix-esque Chord Progression

2010-02-02T18:20:00.000-08:00

Hendrixy? Hendrixish? Hendrix-esque? Hendrix fashion? Hendrix style? In the manner of Jimi Hendrix?

Whatever it is that's my new Fender Blues Junior amp in the background. I love that little rascal. Couple more modifications and I'll have that proverbial tone to the bone. Or something.

"So Nice" Samba

2010-01-11T11:47:00.000-08:00

Jazzin' it up a little..

(As usual, I'll throw in this obligatory comment to bitch about the sound quality.)

Messin' Round On The Strat

2009-11-12T19:39:00.001-08:00

No, really. I edited out the part where the crowd erupts and the women begin to hurl their undergarments at me. It gets ugly real fast. People overwhelmed with awe; passing out, convulsing, a few even vomiting (out of sheer bliss undoubtedly). Without my security detail I never woulda made it out of that room without being trampled by adoring, starry-eyed, obsessed fans.

Castles Made Of Sand Intro

2009-08-22T17:10:00.001-07:00

Don't blink or you'll miss it. Just the intro to Castles Made Of Sand. A signature Hendrix intro and as usual, a damn cool song.

Riviera Paradise Chords

2009-08-05T18:14:00.000-07:00

Nothing too fancy here folks. Just a few runs through the Riviera Paradise chords. Very relaxing to play this.

To friends who stop by here from time to time...My apologies for posting so infrequently. Life is oppressively busy sometimes (and I'm far less busy than most people). I hope you all are doing wonderful.

Comfortably Numb Solo

2009-06-08T21:21:00.000-07:00

Sound quality is pretty terrible but will have to do until I can figure out how to get this recording software to work right. For now it's just the built in microphone in this dinky little iFlip camera.

Lenny - An Attempted Tribute To A Hero

2009-04-18T22:15:00.000-07:00

Parting The Seas Of My Own Arrogance

2009-04-11T13:39:00.000-07:00

Been doing alot self observation lately, the internal variety that is taught in Buddhist philosophy, not the kind that involves long periods of gazing into the mirror, although I'll admit to doing a bit of that also. After you've done this for any length of time you begin to notice the habitual patterns that arise, the conditioned responses that automatically occur without any effort or will on your part. In my experience - and I'd venture to say that the experience is universal - this is a guaranteed way to discover some very unsavory aspects of yourself. When you begin to look, you will probably not like what you see.

The practice of sustained self observation is only useful under the condition that one is willing to be brutally honest with ones self. To whatever extent possible you have to view things as a disinterested third party; it's impossible to do this fully but you do what you can.

One of the things I have noticed in myself is the knee-jerk tendency to be critical of people and situations. It's just before the moment where I have the ability to give conscious thought to what's occuring, it just arises instantaneously without me having any say in the matter. It doesn't happen 100% of the time, but it happens more frequently than makes sense. I've questioned where this tendency comes from or what might explain it, and though I can't say for certain, I'm thinking that alot of it has to do with being a part of a culture that places such an emphasis on competitiveness and the pursuit of perfection and achievement. We are all products of our culture and being one up or somehow better than the other guy is a huge part of ours.

Whatever the reason for this snap criticism, the fact is that it is there. As part of this process of constant (or as much as possible) self observation I've developed an ability to catch myself in the act and though at first it was a little disturbing, it has now become amusing. I've gone just past the stage of judging myself for being judgemental and I when I see it arising I almost laugh outloud at myself for being so mechanical and predictable.

I have to qualify all of this by saying that I have by no means overcome this nasty little feature of "my" personality (the words "I" and "my" should probably always be in quotes but that would start to appear a little ridiculous). However, as part of doing this something more positive has come out of it as of late, and that is that immediately after the act of recognition, and equally as effortless, feelings of intense compassion and empathy spring up. So the funny little process goes from instant judgement or criticism, to instant feelings of warmth and kinship towards the individual or situation in question. Funny.

The fact of the matter is that we are all up against a great deal in this life. The primordial obstacle is the exact same for all of us although it manifests itself in a different ways, whether it be fear, judgementalness, arrogance, low-self esteem or whatever. Some of us eat or drink too much. Some of us criticize too much. Some of us are overly concerned with our own little selves at the expense of others in our life. Some of us self destruct and others destruct in a more outward fashion, taking others down with them. Pick your poison; this is how it is.

An expanding awareness seems to offer some remedy to the situation, but only in conjuction with other things. A sustained effort at intense self-awareness and self-honesty, it would seem, necissitates intense self-compassion also. Otherwise an enormous amount of self-criticism and self-pity are sure to follow, both of which are a form of violence and narcissism in their own right.

In writing this I'm thinking of some lyrics from Bob Dylan, something like:

"My back is to the sun, because the light is too intense; I can see what everybody in the world is up against..."

Yep, it's like that.

Slow Dancing In A Burning Room

2009-04-01T21:16:00.000-07:00

This piece still needs some work but it'll do for now. I promise to do better after I break an old black man out of a nursing home and hitchhike with him down to the Crossroads in Mississipi and cut a deal with the devil. Or maybe I'll just practice.

Ben Gets A Camera

2009-03-29T20:26:00.000-07:00

A snippet of me messin' round on the git-fiddle. More to come as I get better with the camera and better with the git-fiddle.

Lo, I Am Here

2009-03-22T16:14:00.000-07:00

It's been a long time, too long, since I've been here. It would appear that I have abandonded my blog like a foreclosed home. But nay, I am here. College basketball cajoles in the background, and I am here. The sun is descending against the backdrop of the evening breeze; the pollen stirs, the wasps stalk the crannies and nooks of my lonely porch, and the hornets congregate between the slats on the gable of my garage. And I am here. The dog, in all her glory, looking forlorn and wistfully in my direction, lays flat on the floor. She wants a walk. She desperately wants a walk, and as benevolent owner, her only hope of getting said walk, I am obligated. She wants a walk in the way a crack addict wants another drink, if you get my drift. (And I know you get my drift...I just got back from the gym, how could you not?)

With my poor, beloved, and desperate dog in mind, I shall cut this verbal meandering short. May these words find you well, dear blog readers...

(Hi!)

Listening To The Wind

2009-02-07T09:14:00.000-08:00

I’m resting quite contentedly in the Blue Ridge Mountains of northeast Georgia this weekend. The air is cold but it’s pure. The stars are overwhelming. The silence is breathtaking. The only sound is the wind that comes whipping across the mountains through the mostly bare trees and the mountain laurel. It is a sound that speaks directly to the soul. There is wisdom there; something deep, primal, and ancient. If silence is the best teacher, then the sound of wind is the runner up.

I live in a different world than this. Being here makes it easy to understand that we have lost some essential bit of knowledge that was probably commonplace among earlier civilizations. We live in a time where the living of one’s life is entirely externalized. Time, as we understand it, seems to always be working against us. We engage in war with the inevitable. We reside almost solely on the surface of our own humanity and as a result we feel as if we are under constant threat. Fragility, insecurity, and despair stalk us like a malevolent shadow.

Profiteers and others in position of power exploit this condition. They emphasize the trivial and nurture our affinity for the superficial. They convince us of things that are absurd beyond measure unless viewed solely from within the context that they have created. And oddly enough, “they” are really us. The lower nature that dwells within all of us combines with a cunning and ruthless determination and personalities are born who worship at the altar of personal gain. Some of them even make human sacrifices there. Even more sacrifice themselves there.

Life in the ancient world was surely brutal in its own right but we have different demons to contend with now. In the absence of the sacred we are left with the cruelty of an artificial reality, a world that never sleeps; a television commercial that won’t turn off and can’t be muted either. Turning inward is a rare act of rebellion. We can look around and see the results of living in such an externalized way. We can feel the effects in our own body and we can witness the thoughts that have been implanted into our consciousness by parasitic outside agencies.

But here in these mountains the static starts to clear. You are surrounded by the sacred. You realize how small you are. You realize how petty and insignificant your problems are. Interestingly, you are also empowered because in connecting with the sacred you become aware of the part of yourself that is also sacred; the part that has been covered up by the virtual reality of modern urban life and the make believe concerns that accompany it.

Simplicity. That’s what I get out here; the feeling that so much of what is essential comes down to simplicity. Keep it simple stupid. I think of a line by Ramana Maharshi, something about how what we really are - the Self with a capital “S” - is more like a feeling than a thought. It’s pre-thought. That’s where the sacred lies. It’s simpler than thought. Thought is too clouded with self-importance and unnecessary complexity. It’s too busy there. I think of another spiritual teacher who talks about The Art Of Do Nothing. That’s a wonderful and practical piece of advice but has nothing to do with being a couch potato.

I’m returning to the metro-life tomorrow but I’ll be taking these mountains with me. It’s clear that the part of me that recognizes the divine sense of wonder in this setting is just as capable of recognizing the divine beauty in any and every setting. It’s just a matter of tuning in to the right frequency. So I’ll get back home and wake up early in the morning at start fiddling with the dials again, tweaking the controls a little each day until the static disappears for good. Maybe it’s just a matter of finding the off switch.

I can’t think of any better way to conclude this train of thought than this Zen poem that I came across years ago:

The birds have vanished into the sky,
and now the last cloud drains away.
We sit together, the mountain and me,
until only the mountain remains.

Playing Air Guitar In The Shower

2009-01-07T20:44:00.000-08:00

So it’s 2009. I know how disappointed we all are that 2008 is over. We are equally as disappointed that George W. Bush’s presidency is over. It’s been a rough ride but an era of jack-assed stupidity seems to be coming to a close. Or does it? Something is over. Something new is beginning. It is as it ever was and what is really important is the fact that it’s always actually right now. I love the simplicity and smart assedness of this kind of a comment. 2008 is over. Bush is out. Ben is now 32. But guess what folks, it’s still just right now and when it comes down to it, that’s all that really matters.

I’m not really one to write blog posts about all the mundane details of my day to day life, partly because it feels a bit presumptuous to assume that my life is that interesting, and partly because I’m more interested in experiencing my life as it happens rather than spending much time reliving and documenting it. And also because I doubt any of you give a shit about what I had for lunch today or whether or not I had trouble locating my car keys this morning. If those kinds of things about another person’s life actually do interest you then, friend to friend, Iet me suggest that you seek some psychological counseling because that can’t be healthy.

However, having said that, sometimes you just sit down to write without anything particular to write about (like now) and the little goings on of your life tend to come out. It’s been hard to actually sit down and do this lately. There are so many areas of interest out there and try as I may, I can’t cover all the territory I’d like to in any given day or week. Of all things I am taking guitar lessons now. I’ve messed around on the guitar for years now and I can do fairly well but until three weeks ago I didn’t know the major scale from a fish scale.

Now I’m diving into the world of music theory and one particular character trait in my personality is becoming very clear to me. I don’t precisely know how you’d word it but let’s just say, whatever the endeavor, my tendency is to attempt to run full speed prior to learning the basics of walking. Occasionally I succeed at this or get somewhere in the ballpark of it, which leads to interesting results. This guitar thing is a great example. I can do some advanced things but am quite baffled by the fundamentals and I’m kind of having to learn it backwards now. That’s alright though.

The bottom line is that I like to cut out the fluff. So much of life is fluff, and by fluff I mean unnecessary bullshit that you needn’t waste your time or get involved with. If one is not careful, one’s life will be dominated by fluff (unnecessary bullshit). Now a more critical perspective on this approach would be to say that I try to shortcut everything. That may be so. But…I believe there is a shortcut to everything, or almost everything. A better way to say it is that I believe there is a direct route to most any destination. There is also the non direct route which, for whatever reason, seems to be the most popular. I’m being vague here but I know you get what I’m saying.

It’s been tempting to write more about politics but the more I’ve delved into it, the more of a quagmire I realize that it really is. Now I can make my point and back up my positions and that can be fun but I would love nothing more than to get over the need or desire to prove how right I am on any given subject. That’s just an ego thing. It’s a game. It doesn’t matter that I’m right. I like the challenge of a good debate but still, just more ego. What’s the point?

Does this mean I won’t be taking the Fox News and Rush Limbaugh crowd to task when the opportunity presents itself? Of course not. But I won’t be making a career out of it, although that would be both easy and fun. Because of the fact that it’s so easy and fun, there are already a million other people out there doing a fine job of it.

Okay…I’m rambling here, doing a little self-analysis too. There is neither time nor topic for a serious blog entry right now but I did want to check in and wish everyone a seriously happy 2009. It’s bound to be an adventure.

Only In Amurika

2008-12-23T10:29:00.000-08:00

We are the world’s greatest military and economic superpower. When we get an economic tummy ache, the world gets a right awful case of explosive diarrhea. When we start a war, we conquer with shock and awe. We dominate the world stage. We consume three billion pizzas a year. And a shitload of burgers too.

Impressive sounding, but I can find you a Newfoundland dog that can do the same. Powerful empires come and go like teeny-bopping pop stars but every few millennia some great civilization makes a monumental contribution to mankind, something that etches it’s place into the history of human achievement.

Alas, these United States Of America have finally breached the upper echelons of cultural magnificence; our superior ingenuity now demonstrated in a grand and final statement.

I’ll spare you the platitudes. There are no adequate superlatives. In the face of such grand achievement, words fail. So without any further ado…

Humanity, you’re welcome.

Behold.

Taking My Lead From The Blind

2008-12-04T08:52:00.001-08:00

Working in downtown Fort Worth one encounters all manner of curious and eye-catching scenery. There was the incident with the mostly nude animal rights protesters doing their thing in freezing cold temperatures out in front of whatever that place was; probably something to do with cattle. Livestock is a big thing here. Not only do we eat it but we use it for decorative purposes too.

There’s the crazy dreadlock homeless guy who often sports a strange and unidentifiable nose apparatus whilst contorting his face into a sordid variety of disturbing expressions. He twitches, converses animatedly with himself, and more often than not wears no shoes, though he may be donning a black leather overcoat, even in the stifling Texas heat. Most notable about this character is not the man himself but the reactions of unwary passers-by who have stumbled into his vicinity. The looks of sheer terror, stunned confusion, and cautious maneuvering give the impression of an encounter with a downed electrical line that’s dancing unpredictably…and wearing a very odd nasal accessory.

Also worth mentioning is the elderly black woman who used to be a downtown fixture. Always dressed in her Sunday best, she’d wander the streets engaged in scriptural but profanity filled shouting matches with herself and – one imagines – with God. The threat of physical violence always seemed more plausible with her than with crazy dreadlock dude. Haven’t seen her in awhile and I do hope that she is okay. Maybe she worked things out with herself. Maybe she worked things out with God. Either way, the place isn’t the same without her.

Having worked in downtown for nearly eight years there is still, on any given day, some scene or occurrence that can grab my attention and seem out of the ordinary. It probably doesn’t hurt that the county jail is right across the street from my place of employment. There are plenty of examples but like the ones already mentioned, they would be tangential to what I had in mind as I started scribbling this out.

Yesterday I noticed something that I’d seen previously on many occasions and though always more than a little intrigued, I’d never allowed myself to just stop and really take it in. There are a number of blind people who frequent downtown. I don’t mean this in a philosophical or metaphysical sort of way, although that would also be true. I am referring to people who literally do not have eyesight. Several of them have guide dogs - which is fascinating enough in its own right - but the person who caught my attention yesterday did not have a guide dog.

In what was honestly one of the most impressive and inspiring acts I can recall witnessing, I watched a blind man disembark from a city bus and make his way several blocks through downtown. This may sound like a trivial thing but you have to understand, navigating one’s way through downtown can be challenging even for pedestrians with perfectly good eyesight. As I saw him get off of that bus, all alone with no assistance save a thin metal stick, in a crowd of hurried people and with cars whizzing by, it occurred to me what a precarious situation this was (or could be).

He moved a little slower than the rest of the crowd (for obvious reasons) and as everyone else cleared out quickly, he made his way meticulously down the sidewalk, tapping out a noticeable rhythm with his walking stick. I watched as he approached the first potentially perilous obstacle, an abrupt drop-off from the curb of a driveway that cut across the sidewalk. Even with the stick out in front, the likelihood of him losing his footing when he reached the driveway seemed high to me; but no. Even without the walking stick he seemed to somehow know when he was about to step off that curb. He paused for a second and then gracefully stepped down, continuing on his way.

Next, there was a concrete planter about waist high directly in his path. He became aware of it when his stick gave it a good whack. He stopped, his facial expression changed (as if wondering what the hell this thing was), and he felt it out with the metal walking stick. Once the object was identified, he easily maneuvered around it and continued on.

I continued to watch for awhile. From my vantage point it was easy to do without looking strange or rude. In rapt attention I observed him navigate the urban obstacle course, crossing busy streets at the cross walks (amazing!) and dodging other pedestrians; basically going about his business as a person with 20/20 vision would. I know this may sound like a simple thing but to really watch it and acknowledge the significance of what was occurring was fascinating and humbling. Even more so, it was profoundly inspiring.

As I went on my way it seemed to me that this was a truly heroic and triumphant demonstration of the human spirit. What adaptable and determined creatures we are! On an individual level our ability to overcome adversity is remarkable, almost limitless. Collectively it seems to come less easy but the potential is certainly there.

I’m fortunate in that I don’t really have any problems but after seeing this blind fellow yesterday, any thought of personal inconvenience or disappointment seems trivial now, laughable even. To think that someone can be completely blind and still manage to make their way through the world so effectively is…empowering. That could be any one of us. Through will, determination, and focus (innate human abilities), any one of us could also overcome such a devastating setback. And if we are capable of that, it seems that we could do just about anything.

Looking For The Silver Lining

2008-11-26T09:08:00.001-08:00

It’s become clear that the Wall Street insiders (Paulson, Kashkari, etc.) who are working diligently to alleviate this crisis that was caused (primarily) by Wall Street insiders don’t know what they are doing and don’t have any actual coherent plan. What they do have is hundreds of billions of taxpayer dollars and the latitude to operate from a make it up as they go approach. It seems a little experimental. This is a $700 billion to $1 trillion experiment that may or may not work as intended, which again begs the question of whether we should be doing it at all. The only known in this experiment is that we will be roughly a trillion dollars more in debt when it’s over. Assuming it’s ever over.

There are two distinct perspectives through which to view this debacle and I vacillate between them depending on whatever mood I happen to be in at the moment. The optimistic outlook is that these guys are making the best decisions they can based on the information they have. I’m all for having a plan but there has to be flexibility sufficient to meet the demands of changing information. I prefer to give people the benefit of the doubt because in my experience it makes for a more amicable existence as a human being.

The other view is that this bailout is just one of the final steps in a satanic-zionist-illuminati-men-in-black scheme to enslave the American public by creating a massive peasant class. The wealth of Middle America is tied up in 401Ks and home equity and values there are plummeting faster than a chili cheese dog sliding down Rush Limbaugh’s gullet. There is a monumental transfer of wealth going on and at this point it is unclear as to who is benefiting although it’s safe to say that Joe Six Pack is screwed as ever at the moment.

A case could be made for either of these two perspectives. One of the weaknesses of the more sinister of the two is that it is not only the middle and lower classes that are having their savings evaporated. There are some obscenely wealthy individuals – old money aristocrats - who are also having their asses handed to them right now. But I guess it could be argued that the elite losers just aren’t in the inner circle or whatever.

Paulson’s more recent talk has revolved around consumer credit, the implication being that more credit needs to be made available to the American public so that we can borrow to buy cars, plasma tvs, breast implants, etc. I’m no economic expert, but this is crazy talk.
Granted, greed on Wall Street and the lack of some common sense regulation on these hocus pocus derivatives are the primary cause of our economic ills. But they aren’t the only cause. And it bears taking a good hard look at the environment which allowed this unbridled greed to flourish in such a destructive way.

America did not get into this mess because we couldn’t get our hands on enough credit. We got into this mess, in large part, because it was too easy to get too much credit. We evolved into a society that is addicted to credit. It was a seeming win-win situation but it shouldn’t have been that hard to see that it was a disaster waiting to happen. Is an economy that depends on excessive consumer credit really a sustainable economy?

The savings rate of Americans is something like -1%. I’d submit that an economy that requires the masses to spend more than they make is an illegitimate and unsustainable economy. In addition to the greed on Wall Street, some of the blame falls squarely on the American public and a culture of instant gratification and rampant, pathological consumerism.

Also, I’d posit that the economic fallout is just an outward symptom of a deeper problem that pervades our society. Whether that problem is a philosophical, spiritual, or psychological one is something the reader can decide based on their particular disposition but what is happening now should be a clear indicator that our value system as a society has finally gotten so out of whack that living in denial is no longer an option.

It could be possible that what we are seeing now is a forced rebalancing process where there is a shift away from crass materialism and conspicuous consumption and towards a more balanced and responsible way of living. Since it is obvious that society would not willingly make this change for the better (the forces working against such a positive change are formidable) it could very well be that the Universe, Fate, God, Karma, or whatever, is making the decision for us. It might be a little painful at first, but growing up always is.

Well Pluck Me Running

2008-11-16T16:16:00.000-08:00

Republicans, buy a f#%&*ing clue! Or rent one. Or put one on layaway. Hell, pretend you’re Jack Abramoff, Tom Delay, or Ted Stevens and steal one. I won’t say a word. I should let this go but...I…just…can’t. The election is over but the insanity lingers. As I type this, right wingers throughout the land are having night terrors about socialism and God knows what else. They’re buying guns. They’re hanging their flags upside down. They’re pouting and thrashing about.

And I’m scratching my head.

They are killing me with this socialism thing. Really, I don’t think it’s a stretch to point out that most of these people (like “Joe The Plumber” and “Bob the know-nothing-right-wing-radio-enthusiast”) that are shrieking like rabid pterodactyls about the big “S” word, have little to no understanding about their own government and how socialistic it already is. More importantly, they are either in denial or –more likely – just flat out don’t know the role that their own party has played in enacting socialistic type policies.

Maybe they should read this article by George Will. He’s a conservative but different than your garden variety because he actually gives these things more than half a second’s worth of thought. Garden variety conservatism considers ‘thought’ elitist, anti-American even. Don't get me wrong, republicanism does have its virtues but they’ve been pretty much snuffed out by the cult of culture war whack-jobs and the drum beat of those who believe the Christian thing to do is ‘spread democracy’ (read: bomb the shit out of Muslims).

There’s talk of Sarah Palin being the future of the GOP. Folks if that ain’t batshit crazy, I don’t know what is. By now we should have learned our lesson about electing officials who can’t manage to wrap their head around the English language and speak in coherent sentences. Sarah Palin shouldn’t be allowed outside of Alaska and it would be preferable to keep her confined to the tiny town of Wasilla. But hey, that’s just my opinion (and several dozen million of my closest friends).

Anyway, the comedy continues. I hate to keep going on about politics but watching some of our locals here mope around like the Grinch has just stolen Christmas is amusing and perplexing to me. Apparently I live around and work with some of that 2% (or whatever it is) who approve of the direction the country has been going in.

It hurtses us. Oh yesssss, it hurtses ussss.

Blow V8

2008-11-11T14:16:00.000-08:00

I’d like to take this opportunity to discourse at length in a pompous and boastful manner. In other words, I’d like to bloviate. What a wonderful word. Sounds like the bastard offspring of ‘bloated’ and ‘ruminate’. In my recent internet wanderings I’ve noticed an increased prevalence of the term bloviate. Why just yesterday I saw it three separate times at The Best of the Fray and it occurred to me that this is a new addition to my own verbal accoutrement. Yay.

With the ending of such a contentious election season it’s surprising that I haven’t noticed anyone busting out with this epithet until recently. I hear bloviate and I think of Rush Limbaugh. The guy is pompous if not bloated, boastful if not ignorant; a slovenly, bile spewing embodiment of a lifetime of bad eating, oxycontin abuse, multiple divorces, and general mean spiritedness. I wouldn’t pick on Rush but generally when someone gets publically exposed for such brazen hypocrisy you’d think it would ratchet them down a few notches on the pomposity scale, but not this pontificating jack-ass. All these years later he is vile as ever and still deified by throngs of his fellow hypocrites; hate the sin but love the sinner…as long as that sinner isn’t a democrat.

What was meant to be a quick commentary on the term bloviating has digressed into Rush-bashing but he encapsulates the mental image conjured up in my mind’s eye when I see this word. So here’s to you Rush, you bloated, bloviating blowhard.

Some Wicked Jowl Butt This Way Comes

2008-11-07T22:12:00.000-08:00

If you’re like me, nothing gets your mouth watering like some good salted cured pork jowl butt.

Mmm, mmm…

Well of course I’m kidding. I’d never recommend adding salt to cured pork jowl butt. Why waste your time? (Or the salt?) Pork jowl butt pretty much stands on it’s own. Shit, in some circles salting a jowl butt is akin to culinary heresy. The important thing is that its cured. Jowl butt can be cured and not salted but never salted and not cured. Woe unto the bowels of he who does not heed that little bit of jowl butt wisdom. A fine line it is between basking in the savory glory of jowl butt and wallowing in the intestinal fury of trichinosis. You can take that to the piggy bank.

If one must salt the butt, the question arises: sea salt or regular salt? Connoisseurs agree that sea salt is the preferred additive for those with a pallet sensitive to the subtle nuances of jowl butt. For the jowl butt layperson, regular salt should be fine.

As you can probably tell, one could plumb the depths of salted cured pork jowl butt for eons and only scratch the surface; the subject is simply too vast and few have the requisite disposition and presence of mind to embark on such an epic undertaking. Well don’t beat yourselves up for it. Salted cured pork jowl butt can be enjoyed by anyone, from the erudite jowl butt aficionado, to the uncultivated but curious neophyte.

Choosing To Be Blind

2008-11-01T08:28:00.000-07:00

God am I ready for the election to be over with already. Unfortunately politics won’t go away just because the election is over but the hostility and divisiveness has reached a fevered pitch that has become tiresome and counterproductive. I am by nature an optimist but some of what I have encountered during this election season has indicated the potential of a grim prospect for our future.

Oh sure, for me personally things are good and seem to only be getting better but this is about more than just me and mine. All of humanity is connected. That’s not some meaningless and lofty platitude; it is a matter of true fact. Religious fundamentalists and blind adherents to any form of ideology miss this completely and their very sense of identity and existence demand it’s negation but nonetheless, we really are all one. For any of us to gain at someone else’s loss is a non-sustainable mode of living. It’s not a zero sum game but that flies in the face of a ‘greed is good’ philosophy and this constant idea of ‘us’ versus ‘them’. There is no “them”. It’s all “us” and we are in trouble if we fail to recognize this and act accordingly.

Election season arrives and we all choose sides. For a good number of us, our sides were chosen for us long before we had any say so in the matter and we completely missed the point where we might have decided the issue for ourselves but that’s how it goes. It’s much easier to just go with the flow and buy into whatever group think pervades your environment. Why not just be honest and admit that for most Americans, this is how it is. How many of us could actually admit to falling into this category?

Throughout my debates and discussions I’ve noticed one particularly troubling phenomenon that for me goes a long way towards explaining why things are the way they are. Before going any further I need to point out that I don’t know who might be reading this and what I’m saying may or may not apply to you but it most certainly does not apply to everyone who is laying eyes on this. Okay? Just bear with me, that disclaimer felt like a necessary thing to do.

I’ve been struck by how alarmingly common it is for otherwise intelligent people to be so attached to their point of view that they are absolutely closed off and unwilling to acknowledge or confront facts that conflict with their pre-determined beliefs, however compelling and obvious those facts may be.

I can hear the various reactions to that statement now. “Well gee Ben, no shit. You’re just now figuring this out?” or maybe “Well gee Ben, don’t you think this might be the pot calling the kettle black and that’s why you are so attached to your point of view?”

That’s fair enough but allow me to explain. Yes, I know we all think we are right and the other guy is wrong and we all have a tendency to filter information so that it conforms to what we already believe. I won’t dispute that and I’m probably just as guilty as the next guy. And yes, I’m somewhat confident and steadfast when it comes to conclusions I’ve reached on the various political issues at hand.

But here’s the difference that I’ll claim when it comes to my own perspective: I am willing to consider and take fully into account new information and another point of view, even if it happens to be contrary to my way of thinking. I’m willing to be proven wrong and if I am wrong, I’ll change my point of view so that it aligns with reality as opposed to clinging rigidly to some long held but misguided position. I’m not going to shut someone off and discount anything they may present simply because they are a conservative or a liberal or whatever other label that I may have some personal aversion to. I have learned so much more from people that I disagree with than those who already think just like me and I would have missed out on a wealth of knowledge had I closed myself to anyone who might challenge or offend me on some level.

I’m not saying any of this to sound self-righteous, even if it does. I’m saying it because I’ve been truly amazed at the unashamed closed-mindedness of some otherwise intelligent and reasonable people that I have butted heads with when discussing politics. I have been told point blank “there is nothing anyone can say that is going to change my position or beliefs on this/these issues”. Really? How fucking sad and pathetic. Think about the implications of that kind of a statement. And even in some cases where it wasn’t explicitly said to me, that same point was made clear enough.

Now it’s true that there are some philosophical arguments that people can debate all day long and there is really no right or wrong, or no way to factually prove a right or wrong. But some of this stuff really is black and white. Some of it just pure fact versus fantasy and if otherwise smart people would rather cling to fantasy than confront fact and base their decisions according to reality…well people, we are on the fast track to self-destruction and I am absolutely convinced that that kind of blind and willing ignorance and refusal to change is largely responsible for the various debacles which we are now in.

I’m not talking about religion here or the moral implications of legal abortion, etc. You can’t really prove anything on those kinds of issues and we can argue idiotically over those things until we are blue in the face and never reach any kind of conclusion. But other disputes can be solved by virtue of empirical data. Take the issue of the Community Reinvestment Act which I made a point on recently. The right wing media and others have repeatedly made the claim that that was the cause of the subprime mortgage crisis. But when we look at the actual real life data that claim just is simply not true. It can be proven untrue with facts and figures that aren’t subject to interpretation. Any reasonable human being should be able to see the data and acknowledge the erroneous nature of that claim. But I have been firsthand witness to the attitude of “no, I won’t look at the data because you aren’t going to change my mind, and that’s how it is goddamnit”. And this wasn’t coming from some backwoods, trailer park, snake handling inbred.

There are dozens of other examples like this that I have encountered and I’ve seen bizarre rationalization and explaining away of simple cut and dry facts when they conflict with someone’s cherished opinions. In a sense, for way too many people, factual data is completely irrelevant. This is a given for some percentage of the population but for most of us, it shouldn’t be. When your mind is completely closed off to opposing information you are incapable of learning anything new and are essentially stuck in an ideological rut. Perhaps my own naivety is to blame but I’ve been stunned at how common this is when discussing the election. The utter inability or unwillingness to accept reality, admit when one is wrong, and change when reality calls for it is a threat to freedom and human progress.

The Community Reinvestment Act

2008-10-31T13:34:00.000-07:00

Wow. Right wing media would have us believe that the credit crisis can be blamed on minorities and poor people who couldn’t afford their mortgages (via the “democratic congress who forced banks to make loans to people who couldn’t afford them”). Their basis for this claim is the Community Reinvestment Act which was enacted in 1977 by democratic president Jimmy Carter and was intended to prevent discrimination in mortgage lending and encourage banks to make loans to customers who reside within the community that they operate.

Two of the most glaring problems with trying to blame the CRA:

1.) Only 20-25% of the bad loans behind the crisis were made by depository lending institutions that are subject to CRA. That means that 80% of the subprime mortgages had nothing to do with the CRA.

2.) Banks that were subject to CRA loans were substantially less likely than other lenders to make the high cost, high risk loans that fueled the subprime mess. CRA lenders were more than twice as likely as other lenders to hold originated loans in their portfolio (as opposed to selling them off to Fannie, Freddie, or other mortgage buyers). In fact, CRA loans were generally less risky and less likely to foreclose than other mortgages.

This is just more evidence of the right’s pathological inability and/or unwillingness to correctly identify the true source of a major disaster and hold the appropriate parties/policies accountable.

Some useful information that you won’t hear on Fixed News or talk radio:

http://www.businessweek.com/investing/insights/blog/archives/2008/09/community_reinv.html
http://www.newsweek.com/id/162789
http://www.newamerica.net/blog/asset-building/2008/its-still-not-cra-7222
http://economistsview.typepad.com/economistsview/2008/04/yet-again-it-wa.html
http://www.prospect.org/cs/articles?article=did_liberals_cause_the_subprime_crisis
http://www.reuters.com/article/pressRelease/idUS135259+07-Jan-2008+BW20080107

Proudly Unpatriotic

2008-10-20T19:51:00.000-07:00

I just read an article on Politico discussing Cindy McCain’s emerging new role in the campaign as she transitions from the reserved but supportive wife with minimal involvement, to another republican pit bull with lipstick. It’s noble of her to step up her efforts and help her husband try to resuscitate his ailing campaign. But her approach just reinforces the increasingly evident fact that the GOP just doesn’t get what this election is all about.

After two weeks of dismal polls you would think the republicans would have figured out by now that vitriol does not trump substance and angst does not substitute for relevancy. Sure, there is a certain “base” of conservative voters that love nothing more than to work themselves up into a hysterical frenzy, shouting epithets like “Terrorist!” and “Socialist!” or even “Muslim!”. There is no doubt that these folks eat up the pit bull tactics but really, were these people’s votes ever in question? Does stoking the emotional fervor of a group who was already going to vote for you anyway really accomplish anything politically?

Cindy McCain made the statement “I have always been proud of my country”, implicitly taking a jab at Michelle Obama. Well of course it’s always been easy for her to feel proud of her country. She is a child of privilege. She’s white. She’s never been made to feel like less of a human being because of her socio-economic status or skin color. In short, her country has always been very good to her. Other Americans can’t say the same thing but that doesn’t make them less American. Turning a blind eye to reality is not a patriotic act. This country is great but not perfect and it doesn’t make one a traitor to acknowledge the imperfections and even to express a little righteous anger when you’ve been on the wrong side of our nations flaws.

The right wing implicitly tries to label anyone who disagrees with their narrow perspective as un-American. Apparently they would have us live in a homogenous society where nobody questions the traditional values of the state and every good and patriotic citizen conforms to the status quo. But wait a minute…doesn’t that smell a little like communism?

Despite our alleged “Christian values”, this nation has been responsible for a number of stunning acts against humanity. I wonder how the conservative traditionalists reacted to the first person who spoke out against slavery. Time and again I’ve wondered how Christian America accepted slavery as a legitimate social arrangement. Actually, I don’t wonder. I can hear it now as the first few brave souls who questioned slavery were labeled anti-American, unpatriotic and even un-Christian. Interestingly, the first people that did speak out against slavery were Quakers from Pennsylvania – or, as the fundamentalist Christians called them – hellbound sinners of a false faith.

I’m digressing but it bears mentioning that the Bible and religion in America have been used to justify numerous atrocities, from slavery to war to not allowing women to vote. Somebody stood up to question each of these and in each case was labeled as a threat to normal and decent society and yes, as unpatriotic. They were labeled as dangerous radicals and were not only verbally attacked but were physically attacked and even killed…by good, upstanding and patriotic Christian citizens.

Am I unpatriotic for bringing these things up? Am I unpatriotic for questioning the actions of my government and acknowledging injustice and inequity when I see them? I wonder if a man who acknowledges that he has a drinking problem should be labeled as self-loathing for recognizing his addiction.

What the republicans and the far right fails to recognize is that admitting one’s faults and failures is a strength not a weakness. It’s how you get better. It’s how America became great in the first place. We’ve made some mistakes in the past and we are making some in the present and the true patriots are the people who can recognize this and acknowledge when change is needed. There are people who fear and will fight a change in the status quo. These are the people at the top, the elite, the Cindy McCain’s.

Apparently there are two kinds of elite when it comes to the political argument. There are the Cindy McCain’s and the George W. Bush’s who were born into wealth and privilege; they are elite. And then there are the other ‘elites’. The Michelle and Barack Obama’s who weren’t born into any kind of privilege and worked against all odds to obtain degrees from prestigious universities –institutions normally reserved for the first kind of elite – are the second kind of elite. It should not be surprising at all that the second kind of elites would be more prone to making valid criticisms of their country. It hasn’t coddled them because of their birthright but in fact has done the opposite. Does this make them unpatriotic? I’d argue that the answer is no. It makes them honest. The truth isn’t always pretty and as a rule, the truth is going to upset someone.

America can still be a great country. I’m not proud of what has become of us over the past eight years and if it makes me unpatriotic to criticize and hold accountable those who were responsible, then let me state here for the record that I am proud to be unpatriotic. This country is growing and changing right now and it’s going to make some people very uncomfortable. That first breed of elites will fight change tooth and claw but the rest of us…well, we will welcome it.

Cindy McCain, call me any name you like. You and I live in two different Americas and we have two very different definitions of patriotism.

Sublime Hilarity (Stream Of Consciousness)

2008-10-09T20:52:00.000-07:00

We fill up pages and time litters the sidewalks of our Eden. The art of procrastination is on display, naked like the wilted leaf on the path to nowhere. You might get lucky enough for half a second to realize you are nothing. The platitudes and admonitions may be exposed to the light and evaporate like condensation from a can of cold brew. You might find yourself upon a precipice and then again, you might have the good fortune of walking through the valley of the shadow of death in nothing more than your underpants and a pair of cheap sunglasses. You might realize you are Don Quixote and those windmills are real smart asses. The stars poke through the black canvas one by one…are they laughing at you? More importantly, are you laughing at them? Humor lurks behind every rotting corpse. That may offend you. If you let your thoughts just go where they will, you just might offend yourself. This is life and there are no sidelines to sit on. Better to find that out the easy way than to have the teacher catch you sleeping and embarrass you in front of the class. We can sift through this charade of plastic pink flamingos together or you can go it alone. It’s not hard to see if you would only remove the metal bucket from your head. It will be much easier to sleep when it’s not there for other people to bang on with their wooden spoons. It’s not so funny now is it? Wrong. It’s funnier now than ever. You’re clever. So am I but what good has that done either of us? We both piss into the same wind and the wind gets the last laugh. Ah, if only the wind could be bottled up and sold at convenience stores or taken with bread and wine on communion Sunday. Contemplate. Meditate. But don’t procrastinate. I can say it with a straight face but that’s about it. If we only knew, we’d be laughing right now too. Two stars might collide but that would be less significant than either of us feeling the vibe. I can dig it. I can roll with it. I’m willing to let the sand slide through my fingertips and down into the trembling Earth, with all it’s wanton hypocrisy, with all it’s perfunctory grace. If it were any more graceful, surely one of us would have dissolved into a beam of sunshine by now and confused the hell out of the peanut gallery. Shhhh.. .Can you hear that? Dead ass silence dishing out wisdom for free. Go ahead, take a peek out the window. The moon ain’t countin’ no age. The flowers still bloom when the stock market crashes. You might Botox that expanse between what you wanna see and reality but…that shit’s just poison. You’d do far better by tying a rope to one leg and hanging upside down from a towering tree in an invisible forest. The world only has any hope of making sense when seen upside down. So go on ahead. Climb up that tree and tie the knot good. You’re gonna be there awhile. Screw the neighbors. They only give you bad looks because you mirror their own inanity back to them. It’s like that when the circus comes to town and you are the freak show.

Starbuckanoia

2008-10-04T18:40:00.000-07:00

It wasn’t the first time he had privately entertained the possibility that aliens could be the controlling agency behind the Starbucks phenomenon. Ludicrous, he thought. Absurd, he said to himself. He didn’t even know that he believed in extra terrestrials. Well he did actually, but he couldn’t be sure that they had visited our little patch of paradise in the galaxy, much less have infiltrated Starbucks. My God what people will believe…he thought this to himself also. But there was that Phoenix lights thing. I mean, like thousands of people saw that, right? He’d even seen the video of those strange celestial formations taking shape over that desert metropolis. Something was surely parading itself with intentional fanfare and he found laughable the government claim that it was all just military flares.

This kind of thing grated on him constantly… dumb, implausible explanations by supposed authority figures or agencies. Even more befuddling to him was that there was a certain mentality in the human psyche that sat rapt like a trained pup, ready to eagerly swallow any tidbit of comforting explanation that was tossed down by these presumed benevolent purveyors of (dis)information. This attitude pervaded so many aspects of life for those disposed to this gullible and incurious way of thinking. Religion. Education. Commerce. Morality. How so many people could willingly allow their opinions and viewpoints on these and other important subjects to be spoon fed to them by someone else was a disgrace.

How did I even get on this train of thought? he asked himself. Oh yeah, Starbucks and aliens. It could be possible. $2.45 for a clear plastic cup with some ice and green tea inside? And what was tea when one really thought about it? Water! So $2.45 for a throw-away cup full of flavored water. That wasn’t even the kicker though. One could procure this exact green tea from any grocery store for about $3.40 a box. A box made about twenty cups of tea, or ten the way he used it. No matter how one sliced it he had just paid one dollar less for a single cup of tea than he could have paid for ten cups of tea.

He pondered this and all the sub-thoughts that went along with it. Shame. Guilt. Embarassment. These all naturally flowed as he remorsefully contemplated his actions. And the really bad part? He had that same tea at home, readily available and easy to prepare. Home was less than seven minutes away. But by some act of demonic influence or alien possession he had just paid $2.45 for this cup of tea. WTF? He thought. What’s become of me? Damn, I’m starting to think in text messaging! This troubled him further.

One could lament over this sort of thing for hours if allowed to indulge and wallow in self-pity. He knew this and disciplined himself to move on mentally. But the episode did solidify the alien possibility in his mind. He had just willingly engaged in a bizarre, irrational, and disconcerting act that worked directly in the interest of Starbucks and against his. What kind of otherworldly voodoo could be responsible for this?

And have you seen the people that work at Starbucks? So annoyingly perky with that tenuous façade of cool trendiness. Who would intentionally act this way in public? He scolded himself for being so judgmental. They’re just people, he thought to himself. Just doing their job. They probably have new hire orientation classes where they teach the Starbucks attitude.

“Whatsup dude. What can I get started for you today?” Well gee dude, why dontcha go right ahead and just yank my wallet out of my back pocket and then smack me upside the head for good measure…okay? Thank you. I’ll pop back in tomorrow so we can do this again.

Credit Default Swaps - Simplified(?)

2008-09-29T13:21:00.000-07:00

Bank X makes a loan to Company Z. Federal law requires Bank X to keep a certain percentage of cash on hand in case Company Z is unable to repay their loan. This cash cannot be loaned out or invested by Bank X. This is a limitation to Bank X because it is much more advantageous for them to loan or invest their cash than to have it in a low (or no) interest bearing account. Here is where the Credit Default Swap comes in to play. In order to free up this cash Bank X sells the risk on the loan made to Company Z to another company, Company Q. Bank X agrees to pay Company Q a certain dollar amount per month in exchange for Company Q agreeing to cover the loan made to Company Z in the event that Company Z defaults. Now Bank X can loan/invest the cash that was previously tied up as the reserve amount for the loan to Company Z. Company Q now gets a new monthly income stream for “insuring” the loan made to Company Z. It’s a win for both entities up until the unfortunate event that Company Z defaults on the loan, at which point Company Q is now on the hook for the loan amount. The contract between Bank X and Company Q is called a Credit Default Swap and becomes a separate investment vehicle that can then be sold by Company Q.

Of course, this is an oversimplified example and credit default swaps are created against a large pool of loans as opposed to a single loan, further complicating the risk evaluation, which was and is part of the problem. Evidently CDSs have been around awhile and didn’t become especially problematic until they became so prevalent with mortgage backed securities (a large pool of mortgages instead of corporate loans). AIG was neck deep in mortgage based credit default swaps (AIG would be equivalent to “Company Q” in my example above).

Allegedly the financial world went ape-shit with CDSs over the last few years and all was well until people started missing their mortgage payments en masse. So here we are.

VeePee In A Bubble

2008-09-24T08:37:00.000-07:00

I hate to keep harping on this but the red flags keep appearing with such alarming frequency that it warrants continued scrutiny. Sarah Palin. Despite her glowing achievements and unquestionable experience and qualifications (she can see Russia from her front porch for crying out loud!), she’s still too big a liability for the McCain campaign for normal media access. The press is understandably frustrated by this and in my opinion it should be cause for concern for all of us. After all, this is the potential VICE PRESIDENT of the United States.

Sarah is probably a fine person but this situation reminds me a lot of that old movie “Dave” where an average look-alike guy is called upon to stand in for the president who is in a coma. Much like Sarah, Dave requires a great deal of ‘handling’ in order to appear presidential. But unlike Sarah, Dave has some redeeming qualities and takes to the role fairly naturally.

I would assume that this kind of media protection is unprecedented. Last night I saw parts of a PBS special about Ronald Reagan and whatever you think of his presidency, it’s undeniable that he had charisma to spare and was a master of improvisational media interaction. He was articulate and quick on his feet. You got the impression that he genuinely understood the questions he was asked and his answers were appropriate and on topic. (Very Obama-like, if I may say so myself.)

Perhaps more importantly – and getting to my point – he actually enunciated his words and his grammar was respectable, educated sounding. Contrast that to Sarah Palin. Contrast that to Bush. The latter two have one particular verbal flaw in common that should, in and of itself, disqualify anyone from high office.

You can probably guess what I’m talking about. One word. Such an important word in times like these. It’s a dark word that strikes fear all across the land and it’s a word that deserves respect. Unfortunately, it’s a word than when mispronounced sounds so idiotic that it should embarrass the whole nation.

Feel me?

Say it with me now…George, this is for you…”NOO KYOO LER!”. “Newkewler?” Whatever.

“Iran cannot be allowed to obtain a newkewler weapon.”

No, Sarah! You – and anyone else that can’t make what little half-assed effort it would take to learn to say this and other words correctly – cannot be allowed to speak on public television representing this nation. And more importantly, if you lack the dignity and wherewithal to master your native language, you shouldn’t even be allowed into the running for public office. This should be a basic qualification.

A southern accent, I can live with. A little Boston non-rhoticity (think Haahvahd)? No problem. Some degree of geographical dialect is understandable, charming even, depending on your tastes. But some words deserve – no - demand some semblance of proper pronunciation. A president or vice president is more than just a role model, they are the face and voice of an entire nation. They are our first impression. Image counts. Articulation and clarity are paramount.

What happened the last time we elected a person who couldn’t pronounce NUCLEAR? How did that work out?

See what I’m getting at here? Let’s learn from our mistakes. What does it say about a person’s competency level when they have the temerity to butcher such a sensitive word in front of tens of millions of television viewers?

Nuclear. Noo-klee-er. Nothing difficult about that but it immediately adds twenty or so points to perceived IQ level. It doesn’t sound elitist, so stop with that already.

I’m not only disappointed with Sarah Palin over this oratorical fallacy but I think her group of handlers should be taken to task as well. They are the ones shaping and molding her image and this would be a quick and easy fix.

As it is, Sarah is in a protective bubble from media contact and if that doesn’t scare the hell out of you, I don’t know what will. Personally, hearing “noo-kyoo-ler” sends a few shivers down my spine.

What’s the implication here? She’s competent and qualified enough to possibly be in command of the most powerful nation on Earth, but…she has to be buffered from impromptu questions from the media.

Hmmm…

I caught McCain on sixty minutes the other night responding to the question “Do you think Sarah Palin is ready to step in as president of the United States?”

“Absolutely…absolutely…absolutely”, he chanted. He cannot seriously believe this. And if he does, that alone should be ample proof of his lack of judgment. She’s not even ready to ride the media bicycle without the training wheels. She can’t even say nuclear!

I submit that correct pronunciation of the word nuclear should be a mandatory qualification for nomination/election to any government office. Think of the misery we would have been spared had this stipulation been in place eight years ago. Imagine what future misery we could avoid.

Adding Palin to the republican ticket was a blatant and desperate political move that demonstrates McCain’s wreckless ambition to become president. Sure he’ll pick up a few votes as a result. But understand, the people who are now voting for John McCain because of Sarah Palin are the very same ones who would vote for Elmer Fudd as long as he was anti-choice and an NRA member.

I really have no problem with a hockey mom mispronouncing the word nuclear. But the president or vice president of my country? Come on. They should be held to a higher standard. John McCain is selfishly endangering the credibility and future of this country by having Palin on the ticket. She is absurdly inexperienced and requires a constant buffer from the media lest she open her mouth and say something stupid.

America, you should have higher expectations.

Republicans Are Upset With Themselves

2008-09-18T13:54:00.000-07:00

And they should be. Stumbled across this article here where congressional republicans are upset because they “they don’t feel like they understand the coherent strategy” of the Bush administration in regards to this financial debacle. Welcome to my world, congressional republicans. I don’t think anyone on mother Earth, including Bush, understands his strategy on anything; but I’m glad to see a trace of concern aimed at republicans by republicans. It’s heart-warming to a confused and concerned conservaliberal like myself.

Somehow, some way, the die hard and hopelessly indoctrinated right wingers among us are blaming – you guessed it – the democrats for this economic free fall that is shrinking our 401Ks and poo-pooing the FICO score of the United States government (which, by the way, will lead to all kinds of fun things in the future). I’m still new enough to politics for this to be surprising to me, so cut me some slack here. I’m still trying to adjust myself to the reality that politicians work from the standing assumption that the American public is a herd of blindfolded, tranquilized cattle. I’m becoming hip to the fact that some portion of us are indeed just that and another large portion are just blind, unquestioning, partisan loyalists. And then, perhaps worst of all, is another percentage who are indeed quite bright and informed but just can’t bring themselves to admit when they’ve been wrong and who can’t change their position despite being buried in a mountain of crushing evidence against them. Pride, you say? It’s an ugly thing.

No matter your political party you have to admit that McCain has one hell of a quandary in trying to get elected as a republican amidst the wreckage left in the wake of a republican white house and – until the last two years – a republican congress. Let’s be honest here, running your campaign on the theme of “change” and “reform” is kind of like admitting that you messed up and will promise to do better next time. Either McCain did or did not vote in tandem with Bush 90% of the time, and folks, it’s pretty gall darned (trying to avoid sounding ‘elitist’) obvious that he did. I mean, that’s on record, right? You can’t just blame all of the inconvenient facts on the liberal media. Maybe McCain was being a maverick that other 10% of the time but that’s a piss poor track record if I may say so myself, even by government standards.

McCain’s got a lot of experience as a politician, I’ll give him that. In fact, with all that time in office he’s had every chance in the world to make good decisions and take action to avoid history-making disasters like this one. But here we are, six of the last eight years dominated by republican leadership and a case history of lack of regard for fiscal responsibility and, arguably, a lack of regard for human life. The results speak for themselves, do they not?

McCain always seems a little uncomfortable to me, and who could blame him. If he ever was a maverick, and if there is an ounce of integrity and self-honesty that remains, transforming into the very thing he claims to be against has to be a painful undertaking. I kind of feel bad for him. But with all those houses I’m sure he’ll be fine.

The more America comes to her senses the worse McCain’s prospects become. It’s already starting now. The economic cattle prod is moving to and fro across the once green pastures and the herd is stirring. It’s high time for a little introspection on the part of republican politicians. I’ve let go of the naïve idea that anyone will take responsibility to what has become of America the apathetic. But I do know who has been running the show for eight years now, and so does anyone else who can read, write, and use the grown-ups potty. This does not – cannot - bode well for a republican campaign.

McCain is tripping all over himself this week and would do well to just take the rest of the week off and go camping or maybe moose hunting with his running mate, avoiding any form of media and any more opportunities to do or say anything stupid.

But even that wouldn’t postpone the inevitable.

Teenage Pregnancy – Now Endorsed By “Focus On The Family”

2008-09-02T06:55:00.000-07:00

We interrupt our regularly scheduled series of essays to highlight another poignant example of the moral relativism of the religious right. Or maybe double standard would be a better way to put it. As the proverbial cat has been let out of the bag regarding Sarah Palin’s pregnant teenage daughter, evangelicals including Focus On The Family leader James Dobson have rallied to support her and reiterate their endorsement of the republican vp selection.

Apparently the imperative of moral perfection and abstinence only applies to those heathen liberals. Puritans all across the land of conservatism are taking heart that hey, at least she isn’t having an abortion.

Had this scenario played out the other way around with a democratic, pro-choice candidate, the wingers would have celebrated gleefully and gone after the poor guy/girl like rabid pit bulls. O’Reilly and Limbaugh foam out the mouth about this sort of thing and would be name calling and high-fiving like gloating five year olds. Ann Coulter would be shouting “Godless wh#re!” from the rooftops. It would just be further confirmation of the amoral, fornicating tendencies of the liberal left and it would be milked for every ounce of political influence that they could squeeze out of it.

But as it turns out, you get a hug and pat on the back when you happen to be on the republican ticket and a pro-lifer. Once again we see the cherry-picking morality and double standard of the right. We all know that a democrat would have been crucified under this scenario.

Personally I do not think it’s a big deal that this girl is pregnant and I give Obama credit for taking the position that he has. ‘Family is off limits and anyone on my staff that doesn’t respect that will be fired’, he says. Like any reasonable person he understands that we are all human and that sh#t happens. I like to quote the Bible in this kind of situation. “Judge not lest ye be judged”, I say. But then again, I’m not a conservative republican.

Psilocybin On The Horizon

2008-08-23T13:09:00.000-07:00

Well, it feels like I’m past due on adding another blog entry. My number one fan and number one critic has been indicating that my blog posts are too long for normal human consumption. She’s probably right but that doesn’t mean I’ll be successful in getting any shorter.

Sitting down to do this without anything in mind to write about can make this difficult. So why not just talk about what I’ve been thinking about or what I’ve found interesting lately. That is actually pretty easy and can be summed up with one word: Psilocybin. No, that is not a prescription asthma medication.

This is a topic that some may find disturbing or upsetting but bear with me here. This is something that I’ve been vaguely interested in for a number of years. Blame Carlos Casteneda, Aldous Huxley,native American culure, my own curiosity for interior exploration, and now…Johns Hopkins University. The last one might just be the one that tips the scales on this for me.

Okay without further ado let’s get to what the hell I’m talking about. The latest thing to pique my interest on this subject is this article here (http://www.sciam.com/article.cfm?id=long-trip-magic-mushrooms). If you can, read that before reading the rest of this blog entry.

Psilocybin is the active ingredient in – and God I hate saying this – “magic mushrooms”. Over the past few weeks I have done a ton of research into psilocybin and mushrooms, mostly sparked by this latest study at Johns Hopkins School of Medicine, and I am absolutely struck by how similar the after effects and psychological changes evoked by psilocybin are to what I have experienced through years of meditation. It’s uncanny. There’s the whole oneness with the universe thing, and the feeling of being smack in the middle of eternity, the inter-connectedness of all life, the importance of love, and much much more. This “drug” seems to, in general, have an enormously positive effect on people. It’s true that’s not always the case but there are a number of factors that are involved that can determine how a psilocybin experience will go.

Before moving on let me just state for the record that I have never personally taken a psilocybin journey.

Yes, it’s illegal; which, after what I have learned is pretty absurd. But then again I think it’s absurd that marijuana is illegal. (And I hate marijuana.) If you look back on the history of psilocybin in America it’s easy to see why they outlawed it. Let’s just say the hippies might have ruined it for the rest of us. Folks, I’m glad you busted us out of the hypocrisy of the status quo but life is sure about a hell of a lot more than just ‘feelin’ good’. With that being said I’d like to also thank the hippies for all the great music and the very real contribution they made to human development in America and possibly worldwide. There was most definitely some good there.

Sidenote: My number one fan and number one critic thinks I’m a hippie. No thank you. I have no desire to run naked through the woods tripping on LSD. And Alan Ginsberg? I’ve tried but I just don’t feel it. Must have been one of those things where you had to be there. I don’t know.

Some interesting facts about psilocybin: It is physically impossible to become addicted to it. By any reasonable standard it’s impossible to overdose on because you’d have to eat like 16 pounds of mushrooms to get poisoned. (16 pounds of anything would kill you.) It’s significantly less harmful to the body than alcohol, nicotine, and tobacco. It’s been used in spiritual/religious ceremonies by Indian and other native cultures for thousands of years. Most of the participants in the Johns Hopkins study report that their experience was one most meaningful of their lives and still report positive changes in their sense of well being 14 months later when they were questioned in the follow up study. Also, psilocybin is currently the only thing offering any significant relief to these horrible headaches that dwarf the discomfort of a migraine called cluster headaches.

In my own personal research I’ve read hundreds of “trip reports” and have been amazed at what I have found. Very powerful and life changing psychological breakthroughs seem to be quite common. People have stopped the use of drugs or alcohol completely as the result of a mushroom experience. They’ve reconciled with their parents or other estranged loved ones, realized their innate worth as a human being and discovered the importance of compassion and the beauty of life.

Personally I’m starting to think that we ought to hand this stuff out to kindergarteners. (Just kidding)

It is true that people occasionally have “bad trips” that are terrifying and stay with them for a long time. It’s also sad but true that a lot of the people who would do this kind of thing are just your average druggies looking for a cheap thrill or escape from reality.
But…there is a positive aspect to this substance than cannot be ignored or feared out of ignorance. I am open to the possibility that it may very well play an important role in our journey but there are some major caveats to that. Primarily it’s that something like this would only be approached after a great deal of preparation and with a tremendous amount of respect and the right mind set. I think it could be useful for a sincere seeker who has a desire to dive deeper into themselves and the meaning of life.

I’ve searched high and low on the internet and cannot find one incident of someone being hospitalized or damaged in any lasting way by ingesting psilocybin mushrooms. In fact it’s really hard to find anything bad about them other than the risk of picking the wrong mushrooms and getting sick. Yet another absurdity arises to me that this is illegal and yet alcohol, cigarettes, prozac, and high fructose corn syrup are not.

I’ll wrap it up for now but will probably post a follow up on this subject at some point along the way.

Dream A Little Dream With Me

2008-08-03T15:12:00.000-07:00

Every so often have I have dreams that affect me at least as profoundly as any waking experience; in some cases, even more profoundly. They seem to come as powerful messengers from some place beyond what is normally accessible to me. The specifics of each individual dream don’t feel that important. The details aren’t what matter but rather the overall imprint that is left behind in my consciousness and the change that inevitably results from it. The actual content is symbolic as far as I can tell but I awake feeling as if I have been to another world.

In most of these cases I am aware that I am dreaming as it happens. In fact, that is usually the dramatic turning point; that moment when I become aware that it is a dream and that I can do out of the ordinary things. I become aware that something significant is happening. After this kind of event I will sometimes experience a deeply peaceful and blissful state and other times, in contrast, I will feel a sense of sadness so deep and raw that there are no words to describe it.

One of the most common analogies that appear in so many spiritual teachings is a description of life as a dream. There is the constant admonition to wake up. One of the more odd perceptions I have occasionally encountered is a slight difficulty in differentiating waking life from the dreaming state. Yesterday’s real life event feels comparatively significant to yesterday’s dream. Neither have a tangible power over my current situation but both leave imprints behind that can color my perception if I am inattentive enough to allow that to happen; if that makes sense. It makes sense to me.

Further on in the dream analogy is the idea of ‘being awake in the dream’. Buddha was called “The Awakened One”. He awoke within the dream of this life. This doesn’t mean that his physical body evaporated into a ray of light and floated off into some heavenly realm, but clearly some transformation took place. His physical existence on this plane (the dream) continued on, but his experience of life was permanently altered. He transcended human suffering and vowed to help others do the same. He taught an eightfold path and Buddhism was born, another religion that would inevitably suffer from many of the same trappings that afflict all organized religions at one time or another. Perhaps he could have disappeared into a beam of sunshine had he chosen to, but he didn’t.

One of the more interesting things about Buddhism to me is that the entire religion is centered around alleviating human suffering. In a nutshell, the cause of all suffering is attachment and desire. This is not an opinion but rather a verifiable fact that anyone can confirm the truth of by simply paying attention and analyzing any distress they may experience. The natural tendency is to distract and run away but by paying attention on a regular basis and tracing one’s suffering back to the root, the truth of the Buddhist philosophy can be experienced firsthand. Furthermore, they say, suffering can be overcome. There are practical methods and techniques that can be applied. In contrast to western religious philosophy, Buddhist doctrine places salvation squarely on the shoulders of the individual.

The events of our lives play out in front of us in movie and dreamlike fashion. It’s interesting to hear older people talk about how they don’t feel old and how quickly it has all gone by. I think this is because the observing presence, the pure consciousness in the background, remains unchanged from birth to death; even before birth and after death. Everything else changes. We suffer because we attach and want impermanent things to be permanent. We get caught up in the particulars of our own personal dream and lose touch with the observing awareness. That is the real “us” and it is why the self-conscious part of our mind will never feel old.

I had an interesting experience as a child and one of the things that came out of it was the perception that “I” had been in existence long before this current lifetime. I don’t know how to explain it other than to say it was clear and definitive and did not leave question. People talk about reincarnation and remembering past lives but that’s not how my experience was. I had no specific recollection of past lives; just direct experience of the timelessness of my own existence. The idea of reincarnation is reasonable and logical to me but it is also purely speculative. However, I have definitive ‘proof’ of my existing in some capacity prior to this lifetime. That, of course, brings up the questions of where, when, and how; and though I find these to be intriguing questions, I also find them to be unimportant. What is important to me is where I am now and how that may affect wherever it is that I may be going.

Another outcome of my experience was the realization of how utterly brief a single lifetime is in the overall scheme of things. It is (dare I say) much like a small piece of one of last night’s many dreams. I’ve often had the thought that people would suffer much less if they had the slightest inkling of the astounding brevity of their current experience. Everything that happens to us, we somehow think it will last forever, but the scenery is changing faster than we can comprehend.

We are, understandably, attached to the scenery and we are also attached to ourselves. But our ‘selves’ as we perceive them, are most certainly no more real than a dream. The personality, who we think we are, is a creation of our own imagination. Attachment to this phantom causes tremendous suffering. In a sense we are all dreaming our own little dream at all times and, in that regard, are creating our own experience and are living either in heaven, hell, or someplace in between based on our individual capacity to navigate through the hologram.

As these words are being read someone else’s dream is brushing up against my own and both the act of writing and reading this may just leave some little imprint on both of us that alters our perception of whatever particular act is next up on stage in our own individual drama. It is both dream and stage play, comedy and tragedy, blissful fantasy and horrific nightmare. Do you feel it changing even as you think about it? Can you sense yourself apart from it all, observing from somewhere just left of center stage? I hope that you can and wish you the most pleasant of dreams…even as I begin to hear the volume of the cosmic alarm clock growing louder and louder, somewhere off in the distance.

Turn On The Boob Tube, I'm In The Mood To Obey

2008-07-18T15:53:00.000-07:00

I’ve been skeptical of the mass media since my early twenties but not necessarily for all the right reasons. It was clear to me that there was an agenda but as far as I could tell the conspiracy went only as deep as a concerted effort to part you from your hard earned money. From the obvious efforts that come as the form of paid commercials to the more subtle messages that are woven into tv shows and movies, the underlying theme is always the same; happiness is attained through consumption, in whatever form.

That has been the message and ‘we the people’ have been successfully trained to be docile and obedient consumers. The evidence can be seen all around, from our waistlines to our wallets. The fact that we can be persuaded to consistently engage in behavior that is so obviously bad for us is just one small demonstration of the power of the media.

It’s understandable that the mass media would have this effect of turning us into consumerist droids. After all, who keeps them in business? Corporations. Advertising dollars. This makes perfect sense and is easy for me to wrap my head around.

But that was where it stopped with me. Other than the corporate agenda, I actually believed that we had a free and generally uncensored press. I believed that when I saw the news on television I was seeing a basically accurate and unbiased presentation of the facts.

I remember what it was like when 9/11 happened. Who doesn’t? I remember exactly where I was, what I was doing, and how I felt. I remember being glued to the television set every evening for the days and weeks that followed and believing what I was being told, every word of it.

I remember the first time I heard the phrase “9/11 Was An Inside Job”. I remember exactly who said it and the reaction that I had to that statement. Many people right now would have the same reaction I did to hearing such a statement. It was one of utter revulsion, anger, and disbelief. How could anybody say such a thing? I remember expressing my outrage when hearing this and asking myself what would motivate someone to make this kind of an allegation.

All of my conclusions about 9/11 at that time were based on my only source of information about the subject, the mainstream media. We all became scared in a way that many of us had never felt before and the world and this country changed more in that instant than it had in decades. I don’t have any figures but I’d guess that tv watching increased dramatically in the weeks and months following 9/11. I’ve never been one to spend much time in front of a television set but during that time I would watch religiously, anxiously.

An entire nation sat every night in rapt attention. We wanted answers and explanations, but more importantly, we wanted comfort and security. We wanted revenge. We wanted protection. We were spoon fed information and reassurance and the vast majority of us swallowed every ounce of it, willingly and gratefully.

We were a unified nation in a way that I had never witnessed before (I was 24 at the time) and the media made this possible. We were unquestionably behind our government in a way that I had never seen before. There was no need to ask questions. The answers were all right there in front of us in plain sight on our televisions. Our president was there telling us exactly what happened and what our government was going to do about it.

Fast forward seven years.

There is now a large body of evidence that renders the official 9/11 story laughable; utterly laughable. There are people like me, asking themselves how they could have ever believed such a story in the first place. In fact, the 9/11 Truth Movement appears to be growing each day and on the low end there are hundreds of thousands of Americans that question the official story and more likely the number is in the millions. One poll I read had 36% as the percentage of Americans who are doubters.

Whatever the actual number, it is substantial to say the very least, and growing. And…by some amazing and magical act, you don’t hear a whisper about this in the mainstream media. Nothing. Why??? Is it not newsworthy that such a vast number of individuals are questioning the explanation we were given concerning the most significant event to happen in our lifetime? Is it not worth a mention on Nightline or Good Morning America? Not even a five minute spot in between the reviews for Batman and the updates on Lindsay Lohan’s lesbian escapades?

There is still a lot I am grappling with on this subject. Until yesterday I had no idea that Arizona state senator Karen Johnson gave a speech before the Arizona state senate in support of reopening the 9/11 investigation. The contents of the speech can be read online (http://www.eastvalleytribune.com/story/118233) or it can be seen on YouTube (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3lgEpaLVjgo). This speech was given on June 10th of this year. Had I not found the story on http://www.whatreallyhappened.com/ I wouldn’t have even known it happened. Granted, it’s just the Arizona state senate but this lady is making some very controversial claims and you would think this would show up somewhere in our news. But no. Again, nothing. Why?

It also occurred to me today that most people don’t know (or remember) that World Trade Center 7 also collapsed on 9/11. It wasn’t hit by any aircraft, it just fell at near freefall speed, all by itself. A brief conversation with a peer today made it clear to me that most people don’t even realize that not two, but three buildings collapsed that day.

More and more questions are coming up and the 9/11 Truth Movement continues to grow and we hear nothing about it from the mainstream media. There’s no way I could cover all of the material on this topic - hell, I probably am only aware of a tiny fraction of the material anyway - but I find myself asking more and more why I only see the most trivial, airheaded, and utterly pointless topics covered on television news. I find myself in disbelief about what doesn’t get covered at all. Ever heard of Ron Paul? How is it possible that this man’s name - though he had millions of supporters - NEVER came up in the mainstream media during the presidential nomination campaign? How does that even happen?

Imagine how our worldview is shaped by the media, the power and influence it exerts over an entire population, and what could be accomplished by controlling this medium. There are arguments out there about the media dumbing down the population and, frankly, they make a damn good case. Who would want to dumb us down? For what purpose?

Preamble To Something Different

2008-07-10T14:33:00.001-07:00

After my last blog entry someone made the remark “Ben, I like your blog but you always write about the same thing.” I thought about it for about half a second and realized that this was a very accurate observation. I don’t write that often but it makes sense that I would have a tendency to write about what I think about most often and so there is this recurring theme of integrating the spiritual life into this age of materialism…or something like that.

I’m going to try to get away from that for awhile but I doubt I can eliminate those undertones completely from much of anything that I take the time to write about.

But before I move on… let me just say that it is possible for any person to have an experience that completely transforms their view of, well, everything. Let’s say that from the time you were born the world has told you that the sky is blue. Everyone knows the sky is blue. It’s just a fact that is taken for granted and – for the sake of argument – let us imagine that a good portion of the world’s knowledge and what is considered normal is based on the initial premise that the sky is blue. Now let’s imagine that you wake up one day or perhaps have some strange but undeniable experience that reveals to you that, in fact, the sky is NOT blue. All of the sudden you now know, from the very core of your being, that the sky is not blue and therefore all of the concepts that were based on that initial premise are no longer valid either.

The caveat to this little revelation is that you cannot actually share this information with anyone else without sounding like a complete lunatic. Even hinting at the possibility will get you nothing but strange looks from most people. But at the same time, the implications of such a thing cannot help but affect your life in a profound way and somehow creep into every aspect of your day to day experience. It cannot help but become a recurring theme in your consciousness because it touches every facet of life as a human being.

So what does one do if they find themselves in a situation like the one described above?

At first you probably go on the best you can and don’t mention it and do what you can to fit in. Externally, life goes on as normal. But internally there is a new dimension to your existence that seems to deepen as time goes on. With it comes the incessant desire to go even deeper, explore a little further. Occasionally you feel a bit like an alien being on a foreign planet but you make do.

That is a nutshell and slightly exaggerated analogy of something that I have been through. It has been a neat thing to get older and more comfortable with it and to realize that it isn’t that uncommon. It’s been neat to discover other people of a similar disposition and a wealth of literature and information on the subject.

Hopefully that serves as some kind of explanation as to why I end up repeating a similar theme whenever I sit down and try to write a blog entry. I don’t usually have the benefit of starting out the process with something in mind for a topic. I just let my thoughts carry me where they will and inevitably end up back on the same thing.

The inner life is something that has been devalued in our time but here and there you can see subtle signs of a comeback. Unfortunately commercial culture is so all pervasive that it defines our priorities and value system from birth to death. Pursuing the inner life puts you immediately at odds with popular culture and normalcy. This however may be starting to come to an end as people gradually grow weary of living in a society defined by consumption and fueled by insatiable appetite.

I think about these things a lot and so I end up writing about them even when it’s not necessarily my original intention. In an effort to challenge myself and add some variety for the hundreds of thousands of readers that visit my blog every hour (heh heh), I will make it a point to address some completely different topics the next few times I sit down to do this.

There’s no telling what kind of topics might pop up. I might discuss the ins and outs of owning an English Setter, or maybe why I think those clear plastic blister packs are incontrovertible proof of demonic influence in human affairs, or maybe the pitfalls of trying to make your vertical leap higher at age 31 than it was at age 19. Might delve into the ridiculous world of politics or other areas where I can proudly display my ignorance on certain subject matters. Maybe talk about marriage and relationships and try to get myself a big ole hug from Oprah the demigod. Who knows? I might even share some of my personal bathroom experiences. Point is, it will be something different. I promise.

You Do A Little Dance, Then You Drink A Little Water

2008-06-29T21:19:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I find more reasons to avoid doing the things I need to be doing than there are stars in the sky. I am a natural procrastinator. But out of practical necessity I have learned to be superhumanly efficient with time when I need to be. Okay, maybe superhuman is an exaggeration but to me it feels superhuman. I can waste time like nobody else. Today almost half the day was gone before I realized what time it was and I had done little more than eat breakfast and spend some time fooling around on the guitar. By fooling around I mean trying to master the guitar solo from Purple Haze. I recently indulged and bought a couple guitar gadgets and have finally been able to nail the tone from this song which, quite honestly, makes me feel like I’m channeling Hendrix right here in our little office/workout/music room.

Not to sound grandiose or anything but HO-LEEE-SHIT does it feel nice to play Hendrix and actually (somewhat) sound like Hendrix. Seven years ago I probably would have sold my soul, had that been an option, to be able to play some of this stuff that I can play now. I guess when you put your mind to it and have a love for something you really can surprise yourself. Who was it now that said you’ve gotta have love?

There are two states of sound that assure me that there is more to this world and our existence than what meets the eye: music, and complete silence. Music can give you a little taste of heaven, and silence, quite possibly, can give you the whole thing. My musical tastes span a pretty wide range but there is something ethereal and divine there that affects me like nothing else can. Nothing but silence that is. It’s been said that it’s the silent spaces between the notes that make music. The same probably goes for everything else.

Playing around with my new toys this morning I was creating sounds that one minute made me think I was about to blast off in a spaceship and the next that I was already zigging and zagging on the outer stretches of Saturn’s rings. I’ve never tried LSD but I’m pretty sure anyone under the influence would’ve thoroughly appreciated my psychedelic, green-tea fueled jam session.
I find time to pretend I’m Jimi but can’t find time to do other things that might actually be of some importance. Life has been a little hectic the last few weeks and I’ve slacked on the meditation. Of all things, this is what I have slacked on. I could just as well be writing an essay on how important it is to be regular with certain things like meditation but instead I’m writing this, talking about how I’ve managed to not find time lately.

Trying to maintain balance and stay centered in a world that is designed to distract and confine you is probably the most important thing any of us can do. There is a lot of confusion right now, a lot of unhappiness and frustration in this place where most of us have more in the way of comfort than any reasonable human being could ask for.

There’s a great quote saying something like “we live in a society that has mistaken comfort for civilization”. We are drowning in our own excess. We are surrounded and invaded by things and noise; the average attention span being reduced to about the same amount of time that it takes for Paris Hilton’s Chihuahua to pass gas. Without constant stimulation of some sort, some of us begin to go a little crazy. Alone with one’s thoughts is an uncomfortable experience that can pretty much be avoided altogether thanks to modern technology. I anticipate coming technology that will surgically implant tiny television screens inside of one’s eyelids so one’s eyes won’t even have to be open to catch the “exclusive” and latest Hollywood gossip on the Insider. Tiny speakers will be inserted directly into the ear drums and by pinching your earlobe in a certain manner you will be able to download streaming video and music, all powered by Apple of course. There may be side effects to some of this but Merck will be right there with a pill to counteract it. AstraZeneca will produce the pill that counteracts the side effects caused by Merck’s pill. Wal-Mart will start offering drive thru Botox and lipo. You’ll hear and see ads for all of this on the tiny devices that have been implanted into your eyes and ears. There will also be iPods for dogs. (I sincerely happen to think there’s a market for this.)

Well, it’s no wonder I have a problem managing my time. I had nothing in mind when I sat down to write this blog entry. I just knew it was time to write something and here I’ve wandered all around and somehow ended up in my own dystopian vision.

Though we have a lot to show in the way of things and comfort and every conceivable manner of indulgence, we have a major deficit when it comes to authentic happiness. This, in my opinion, is the result of our culture of distraction, triviality, and misguided priorities. We need silence in our lives to counteract everything else. If thirty minutes a day is good, an hour a day is better; just to let the water settle.

Today I pretended to be Hendrix. Last weekend I was pretending to be Michael Jordan as we played in Hoop-It-Up and managed to lose 4 straight games, never by a margin higher than two points. These things were distractions for me and, though they were fun, I neglected something that is far more important. I neglected that little space of time reserved each day to feel what it’s like to be truly human and alive and not just another pin-ball in someone else’s machine. And…I paid a price for it. Towards the end of the week it was tangible; something real, pulling me away from sanity, sucking me into a world of chatter, discontent, and irritation.

Tomorrow starts another day and a recommitment to get back to what I need to be doing, enjoying that beautiful silence where sanity resides and stepping away from the flashing screen, in whatever form it takes.

There's Dog Shit In My Yard. Damn Liberals.

2008-06-08T20:04:00.000-07:00

I think this is a safe blog entry to write. That is, I think there is a slim to none chance that the person whom I will be writing about will ever stumble upon this. At least I hope not. It’s not that I’m really going to say anything that I wouldn’t say to his face but the way in which I’d approach it would probably be a little different than what is probably about to follow.

A conversation that I had long avoided - and in some way had hoped would never take place - occurred late this afternoon as the result of provocation which proved to be more than I could resist. It was with a good friend of mine, someone I’ve known about 3 years now. The guy is in his late 40s and is just about your stereotypical Bush-loving conservative “Christian” republican. I say just about because he does happen to be vegetarian and engages in exercise and physical discipline that, in my experience, is hard to find among this particular demographic. Without going on about this, suffice it to say that politically/religiously/socially this individual is practically my polar opposite. Nonetheless he is a friend and I believe he is well-meaning but misguided. It is not my requirement that a person share my exact same views on everything in order to be my friend. In fact, I appreciate the diversity.

Let’s just call him Z. Z enjoys conflict tremendously and has an uncanny ability to create an adversarial relationship with anyone who is unfortunate enough to draw his irritation. And it doesn’t take much. For the entire time I have known Z, he has been involved in some lawsuit or legal proceeding of some kind. If it’s not suing his neighbor over their swimming pool or calling the police on an elderly woman who has wondered onto his property or complaining about some bicycle rider who makes a U-turn in his parking lot….well, if it’s not one thing it’s another. Z causes himself a tremendous amount of stress and seems to obsess over these kinds of things. Z yells and cusses at his wife. I have no doubt that he loves her and maybe some of the criticism is deserved but Z can get pretty verbally abusive with her and his college-aged children. He has a quick temper. Several times he has apologized to me for me “having to see that” and admits he is wrong and shouldn’t do it but…he keeps doing it.

Z confides in me. For whatever reason I think I intrigue Z and even though I’m quite a bit younger he seems to run things by me to get my input or opinion. This is fine with me. I know Z is good at heart and in certain areas he can teach me a thing or two. Z maybe drinks a little too much from time to time because his self created stress becomes too heavy a load and it offers him some release. He exercises heavily – this is our common ground – and it provides some stress relief but not quite enough. Z has some health concerns that most likely stem from his quick fuse and general attitude about life.

Today Z was complaining to me about what a bad week he had last week. He had a blow up episode and some other problems, all of which were really very minor and not worth the energy he exerted in response to them. On Z’s list of laments was “Obama”. I’ve avoided political discussions with Z in the past because he is outspoken and I know where he stands. He and his son had the opportunity to meet Bush in person several months ago and it was “just amazing”. Today he says “Ben, don’t tell me you’re for OBAMA….”. I guess my patience and self-control with this issue had finally run out, or maybe it was just the heat but I had no choice but to answer honestly. “I really like Obama Z. Of course I’m for Obama.”

This led to all kinds of discussion that I knew would have potential to end our friendship just because of our fundamentally different worldview. We talked oil and abortion and the war in Iraq and 9/11. I held back a little but generally let him know where I stood on these issues. Some of things I said clearly stunned him and left him almost speechless. You could see him thinking. The conversation, to my pleasant surprise, remained cordial. He probably did more of the talking and that definitely helped but he seemed open to what I had to say. His complaint with Obama, oddly, was something about a comment he made and him being pro-choice. Somehow in his mind it mostly came back to abortion and the immorality of killing an innocent unborn child. I’m not sure if he just couldn’t think of anything else or in his mind he was really able to compartmentalize politics to such an extreme but this is how it was.

I asked him how he could reconcile the morality of starting a devastating war on false pretense and killing hundreds of thousands of innocent Iraqis and thousands of young American soldiers. There were other questions I posed along these lines and it generally resulted in a subject change of sorts. He made a comment about Obama being the anti-Christ. I think (and hope) he was at least mostly joking but I eventually shot back with my belief that Bush/Cheney were the Terrorists In Chiefs and if there was such a thing as the anti-Christ, they fit the bill nicely, at least on grounds of devastation of life and destruction. Still…the conversation remained cordial but pretty much devolved into a complaint-fest about all the ills that are afflicting him and his business. Somehow it was implied that all of this is the fault of the liberals and democrats…even the old lady at the end of the street who’s dog shits in a remote corner of a very large grass field behind his building.

The conversation ended and we remain friends. In fact I think I made at least a small bit of progress with Z. Z thinks I handle life pretty well and it obviously piques his interest. He found a book by Paul Brunton that I had left sitting by the swimming pool (accidentally) and has questioned me several times about things like meditation and spirituality. Z’s sense of self-identity very much hinges on his Christian beliefs and he almost feels a little guilty for being curious about anything different. The same can be said for his politics. But intuitively he recognizes that something about his personal philosophy isn’t quite working for him. He has absolutely zero control over his emotions and his anger. He seems to have no tools to help him with this. His way of relating to the world is moving him closer to a breaking point, psychologically and physically. He recognizes this but has no idea what to do about it. So…as Z’s friend, I do the best I can to help out without thrusting my views onto him.

We wrapped up our conversation and Z agreed to read a book I suggested and also agreed to watch a DVD, “9/11 Mysteries 1: Demolition”. Z is interested in Eastern philosophy and how it can be practically applied to help his health and his life. I gave him a novel which I think serves as a great primer and is also one of my most favorite books of all time, “Island” by Aldous Huxley. I hope he takes it to heart.

The Door Is A Jar

2008-06-04T15:41:00.000-07:00

Well, it’s been awhile since I’ve had the time to write here. Really one always has the time it’s just a matter of taking the time to do what’s important to you. But…on the flipside of that, sometimes just surviving the day-to-day can easily devour all of your time. Such has been the case with me lately. May was a busy one; too many things to talk about and none of them really interesting enough to be worth taking up space here. I realize that a lot of people use these things as an ongoing play-by-play of their personal life and circumstances and there’s nothing wrong with that either. It’s just not me. If you’re that interested in putting yourself to sleep I’d suggest Benadryl or Tylenol PM and save me the typing.

Have I ever mentioned that there’s really no such thing as time? Probably not. Even so that doesn’t change the fact there are things that need to get done between when the sun comes up and when it goes down. It’s possible to experience the unreality of time but it’s not possible to escape the obligations of day-to-day living.

Sometimes events and changing circumstances come at you with such speed that it’s difficult to assimilate them as they occur and it can be a bit overwhelming. When this happens – as it has with me over the past few weeks – it’s important to take extra precautions to keep yourself centered and sane. It’s in these times that it’s easy to find yourself staggering through life on auto-pilot/survival mode and getting caught in the downstream current. It’s easy to stay on course (assuming you have a course) when there is not much else vying for your attention and time.

I have practiced a lot of meditation over the years (and still do) and there is something that gradually happens as a result where you start to become very conscious of the background awareness that is silently observing every experience in your life, including internal experiences like thought and emotion. It’s neither thought nor emotion and it’s not the running dialogue in your head but it’s something behind all of that. It’s a neutral, unaffected observing presence.

When life becomes more hectic than usual I do everything I can to stay more in tune with that background awareness. There is possible change on the horizon for me career wise and though I don’t really consider myself very ambitious career-wise, there is an exciting opportunity that has arrived neatly wrapped and hand delivered to my doorstep. A job is just a job but it is also what puts food on the table and keeps the lights on and practically speaking, it is a huge facet of anyone’s life. Any change in this area is not to be taken lightly, even if it’s what looks like a good change.

So I’ve been pondering these things and trying to be vigilant about distinguishing logic from intuition and fear from common sense. I’ve been waking up a little bit earlier, being more conscious of every sensation and action that I experience throughout the course of each day, paying more attention to what I eat and how it affects my mind/body, devoting time each day to think about all that is going on, and devoting more time each day to cast thought out of my mind altogether.

On other fronts, I’m very happy to see Obama finally get the nomination. I’m not happy to see that he is already pandering to Israel and I honestly just don’t get this whole thing, which is one of the reasons I don’t talk about these kinds of issues on my blog. I have no idea why it’s just accepted that our country basically plays the role of “beer bitch” for Israel. Maybe hit man is a better analogy than beer bitch. But… I stay away (obviously) from the political blogging so I won’t expound on this digression.

It’s likely that I will need to continue being very attentive and vigilant over the next few weeks. I’m just short of making any big decision but it definitely feels like change is on the horizon and I’m soon to be practicing the Yoga Of Changing Jobs. We’ll see…

Dancing In The Liquid Fire

2008-05-12T21:56:00.000-07:00

I’ve been told on more than one occasion that I am a very disciplined person. This is actually pretty funny to me because I’ve never really considered myself to be so. But if I step back and take a look at myself from the outside, as much as that is possible, I guess it is fair to say that I am relatively disciplined. If this is indeed true, it’s worthwhile to look at the why behind whatever self-discipline that I may possess. It is not something that was forced or even necessarily taught to me (though in come cases it was). Really it is impossible to impose this kind of thing onto another person against their will for any length of time and even if you do, the unwilling participant will lack the necessary sincerity to get much use out of whatever discipline is in question.

Now with that being said it’s not to imply that I’ve never once tried to impose my opinions on how someone should live their life or what they should believe. There was a time period where I fell into this trap and it is indeed a trap because it’s nothing more than the ego creeping back in and trying to use anything it possibly can to make itself feel superior to someone else. This happens to all of us. It especially happens when one discovers something new that is wonderful to them or is introduced to some new idea or system that they resonate strongly with and perhaps have a genuine wish to share it with others with all the best intentions.

You cannot impose discipline on to another person because if that person is to derive any real benefit they have to discover the need and usefulness of it for themselves. It has to be their idea. I don’t think that I have personally ever been the sort to just believe something or go along with it because an authority of some sort told me I had to or that I should. I always asked “Why?” as far as I can remember except in those cases where the ‘why’ was obvious or because I had a certain respect for the person giving the information. I think this is one of the reasons I was drawn so strongly to Buddhism at one point because the Buddha essentially said ‘hey, don’t believe any of this stuff that I am telling you, go find out the truth of it for yourselves.’ That is a philosophy that I can respect.

I’m not Buddhist but at one time I sure thought I was. I also did some Bible thumping for about a three or four month period in my life. That’s pretty funny to think about now but I had my reasons. I’ll probably talk about that here at some point. I’m much more an advocate of direct experience than “faith” but I realize that faith plays an important role also and cannot be dismissed entirely.

Maybe it is true that I am a disciplined individual but we are all disciplined in some sense of the word. None of us are willing to press our hand against a red hot burner on the stove. Discipline? You’re probably saying “no Ben, that’s just common sense”. But it wasn’t common sense at some point along the way. Maybe you found out the hard way or maybe you believed your mommy or daddy when they warned you, but either way you eventually got the message. Really that sums up any ‘discipline’ that I have in my life. This may or may not be pertinent to the topic but incidentally I did just about literally blow up an entire kitchen before I was five years old…

I’m at a point where I feel like there is a lot of good in my life, a lot to be thankful for and a lot to be happy about. This is how life is, there are upswings and downswings. In a lot of ways I am enjoying an upswing at the moment, though ever conscious of the fact that things can and do change at a moment’s notice. I’m comfortable with that. It’s possible that some of the good that is appearing right now is the result of discipline on my part. The fact that I am comfortable with life’s ever changing nature is most definitely a result of discipline on my part. I should also add that I will never be able to take personal credit for so much of this good that is in my life. Much of it is the result of grace and something that I don’t fully comprehend but nonetheless, I try to cooperate with it. I acknowledge it constantly and give thanks constantly also. Call it “God” if you like but keep in mind that I’m not referring to any white-bearded sky daddy. That’s a concept that, like bed-wetting, I had to outgrow. (Sorry, it’s my blog and I get to be a smart ass here.)

I find life to be a beautiful, wondrous, and mysterious experience. I also cannot help but notice that it is an intensely precarious one too. It is this precariousness that inspires the ‘discipline’ that I have. Learning that the red hot stove burns your hand is a metaphorical way of stating something that actually occurs throughout ones entire life. The danger gets less obvious as we get older and hopefully smarter and also because certain things become taken for granted and accepted, as if there were just no other way. Sometimes this is true but often it is not. Again, there is no requirement to participate in something just because everyone else is, whether that be a way of thinking or way of eating or spending or whatever.

A human lifetime can be looked at as a purifying experience. Spiritually speaking, we might just be going through a giant celestial car wash right now. The mud is being wiped away, the obstacles – one by one – being removed. Some of those stains are in there pretty good, requiring a great deal of heat and pressure. This whole thing can be quite painful at times and exquisite at others.

I’m running out of time and words to get into the specifics but I’d like to try to do so in another post or two. I’ve had some people close to me say some very nice things to me lately about stuff that I didn’t realize was that obvious. I’m thinking that what they are referring to is in large part the result of self-discipline which in my case basically consists of the following things: meditation, exercise, dealing with money, diet, and some other stuff that I’d like to maybe talk more about next time.

Hold The Bling

2008-05-02T21:07:00.000-07:00

You are the light at the end of the tunnel. I’m not sure exactly what that means but it sounds good and there just may be some truth to it. It came to me, what can I say? Something has occurred to me for awhile now. It will sound self-righteous to talk about but better to sound self-righteous on your blog than some other places.

It seems to me that a lot of people have no idea how to be happy. Maybe that’s not the right way to say it… What I mean is not many people seem to know how to facilitate their own happiness. I don’t think it’s any secret that as the wealthiest nation on Earth we are also the most heavily medicated and depressed/discontent. Serious depression is really another issue but the kind of low-level unease and discontent that I am talking about is very obviously rampant but also completely unnecessary.

From what I can tell there is a very simple cause for our collective dis-ease and it can be easily understood by recognizing how unprofitable personal contentment is. Factor in the overwhelming amount of advertising that the average person is exposed to, taking into account the proven fact that television puts a person into a semi-hypnotic and very suggestible state, and the picture starts to become very clear. There is a multi-billion dollar industry whose sole intention is to foster discontent and want. There is a very precise science behind it. Most people are aware of political propaganda but even more pervasive in our culture is commercial propaganda. We could call it “The War Against Your Personal Sense Of Satisfaction” or maybe “The War On Happiness”. It’s pretty easy to be defeated when you don’t even know you are being attacked.

It has become very clear to me that most of the population is slaving away and devoting their precious time and energy to chase a dream that someone else has defined for them. We are told what to want with such frequency and tenacity that eventually most of us give in, even if only subconsciously. Life really becomes one big commercial unless you make a very deliberate effort to make it otherwise.

Somewhere along the way we bought into the notion that we are incomplete beings. The truth is that there is absolutely nothing that can be added to any one of us. We are already whole, no credit card necessary. Happiness is an internal affair. In my humble opinion western psychology and religion have let us down when it comes to the art of happiness and practical matters of living well. Even our God is taught to be “out there”. All of the things that we are supposed to want are external. But any one of us could discover at any moment that everything a person could ever want or need is already right there within them.

There is a war for our attention and the things we focus on and think about most often will become our living reality. Individually speaking, external conditions become a reflection of one’s internal state. As a result of living on a constant diet of advertising and peer pressure from others on the same diet, many of us are in a state of perpetual want. And all of the things that we are supposed to want (and buy) and are supposed to separate us from the crowd and be such exquisite expressions of our personal individuality and self-worth are things that everyone is buying or already has. Most of the coveted symbols of success can be attained by almost anyone as long as they are willing to make the monthly payments and hey, most people are. I’m really not sure what’s so wonderful about driving an expensive new car or carrying a $200 handbag when you can barely make your minimum credit card payment as it is and at the price of your own sanity and peace of mind, but what do I know? You look around and this is what you see.

To the modern mind this is a preposterous concept; that happiness has nothing to do with what one possesses. But anyone who turns off the tv for a few days and steps away from the mass marketing blitzkrieg and maybe takes a little time each morning to sit alone and just be with themselves and their mind that hasn’t yet had time to be stirred up by the onslaught of the day’s events and the usual broken record thought patterns…(deep breath)…anyone who begins to do this on a regular basis and makes a concerted effort to escape from the mass mind will quickly understand the utter un-importance of just about any ‘thing’ as it relates to their happiness and well-being.

Yes, there is such a thing as a mass mind and group-think and escaping from it can be a bit like untangling oneself from a giant spider web but it can be done. Maybe human size fly paper is a better analogy than a spider web. The point is that is anyone can do it with a little will power and a willingness to acknowledge being stuck in something that really isn’t very good for you. So what if everyone else is doing it.

Really…the best things in life are free. If I continue to write blog posts about subjects and sentiments that are important to me that is probably a phrase that I will say quite often. The best things in life are free. I’ve found this to be true in my own life and by observing the lives of others. It would seem to me that what would be worthwhile is to pursue being free as a person, free from whatever it is that binds you, starting with that pile of possessions that you already have but don’t need and more importantly that mountain of possessions that you think you want and all the associated stress and energy wasting that goes along with acquiring it. There’s physical clutter and mental clutter but the former is significantly easier to dispose of than the latter. The removal of both is necessary if any of us are to find what it is that we are looking for.

An authentic pursuit of happiness and well-being has nothing to do with the fashion or pharmaceutical industries despite the fact that they spend billions trying to convince you otherwise. What everyone really wants is genuine happiness and peace of mind which, unfortunately, are in direct conflict with the popular culture of hyper-consumerism. Don’t try to buy what you already have. It’s already right there. All of this other stuff is just blocking your view.

Water Into Wine Back Into Water

2008-04-14T20:35:00.000-07:00

This kind of an essay is hard to write. It’s hard because I don’t want to sound preachy. Other than my late grandfather I’m really not fond of preachers or preaching. Despite this I do think that for the most part their hearts are in the right place; at least 50% of the time anyway. (What the hell…I’m an optimist.) It’s really not important or necessary to wander off into a tirade about religion but I would like quote Mark Twain on the matter just to give a small overview and I’m probably not going to get this verbatim but I can get close enough to make the point.

“When it comes to matters of religion and politics, people’s opinions and beliefs are mostly gotten second hand from another person whose opinions were gotten second hand from another person who’s opinions on the matter aren’t worth a brass-farthing”

--Mark Twain

Whatever the hell a “brass-farthing” is you got me but it’s probably not that valuable of a thing. In any case I’ll let that quote be the extent of my opinion for the time being. Twain wasn’t perfect by any means but he had a very keen and penetrating mind and wasn’t scared to tell it like it was/is. I have tremendous respect for him for that. Unfortunately he never took his own advice on the pitfalls of human greed and his life can really be an example for us all, taking into account the good and the bad.

Alright I’m slapping myself on the wrist now. It’s really hard to stay on point sometimes especially when you don’t know what the point is until it comes down through the air into the grand central station of the mind and then somehow takes form as words that appear on the screen through all the hundreds of thousands of neurons simultaneously firing and sending messages to the dozens (maybe hundreds?) of muscles and nerve endings in the hands and fingers. Shit, that’s a long sentence but we really are fascinating creatures. It boggles the mind to think about it and that’s probably why most of the time we don’t. The fact that we are here at all defies all logic and reason and the fact that we can manage to do what we can do goes way beyond that. Clearly logic and reason have their limitations.

We are miraculous creatures and that fact probably shouldn’t be taken for granted as much as it is. Just my dog amazes the hell out of me and she can’t even spell her own name. But she sure can love in a way that any of us could aspire to and she can forgive and forget and not hold a grudge and face each and every moment of each and every day with an enthusiasm that puts Tony Robbins to shame and a sense of gratitude that is equally mind blowing. So in some ways I try to learn from her. Then again she does dine on a pile of her own shit occasionally. Hey none of us are perfect. Maybe that’s like McDonald’s in dog world. (ie: it won’t kill you immediately but you probably shouldn’t eat it too often)

What I’d like to allude to here – without telling anyone how sinful or depraved they are or how they are going to hell and how they need their soul ‘saved’, even without asking for a collection plate to be passed around – is that there is one aspect of our existence here that really takes precedence over everything else.

There is one thing that matters more than anything else because if that one area isn’t right nothing else will matter. If we neglect this one thing we won’t be able to enjoy anything else for more than about fifteen or twenty minutes or so. Nothing else will ever be enough. Nothing else is enough. If you get this one thing right you can afford to get a lot of other things wrong. And if you manage to handle this one area to the best of your ability the other things will tend to fall into place on their own. Even when they don’t you’ll still be okay and well equipped to handle the ever changing circumstances in which we all live.

To be clear on one thing, when I say “you”, I mean “me” also. It’s just a manner of speaking and I’m just expressing and reiterating some things that are near and dear to me and have been and continue to be of tremendous benefit to me.

So what am I talking about anyway? Ironically, there is no particular word for it. You may find it in religion and you may call it spirituality but to me those two words/concepts have certain connotations that really don’t do justice to what I’d hope to express here.

Let’s just assume that we are all souls on this great journey and that as souls we are ever evolving and perfecting and moving closer to something greater than our present state, though our present state is not to be looked down on or shunned in any way. In fact it’s a blessing and this evolution that we are a part of is ongoing and touches every facet of our lives and every tiny detail of our experience is a part of the grand whole. All of the religions touch on this in some way but there is a tendency to take things literally that weren’t meant to be taken literally and to misunderstand and misinterpret what is presented and for this institution that should be helpful to become possibly the biggest hindrance. It can be a great thing if we don’t let it overpower our reason and common sense and more importantly our own intuition. Really at best it can be the match that lights the fire and at worst it can have you strapping a bomb around yourself in the name of al-Lah.

I’m talking all around what I’m actually talking about but I’m hoping the point isn’t missed. If it is missed maybe I’ll try to do better next time. One thing is of greater importance than anything else. Eat, drink, and be merry but always keep this in mind. Inquire within, inquire without, but always inquire. Inquire more within than without. Have an internal sniff test for all of the inquiring without. Does it ring true deep within? If you have to make excuses for it or compromise something internally, don’t accept it outright.

“Why does the universe go to all the bother of existing?”
--Steven Hawking

What a question! But it does exist and so do we. Accident? Hmmm…

And we can even ponder that question which is certainly no accident and it may be the most important question even though an exact answer probably isn’t possible. What are you? What is this all? Why are we all here and where is this all leading? Important questions. Let’s not let Brittney Spears rehab or American Idol or ‘freedom fries’ drown out these questions for us. In my case right here right now, I’ll make sure not to let this watered down Shiraz that I’m getting into drown it out. One thing really is more important than anything else. The other stuff is just icing on the cake.

Tread Lightly On Thyself

2008-04-09T13:02:00.000-07:00

Someone that I love and care for deeply is in a serious battle with some personal issues and has been…well, possibly her entire life. The situation goes back to before she was in a position to have much of a say so in the matter. It’s not something that happened as a result of something she did or did not do. It’s not something she asked for and it is definitely not something anyone would wish for. But…it is. Like so many things, it just is. And now she gets to deal with the consequences and effects on a daily basis. It is the burden and struggle that mysteriously appeared on the doorstep of her life as an unwanted ‘welcome to the neighborhood’ gift from: God? The Universe? Karma maybe?

I’ve pretty much always been of the opinion that we are at least partly responsible for most of the difficulty that we encounter in life. This is a hard stance to take and it’s easy to cite examples that refute this line of reasoning. The situation I mentioned above is a good example. But at the same time I am my own best case study in this human experiment and for me, I could almost always trace the root of any problem back to myself somehow. Unfortunately doing this can have the result of being too harsh a critic of ones self and, if you’re not careful, it can spread to those around you also. I’ve been accused of being a perfectionist, and though I disagree, I’ve heard it enough times now to override my own opinion and accept that there may be some merit to the claim.

I have just about determined that there is some innate human need to feel emotionally victimized and since I didn’t have parents or family to whack at my self-esteem I guess I took the liberty of becoming my own personal bully. I really have to just smile or even laugh now when I look back and think about how I acted and how I treated myself in certain situations. Learning to be compassionate and patient with myself has been a major life lesson. I’m still in the process of trying to get it. We are all taught the importance of treating others well but seldom are we told the importance of treating ourselves with loving kindness also.

In any situation and at all times it is as if we have two ‘selves’. There’s the little self that – to borrow an analogy from a friend – gets battered around life like the ball in a pinball machine and who’s defining characteristic is one of reaction. Things happen and it reacts automatically. Think of a robot. Buttons get pushed and the robot does what it’s programmed to do. There is no 'choice' involved though there is the illusion of choice (which can make it all the more frustrating). This is the little self. Helpless and constantly having it’s buttons pushed by the external environment and by other robots, other little ‘selves’ that are equally helpless and reactionary. It’s really just the personality when comes down to it.

Then there is the big Self. This is the part of us beyond the personality that looks down on our foibles and failures in much the same way a parent would observe their child trying to learn to ride a bicycle. The parent will step in and offer some assistance here and there but realizes there is a certain amount of falling down necessary in order for the child to master this new skill. Lovingly and patiently the parent observes without judgment or criticism.

Our whole life is like this. Falling down…bumps, bruises, scrapes…then back up to try again. Repeat. Each time getting a little better, mastering some new skill, growing and learning. It’s more give than take and patience is required every step of the way, with ourselves and with each other. If we look back we can see that in almost every case we did the best we could given the knowledge and skill we possessed at the time. Life is more art than science. Even in the times we knew better or should have known better, something deeper was at work.

Forgiveness proves to be an invaluable asset as we travel along, inevitably hurting our selves and those around us as we fumble through trying to learn how to work the handlebars and the brakes and as we struggle to find our balance.

A Beautiful And Terrifying Dance

2008-04-05T16:22:00.000-07:00

The Vale Of Tears…Where did that phrase come from? I don’t know but I’ve seen it crop up in so many places and I get the feeling it’s been around for a long, long time. It is a timeless description of the world that we live in. If we could amass all of the tears that have been shed by human beings we would fill all of the world’s oceans several times over.

I am humbled and awed at the sheer magnitude of human suffering, at our ability to inflict and withstand it and our capacity to transcend it or become embittered by it. Buddha said that all life is suffering and then explained why and laid out a roadmap to overcoming it. Jesus said ‘In this world you will find trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world’. Some few have managed to escape the inescapable and the potential surely lies within us all but the cost is high, or would seem so, and it requires facing things that most of us spend a lifetime running from. There is a reason for our massive addiction to distraction, our aversion to being alone with our thoughts, our obsessive need to be occupied by something – anything – no matter how trivial or harmful. We run but can never quite seem to get away. The underlying fear prevails and… “the mass of men live lives of quiet desperation”.

All too often and no matter who you are, life hurts. Physical pain is one thing and much easier dealt with. It’s easier to recognize what causes it and what to do to avoid or minimize it. Emotional pain is another animal. So much of it is self-inflicted and we are slower to learn; sometimes we refuse to learn. Our mind becomes imprinted and patterns of behavior and reaction develop. We end up doing the same things over and over again and getting the same bad results. Seldom do we question ourselves and explore the possibility of our own responsibility in the matter. Seldom are we even aware of what we are doing and are therefore confused as to why things are the way they are when they turn out the way that they do. Follow? (ha)

This life is (among other things) a classroom. It is much to our benefit to pay attention in class. Who/what is the teacher? Everything. It’s the entire range of experience from the devastating heartbreaks to the sublime moments of joy and happiness to the minutes and hours spent in boredom and monotony, an infinite number of opportunities to learn the interplay of cause and effect and the utter impermanence of everything around us. Ah yes…impermanence. It all fades away and so do we. We struggle with this one. Conditions are changing the moment we recognize and become comfortable with them, like a deck of cards that is being re-shuffled after every hand.

There are a wide variety of lessons available to us in each obstacle that we encounter along our way but the primary lesson is always the same and has something to do with accepting and letting go. We cannot bend the universe to our will but we can cooperate and become one with the will of the universe. After all, how could we ever be separate from it anywhere but in our own imagination?

By now we’ve all heard about the importance of letting go. We’ve probably also heard about the importance of living in the present moment. The present moment is a razors edge and anytime we are there, letting go comes naturally. The demons of our own creation that reside solely in our head become powerless when we wake up to find ourselves smack in the middle of eternity…which is now. We each have a certain amount of battle to do with these entities but they cease to exist when we withdraw attention from them.

In the meantime, the loss and suffering that we encounter can be shaping and molding us like heat melts and forms steel and we can let go over and over again; sometimes of our own accord and sometimes out of desperation. Either way we eventually get the point. Gradually we learn to love without attaching, work without obsessing about the end result, enjoy the fullness of the present moment and appreciate the ebb and flow of life. It’s a beautiful and terrifying dance but the song changes constantly and so do we. Each moment is a moment we can die to our past and cast off all of the misguided ideas we have formed about ourselves and feel the reality of the larger and eternal presence that is experiencing life through us right now.

Outdoor Urination For Dummies

2008-03-27T19:36:00.000-07:00

What follows is a cautionary tale. Be not fooled by the title; there is serious wisdom to be gleaned from the sentences and paragraphs that will be presented to you on this computer screen, unadorned, raw, unedited, bare and naked before your eager eyes and wanting mind. The author recounts this event at the risk of ridicule and embarrassment but considers this a small exchange if even a single person be saved from a similar fate as a result of this telling.

Let us go back now to when the author was just a young lad, capricious and full of wonderment…

The conditions were formidable. Frigid. Arctic-like. Indeed, had the temperature dropped another 32 degrees or so it would have been right around zero. Makes the author shiver just thinking about it. The location was remote, on the outskirts of the outskirts of town. This was before the dawning of the age of cheap cell phones so contact with civilization was not feasible.

The landscape was desolate. With the exception of the free-roaming cattle and the occasional screech of a buzzard or crow (aka “black bird of the devil”), it was barren, lifeless, and eerily silent. For all we knew the cattle had evil intentions and would devour us at the first opportunity. Sure, they looked all cute and cuddly but they were large and outnumbered us significantly and one could never know what was going on the mind of one of these beasts. They were not to be trifled with as far as the author was concerned.

Nothing was to be taken for granted here, one’s guard never to be let down. Without the industrial size cooler full of hot dogs, chips, sodas, cookies, granola bars, and other rations, undoubtedly we would have resorted to unspeakable acts of desperation to avoid starvation. The author shudders at the possibility of what might have transpired.

The sky was black and most were sound asleep in their tents. The author however was in a conundrum. Nature was calling. And when nature calls this author answers faster than you can say “Flomax*”. But he was safe and snug in the comfort of a warm tent and the air outside was icy and potentially vicious livestock lurked nearby. There were occasional strange and unidentifiable sounds that rang out in the night, like banshees or pterodactyls. The author was dismayed at the prospect of venturing out to do his deed. He remained in his sleeping bag, pondering his predicament. Natures urge became increasingly more difficult to ignore but the author was firm in his conviction to not venture out of the tent. He wrestled with the issue in his mind for an un-recalled length of time.

Then it came to him; an idea, a possible solution to this dilemma. The author clearly needed to relieve himself but was determined not to set one foot outside of the safety of his tent. Perhaps there might be a way to satisfy both requirements. His tent-mates were fast asleep and it was worth a shot. He carefully and quietly slipped out of his sleeping bag and eased his way to the doorway of the tent. Yes. This could work. Quiet as a mouse he propped up on his knees, slowly unzipped the opening to the tent and then unzipped something else.

R-E-L-I-E-F.

But something was awry. What the ?…it was no sooner than the author was experiencing the best sort of relief and basking in the glory of his ingenious idea that he felt a warm and wet sensation on his leg that signaled trouble. Uh-oh…big uh-oh. The author, true to his legendary reputation in technical and mechanical ingenuity, had failed to realize there was a second tent zipper that required unzipping; an outer screen that was virtually invisible in this darkness. But he was past the point of no return and the damage had been done. This was no flat surface and the damage was spreading and affecting other people in it’s wake, poor souls fast asleep and completely unaware of the peril they were in.

The author felt unbelievably better but now had a bona-fide moral dilemma on his hands. The decision was an easy one. Quietly he re-zipped the doorway (and his trousers) and eased back in to his sleeping bag. Mission accomplished though not without some collateral damage.

When daylight arrived it was obvious to everyone that something terrible had happened. It must have been a funny scene; all the commotion and not a single confession, a campfire mystery that would endure. The author was somehow one of the least likely suspects and managed to escape this entire incident unscathed, reputation unvarnished, though not without some guilt. To this day he considers it one of his greatest acts of deception and feels some twisted sense of accomplishment for pulling it off.

The author needed to get that off his chest. He feels better now. That secret has been with him a long time. He feels lighter, freer.

At this time it might seem appropriate to throw it out little phrases like ‘Tis better to be pissed off than pissed on’, and other epithets, but the author will spare you. One might think of R-Kelly also but he won’t go there either.

There is a moral as well as practical lesson to this story and the author hopes that it has been presented clearly and concisely. But just in case it has been lost in the delicate subtlety of this prose, he will spell it out for you one final time. Pay close attention and take heed. Re-read this several times daily if need be. Post it on your refrigerator. Whatever.

And never, ever forget….

If you’re going to piss out of a tent make sure you unzip the mother#$%!ing tent all the way.

(Now if you’ll excuse the author he’s got to make a quick run to the Al-Qaeda**.)

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* The author is perplexed as to why a drug intended to help bladder control is called Flomax. Reverse psychology he presumes.

**Al-Qaeda is actually Arabic slang for “toilet”; specifically ‘foreign toilet’, indicating an actual commode as opposed to a hole in the ground. Seriously.

"Dey Call Dat Girl Pooh-Cat!!"

2008-03-23T08:17:00.000-07:00

The author feels it’s appropriate to preface the following commentary with a short tidbit regarding his background. From a very young age the other of this blog found himself in situations where he was the only white boy on a basketball court full of black boys. Even into the high school and early college years there were many occasions where he was the only white guy in the vicinity, more times than you could shake a stick at quite frankly. His history with black people is significant and somewhat colorful (pun not intended) and he only brings it up here in an attempt to make it clear to readers that he is anything but racist. Anyone who might be reading this and has known him outside of the ‘net can vouch to this. And not that it is particularly relevant to this discussion but the author would like to take this opportunity to also mention the fact that black people have been very good to him throughout his life.

Anyway…The author was on a little jaunt yesterday evening to pick up a pizza from Pizza Hut and had an experience that seemed worthy of a blog mention, inconsequential as it was.

Quick sidebar:
Yes, the author does occasionally put shitty food into his body but he does make every effort to keep this to a minimum and to his credit this was the new offering from Pizza Hut known as “The Natural” which supposedly contains all natural/organic ingredients including a whole grain crust. The author has no way of verifying this claim however and tends to have a healthy skepticism about this kind of advertising. While on this topic a quick quote comes to mind that originates with some sage of the Eastern persuasion saying something about it being not what goes into the body that defiles a man but what comes out of it. Please note that the author does not recommend using this as an excuse or rationalization for regularly ingesting the grease coated buzzard shit that passes for food and is inexpensively available on every American street corner.

The Pizza Hut trip…So the author was walking into Pizza Hut and was nearly bulldozed by a black woman who came barreling out of the door with alarming speed and astounding lack of regard for her surroundings and the people who might be in her path. The author made good use of his cat-like reflexes and dodged the threat resulting in a ‘near-miss’. This woman - of medium stature and wearing clothing that very much resembled ‘80s hooker attire – was also chatting on her cell phone at a volume that would ensure everyone within a thirty yard radius would hear every riveting detail of the conversation. Seeing as how the author and this individual essentially just whizzed right by each other, he only had the privilege of hearing one single phrase as it was blurted into the phone as if she thought she was speaking into an empty coffee can with a string attached to another coffee can some distance away: “DEY CALL DAT GIRL POOH-CAT!!”

Now the author has had more than his fair share of exposure to black culture and slang and at one time or another would’ve thought that he had heard it all but this pooh-cat thing stopped him dead in his tracks, struck by two simultaneous impulses: one of almost uncontrollable laughter bubbling up and the other of head-scratching confusion and exasperation. Refraining from either he proceeded to walk on in and pick up his Natural but “pooh-cat” was with him on the drive home. He had a good laugh in the car but also found the whole incident a little disturbing because it was representative of the type of behavior and lingo he was noticing more of lately.

The author at one time had an appreciation for rap music and in spite of the distasteful and negative connotations it carried, felt it did have some redeeming qualities. Unfortunately over the past six to seven years rap has undergone a grotesque transformation and morphed into something the author can hardly recognize. Indeed, he has his doubts that current rap lyrics are actually written by human beings but instead rather poorly constructed computer programs than churn songs out on an as needed basis and are then recited by gang members who are picked up off the street and perform in exchange for little more than a Cadillac Escalade and cubic zirconium tooth apparatus. The author would just as soon be locked in a closet with a rapacious wolverine than listen to this current rap music.

If the decline of rap music (and black slang) is any barometer or indication of the direction that society as a whole is taking, it is the author’s firm belief that we are headed for a cultural landscape that will make Mike Judge’s “Idiocracy” look like the European Age Of Enlightenment.

The author realizes he has gone on a bit too long for this type of blog entry and will close with some lyrics that are the chorus from what is a popular rap song at the moment:

“This is why, this is why, this is why I’m hot. I’m hot because I’m fly, you ain’t because you not. This is why, this is why, this is why I’m hot.”

“You ain’t because you not.” Let that sink in for a moment.

The author guesses that “Pooh-Cat” probably loves this song.

Footnote:
“The Natural” is actually quite tasty and if the author’s taste buds are any authority on the matter, the whole wheat/whole grain crust is legit. If you’ve gotta eat pizza and want to feel better about doing it, the author highly recommends “The Natural”. Coincidentally, the author also recommends the movie “The Natural” starring Robert Redford. You could even have a little theme night and dine on “The Natural” while watching “The Natural”.

The Long And Weary Path

2008-03-18T19:28:00.000-07:00

In much the same way he did every day at this time an elderly man walked hurriedly up the narrow lane, careful not to make eye contact with anyone, cursing under his breath this fate that had befallen him, silently resentful of the passers-by who were clearly more fortunate than himself. Today was like any other day for him. The breeze felt too cold and the sky was too white and blinding. The air was uncomfortably humid and each step seemed to bring a little more discomfort than the step before it. This had been going on for many years now.

It wasn't only the walking that had become progressively more difficult but the burden of life itself seemed to compound as today's troubles were heaped upon yesterday's troubles which were piled upon the troubles from the day before that. This progression went back as far as the man could remember. Things might have been better or different at some point in time but any memory of that was long gone. Even the narrow lane he was now walking on somehow seemed steeper and more foreboding than it had in previous times though he couldn't work out in his mind how this could possibly be true. There were many things he was unable to work out in his mind.

How many years now? How many years had it been since he had made the decision to walk this particular path at the exclusion of all others? Of course the answer to this question had long since faded from his memory. It really wasn't important anyway. He told himself this frequently. It wasn't important that there may have been other less cumbersome paths that would have been more kind to him over the years. It was useless to consider that indeed there may still be other options available, even now, after all that had happened. No. The decision had been made and that was that. Or was it?

In what had lately become a very rare occurrence – so rare that he could not recall the last time it had happened - a fresh and interesting thought appeared in his mind, a mind that had been repeating the same dreary and pointless cycle of thoughts for decades, a mind unable and unwilling to escape the inertia of it’s own bleak and self-defeating momentum. This thought came to him as a result of the previous question about his decision to tread this very path that he found himself on right now. Admittedly he had never questioned this decision before and admittedly this path had robbed him of his vitality, his youth, his optimism, his compassion, and an infinite number of other precious things that were now beyond the scope of his ability to remember them. Truly, the oppressiveness and weariness of this path could never be overstated.

The thought he had was this: Had he actually made the decision to travel this route he had been traveling for all of these years? Had it been a conscious choice? In what was an equally rare occurrence the man suddenly slowed his pace as he continued to make his way up the long and winding lane. He had walked this way thousands, maybe tens of thousands of times and how seldom it was that he ever actually slowed down. It was the unpleasantness of the surroundings that usually had him moving along as quickly as he possibly could, hoping to arrive at a more agreeable destination but (now that he thought about it) never actually achieving that.

No… He was sure of it. He had never actually made the decision to travel on this unfriendly, insufferable path. The decision had somehow been made for him. Almost everyone traveled this same path, which seemed to be the only reason – as far as he could tell – that anyone traveled this path at all.

By this time the man had stopped in his tracks and was standing completely, absolutely, still. This was much more than a rare occurrence. This – in fact – was something that had never happened before in the man’s history. Suddenly his surroundings seemed alien and hostile, even more so than before, and the sky became dark. Something like fear gripped him but it was stronger than any fear he had known before. It came over him with such ferocity and quickness that the term ‘fear’ was inadequate to describe exactly what he was feeling. Maybe this was it. Maybe death was approaching. But...there was this sound, far off in the distance, very faint. It was a sound so improbable - indeed impossible - given where he was.

The strangeness of such a sound in these surroundings was enough to rid the man of the crippling fear he had experienced just seconds prior to hearing it. Surely he must be losing his mind. It was faint but he could now begin to recognize what he was hearing, such a beautiful sound that it was. Music…Mozart? Beethoven? He couldn’t tell. He had never had much skill in identifying composers. And how many years had it been since he had heard music? The real question however, was how in the world was it possible to be hearing music in this environment. It was physically impossible and he knew this.

But something about the improbability of what was occurring sparked a flood of insight and realization about many of the questions that had appeared in his mind over the past few minutes or hours – whichever the case was – he wasn’t sure now, answers about the path and his choices and his present condition and other wonderful and fascinating things that he had no context for. The sky was no longer dark and his surroundings no longer seemed hostile but rather the exact opposite. Bright white light was pervading the atmosphere at a gradually increasing rate. The trees (which usually seemed like looming, malicious beasts of prey) now seemed not only friendly and welcoming, but almost sacred. He felt as if they - along with every plant, flower, and blade of grass - were smiling warmly at him, unmistakably aware of his own presence and miraculous beyond description. And this music...this symphony of music…so strange and out of place, becoming clearer and louder and more confusing, but the concept of confusing was becoming a moot point as events continued to unfold.

The light became even brighter and the music even louder; unbearably bright, and now impossibly loud. Everything else began to recede into the background. And then…

The morning sunlight flooded into the bedroom as Ben slowly opened his eyes, grinning and quite pleased with himself for changing the dial last night on his alarm clock radio from the hard rock station to classical.

Like, Oh My God!

2008-03-15T20:20:00.000-07:00

Ok seriously, I'm just trying to see what this looks like. It's another test post! Don't start critiquing my literary offerings at a time like this. It's just not fair to the children.

It's really not fair to yourself either. Don't judge a blog by it's actual content. Okay? Judge it by the colors! Judge it by the template that the person picked out. Judge it by the persons picture; something, anything of real substance.

Testes, Testes, 123

2008-03-15T20:18:00.001-07:00

This is a test post. Gee, does this look cool or what. I feel so neat. This makes me feel neat.